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Learning to let go of unpleasant emotions...

Old 05-03-2009, 12:36 PM
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Learning to let go of unpleasant emotions...

What are some ways everyone deals with feelings of resentment/frustration/disappointment when they get overwhelming and consume your mind?...Ofcourse, the only way I knew how to do it was by drowning myself in a bottle of Vodka or Whiskey...I have to retrain my mind to deal with these feelings in other ways...I also have to learn that there's alot of things I CAN'T control, and to focus on what I CAN control...and I have a very hard time accepting that...I've heard someone say "Let go, and let God"...but it seems easier said than done...Maybe the longer time I'm sober, the easier it will get for me to actually do that, not sure...I just feel my way of thinking is so ingrained, it's going to be very hard, nearly impossible to change it..I just happened to see something that reminded me of a devastating time, and it brought back painful memories that triggers these unpleasant emotions...and that's just one of many things that eats me up inside...I'm hoping in time I will find a way to deal with those feelings, without needing alcohol to do so.
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Old 05-03-2009, 12:43 PM
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I see a counselor once a week. SHe's an addiction specialist, but helps me in any area of my life that I share with her. It's a good safe place to vent, and she can give me a perspective on my problems/situations that I don't have myself. I"d be lost without my sessions with her. I trust her with my life and she's done me a world of good.

Another thing I do when I get frustrated is post on Whiner's Anonymous! Just venting what's bothering me helps to 'let it go'.
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Old 05-03-2009, 12:47 PM
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Thanks least
How did you find your conselor? i mean i don't suppose you just picked him/her out of yellow pages? Did you have to wait long for a first appointment?
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Old 05-03-2009, 12:48 PM
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Originally Posted by least View Post
I see a counselor once a week. SHe's an addiction specialist, but helps me in any area of my life that I share with her. It's a good safe place to vent, and she can give me a perspective on my problems/situations that I don't have myself. I"d be lost without my sessions with her. I trust her with my life and she's done me a world of good.

Another thing I do when I get frustrated is post on Whiner's Anonymous! Just venting what's bothering me helps to 'let it go'.
I actually started to see a therapist a few months ago, but honestly he started creeping me out...he started using very inappropriate language...and he seemed to try to belittle me but I would catch him doing it and tell him I didn't like it... it seemed very unprofessional...he made some good points at times, but he also seemed to go way off track...I was really turned off by the dirty language he used at times...My cousin actually recommended him, but that's not saying too much, because my cousin isn't all there lol...I don't know where to find a good one, and I hate just picking one out randomly.
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Old 05-03-2009, 12:52 PM
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Well that's exactly why i haven't searchd one out either-worried might make things even worse; who can give us some advice on how to find a good one?
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Old 05-03-2009, 01:00 PM
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Originally Posted by JJB View Post
Well that's exactly why i haven't searchd one out either-worried might make things even worse; who can give us some advice on how to find a good one?
It is very smart to not just pick one randomly, I have done that before, and there are alot of freakin quacks out there, that can pardon my french, f**k you up more...You do have to be very careful with whom you choose to trust with all these personal, delicate issues...I've found it very hard to get a recommendation for a truly good therapist. So we are in the same boat it seems.
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Old 05-03-2009, 01:27 PM
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Your post comes just at the right time as I had decided today that i was at last going to try therapy and was literally going to look in the yellow pages tomorrow To be honest sitting and telling a stranger all my innermost secrets really freaks me out! