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Join Date: Mar 2006
Location: buffalo ny
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My RAH has been home 6 months. Last time, this was around the time he got bored, figgety. What's different this time is that he's working, and his brother/best friend is also in recovery.
When we discussed him coming home, I had told him that I did not trust him yet, and if he was even 5 minutes late I would probably worry. He told me that wouldn't happen, I would always know where he is.
But yesterday he called in sick to work. Has never done this. I called him in the late morning to see how he was feeling...no answer on the home phone or his cell. I immediately got that sick feeling in my stomach. When he did call me back 40 minutes later, he was amazed and angry that I had started freaking out. I told him that I had a "flashback" of how it felt when he went missing. He said since he's been home he has always been where he said he would be; said he was outside watering the lawn, didnt hear the phone. (this is probably true because he and his brother just laid sod and RAH is obsessed with keeping it watered). I held my ground, said I felt what I felt, that trust doesnt come over night, etc. He called me later that day to let me know he was going to the dr. We didn't talk about it again, there seemed to be no hard feelings, and more importantly, no evidence of use.
Just wanted to share this, and welcome all feedback....thanks
When we discussed him coming home, I had told him that I did not trust him yet, and if he was even 5 minutes late I would probably worry. He told me that wouldn't happen, I would always know where he is.
But yesterday he called in sick to work. Has never done this. I called him in the late morning to see how he was feeling...no answer on the home phone or his cell. I immediately got that sick feeling in my stomach. When he did call me back 40 minutes later, he was amazed and angry that I had started freaking out. I told him that I had a "flashback" of how it felt when he went missing. He said since he's been home he has always been where he said he would be; said he was outside watering the lawn, didnt hear the phone. (this is probably true because he and his brother just laid sod and RAH is obsessed with keeping it watered). I held my ground, said I felt what I felt, that trust doesnt come over night, etc. He called me later that day to let me know he was going to the dr. We didn't talk about it again, there seemed to be no hard feelings, and more importantly, no evidence of use.
Just wanted to share this, and welcome all feedback....thanks
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Join Date: Dec 2008
Posts: 10,944
I have a feeling that loved ones of addicts/alcoholics always have moments of panic when they either believe or know that their loved one has relapsed. Relapse is part of recovery for a majority of addicts (they S.L.I.P - SOBRIETY LOSES ITS PRIORITY).
How to avoid that panicky feeling? I guess just keep detaching with love. His recovery is owned by him and him alone. Your recovery, peace, sanity, and happiness belong to you. It's a lesson I'm still learning myself.
It sounds as though your husband had a legit reason for being out of contact for a bit. I wish you the best of luck as you both move forward in recovery!
Hugs, HG
How to avoid that panicky feeling? I guess just keep detaching with love. His recovery is owned by him and him alone. Your recovery, peace, sanity, and happiness belong to you. It's a lesson I'm still learning myself.
It sounds as though your husband had a legit reason for being out of contact for a bit. I wish you the best of luck as you both move forward in recovery!
Hugs, HG
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