Why do I feel like this?
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2005
Location: Ireland
Posts: 152
Why do I feel like this?
I'm staying at my new friend's minding her dogs this weekend while she's in Canada. I'm blessed to have found her and this place to come every weekend to get away from my crazy RAH who I'm trying to separate from, but who won't and doesnt have to, leave my house.
I've been here alone since friday, its now Sunday night and as tomorrow is a holiday I'm not going home till tomorrow evening.
This week was a nightmare since Wednesday, he's started getting at me again, ranting, threatening to call my elderly parents and tell them what a wh*** I am, even though I lock myself in my room. He hammered on my door at 6am one morning to tell me I cant have the car (its mine and he has it every weeekend) to take my parents to a family occasion. They dont know yet we are splitting up as they are in poor health they do not need this worry.
On Thursday night I took the car to go see a friend despite him phoning me telling me I could not have it, Then he somehow got my best friends cell number and called her. He's accused me of having an affair with her and with men, including my doctor and says he has proof, and also of giving him a sexual disease.
A message was left on my parents answering machine but they are too deaf to know who it was as whoever spoke quickly and quietly. I think it was him.
I was terrified, and livid that he had rung my friend - he didnt say anything, she missed the call and rang it back thinking it was me, but I was out of the house and he answered and denied he had called.
She lives alone about an hour and a half away and I was afraid he would turn up on her doorstep.
My lawyer spent Friday trying to get hold of his lawyer to get a stop put to this, but it will have to wait till Tuesday.
When I got home Thursday night I realised he'd been in my locked room as my laptop was completely turned arouns and out of place, like someone had taken it and then hurriedly put it back. So he must have a key to the room, even though I had a new lock put on months ago. That really freaked me.
But all this weekend I've been so tense and weepy, crying a lot. I havent cried much since all this began in January, somehow its like a dam has broken.
Ans i feel so lonely, despite phone calls from friends, I just feel so alone. I've prayed to my HP to be with me, but it keeps welling up. I don't understand it.
I dread going home tomorrow. I will have the lock changed again as soon as he's gone to work. How can I help myself through this sadness and lonliness, please?
I've been here alone since friday, its now Sunday night and as tomorrow is a holiday I'm not going home till tomorrow evening.
This week was a nightmare since Wednesday, he's started getting at me again, ranting, threatening to call my elderly parents and tell them what a wh*** I am, even though I lock myself in my room. He hammered on my door at 6am one morning to tell me I cant have the car (its mine and he has it every weeekend) to take my parents to a family occasion. They dont know yet we are splitting up as they are in poor health they do not need this worry.
On Thursday night I took the car to go see a friend despite him phoning me telling me I could not have it, Then he somehow got my best friends cell number and called her. He's accused me of having an affair with her and with men, including my doctor and says he has proof, and also of giving him a sexual disease.
A message was left on my parents answering machine but they are too deaf to know who it was as whoever spoke quickly and quietly. I think it was him.
I was terrified, and livid that he had rung my friend - he didnt say anything, she missed the call and rang it back thinking it was me, but I was out of the house and he answered and denied he had called.
She lives alone about an hour and a half away and I was afraid he would turn up on her doorstep.
My lawyer spent Friday trying to get hold of his lawyer to get a stop put to this, but it will have to wait till Tuesday.
When I got home Thursday night I realised he'd been in my locked room as my laptop was completely turned arouns and out of place, like someone had taken it and then hurriedly put it back. So he must have a key to the room, even though I had a new lock put on months ago. That really freaked me.
But all this weekend I've been so tense and weepy, crying a lot. I havent cried much since all this began in January, somehow its like a dam has broken.
Ans i feel so lonely, despite phone calls from friends, I just feel so alone. I've prayed to my HP to be with me, but it keeps welling up. I don't understand it.
I dread going home tomorrow. I will have the lock changed again as soon as he's gone to work. How can I help myself through this sadness and lonliness, please?
Member
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: Keepin' my side of the litterbox clean
Posts: 2,136
You are being harassed and tormented by an emotionally unstable man, to say the least. I understand that your parents are not well, but couldn't you go speak to them in person and calmly explain things? He's using your fear of telling your parents as a way to feel in control. He threatens to call them and it keeps you locked in a position of fear.
You don't have to give your parents the gorey details, and it is natural for parents to worry about their children. But they deserve to hear this from you rather than some lunatic ranting at them by phone. That would certainly be far more upsetting.
Change the lock on your door ASAP.
You don't have to give your parents the gorey details, and it is natural for parents to worry about their children. But they deserve to hear this from you rather than some lunatic ranting at them by phone. That would certainly be far more upsetting.
Change the lock on your door ASAP.
A jug fills drop by drop
Join Date: Nov 2008
Posts: 6,784
Agreed 100% with prodigal
Moreover, they will be glad you are taking steps to get away from this man.
For a parent it would be worse never knowing the reality of their children. As a parent they would be proud of raising someone that got enough self esteem to learn from her mistakes and is taking charge of her life.
The mom of the friend that rescued me when I was stuck at AH's home told me "we parents do all we can for our children, to have a stupid guy come and send it all down the drain"...
Also, if he contacts them anyhow, they know whats the deal and can ignore the message, delete it, not open the door, whatever.
Sophia, crying releases toxins and is good for you. Cry all you need. Don't be afraid of this sadness. It has welled up too much time already. Let it go. It is a good sign - you are healing and releasing your emotions.
