spiritedgrl123

I found my way here, because I had to leave another forum I had been going to for the past 8mths for privacy reasons. I can not prove it but it is more than likely that my Sis in law, whom I lead by the hand to the other forum and to her first AlAnon meeting, repeated some things that I had posted about my brothers, and this in turn cause a bit of a family drama, as my relationship with my brothers was already SUPER strained. I was afraid at the idea of leaving the old forum where I had made so many friends, and really hurt that I was put in that position by someone I had tried to help. I'll also now, will probally have to change my home group and find another one, as I no longer feel at ease sharing when she is there. I had to add that issue to the problems with my EXABF and after having given a lot of thought to my life decided that it is time to just detach from all of it.
I can't change sis in law, brothers, nor make EXABF care and be a different kind of person. I can't understand EXABF's thought process's and I can't make myself insane anymore because of it, trying to read and interpret what he says or doesn't say and when. I HAVE to let it go....I just HAVE to.
I can no longer function in the insanity that has become my life.
Today I feel awesome and so content. Woke up more at ease than in a long time. I've given my program a lot of thought the past week, and decided that I have to make some changes to it in order to get as much out of it as I possibly can-which is my goal, and I am feeling much happier, contented and free as a result. This program has soooo much to offer and I want to get everything it has to offer to the fullest extent and rebuild a whole new me, from the ground up.
My life has been a rollercoaster ride the past six months, well for many years now, and I want to jump off and take some time to enjoy the new awareness I find myself filling up on. I'm making new friends, and want to make even more and expand some of my service work in time. I want to focus on ME, what I want, what I feel, and what makes ME happy, and work a more dedicated program. The days of living my life to make others happy are gone. I want to really focus on detaching from the things that cause me drama, hurt, unrest, or unhappiness as much as I can and not feel selfish for taking care of me first!
Woke up and within minutes thoughts of EXABF popped into my head. It took some time, but within a few minutes I decided to take my focus from that and put it on my HP and His will for me and TRUST in that and that I am right where I need to be, where He wants me to be. TODAY I am ok. It really made me stop and think about awareness even more, and how with it I can put a stop to stinking thinking before it snowballs down on me.
It really is a blessing to be part of such a wonderful program and more and more I learn with each passing day that it truly does work if you work it

Keeping it in the now
spirit

GiveLove

Thanks for your great post, spirit. Keep it focused on you -- not on anyone else -- and you will continue to do great. It's not worth all that other chaos, really it's not.

cmc

Thanks so much for sharing.
Welcome to SR, it's nice to meet you.