We will be with you all the way... you are going through the thick of the forest, but think in a few months, in a few years, how serene you will be. How peaceful and wise you will be. That will be a reality, its only a matter of time.
Sometimes we do not see HP has been with us all the way, until later on. I am sorry to hear you are hurting, but I am glad you got tired and are getting out of that relation. IMHO you have already been through the worse part and you are in your final sprint - there is so much to look ahead for!!
My situation is different but I cried for 6 months and still do. It is OK to cry.
This is a link they shared before:
The Prophet
Think that right now you are digging inside your heart to get all your pain out, and as deep as you go, when you finish... your well will be empty to be filled with much joy and the happiness you have always looked for, around people that really love you, encourage you and make you a better person!!
((((((((hugs))))))))
Moreover, they will be glad you are taking steps to get away from this man.
For a parent it would be worse never knowing the reality of their children. As a parent they would be proud of raising someone that got enough self esteem to learn from her mistakes and is taking charge of her life.
The mom of the friend that rescued me when I was stuck at AH's home told me "we parents do all we can for our children, to have a stupid guy come and send it all down the drain"...
Also, if he contacts them anyhow, they know whats the deal and can ignore the message, delete it, not open the door, whatever.
Sophia, crying releases toxins and is good for you. Cry all you need. Don't be afraid of this sadness. It has welled up too much time already. Let it go. It is a good sign - you are healing and releasing your emotions.
We will be with you all the way... you are going through the thick of the forest, but think in a few months, in a few years, how serene you will be. How peaceful and wise you will be. That will be a reality, its only a matter of time.
Sometimes we do not see HP has been with us all the way, until later on. I am sorry to hear you are hurting, but I am glad you got tired and are getting out of that relation. IMHO you have already been through the worse part and you are in your final sprint - there is so much to look ahead for!!
My situation is different but I cried for 6 months and still do. It is OK to cry.
This is a link they shared before:
The Prophet
Think that right now you are digging inside your heart to get all your pain out, and as deep as you go, when you finish... your well will be empty to be filled with much joy and the happiness you have always looked for, around people that really love you, encourage you and make you a better person!!
((((((((hugs))))))))
Member
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Stumbling toward happiness
Posts: 4,706
I agree that you should let those tears flow, Sophia.
This is an almost unbelievably stressful situation that would land many people in the loony bin. The fact that you are doing so well, even subject to so much horror from this monstrosity, surprises me more than the fact that you are feeling sad and alone.
It is very sad it has come to this. Very sad. You had high hopes and things turned out differently, and for that I am so sorry.
But you do not suffer this alone, my friend. Although we cannot be there with you, our thoughts and strength are reaching across the airwaves to you, holding you up when you need us.
I too would gently talk to your parents. It may release a hidden source of stress within you to do this.
This is an almost unbelievably stressful situation that would land many people in the loony bin. The fact that you are doing so well, even subject to so much horror from this monstrosity, surprises me more than the fact that you are feeling sad and alone.
It is very sad it has come to this. Very sad. You had high hopes and things turned out differently, and for that I am so sorry.
But you do not suffer this alone, my friend. Although we cannot be there with you, our thoughts and strength are reaching across the airwaves to you, holding you up when you need us.
I too would gently talk to your parents. It may release a hidden source of stress within you to do this.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: corpus christi, tx
Posts: 211
Sophia, I agree with others that crying is good for you and to speak to your parents they will be on your side.
Sometimes it's the small set backs that get to us, but look how far you've come.
And I looked on line and they do make keyless double sided door locks that you program with your own entry code. I hope that you have password protected your laptop just in case.
Keep being strong we're all here for you.
Linda
Sometimes it's the small set backs that get to us, but look how far you've come.
And I looked on line and they do make keyless double sided door locks that you program with your own entry code. I hope that you have password protected your laptop just in case.
Keep being strong we're all here for you.
Linda
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2005
Location: Ireland
Posts: 152
We're trying to get some sort of court order on him, but they dont hand them out easily in Ireland,
I feel worse today if thats possible. I have to go home in an hour and a half and I'm crying and depressed and so damn lonely. I'm packing my case and all I want to do is lie on the bed and bawl. it hurts so , I want someone to put their arms around me and tell me I dont have to do it all by myself.
I know my HP is there but I'm just overwhelmed, hate going back to that house and his sneering and gloating. The phone has been very quiet today, I know my friends can only listen to so much. I want this to be over.
Please say a prayer my lawyer can get some sort of order to stop him tomorrow. I cant eat ot sleep, the little bit of peace I had has deserted me. I need to get strong again, and fast.
I feel worse today if thats possible. I have to go home in an hour and a half and I'm crying and depressed and so damn lonely. I'm packing my case and all I want to do is lie on the bed and bawl. it hurts so , I want someone to put their arms around me and tell me I dont have to do it all by myself.
I know my HP is there but I'm just overwhelmed, hate going back to that house and his sneering and gloating. The phone has been very quiet today, I know my friends can only listen to so much. I want this to be over.
Please say a prayer my lawyer can get some sort of order to stop him tomorrow. I cant eat ot sleep, the little bit of peace I had has deserted me. I need to get strong again, and fast.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: Wizard Land Downunder
Posts: 2,615
I will be offering up my prayers for you and your "hell on earth" life with that totally indescribable prat. I do have the words to describe his misbehavior, but I do not want to be thrown off SR for using them.
Please God you will get some legal help and relief from this nightmare.
God bless
Please God you will get some legal help and relief from this nightmare.
God bless
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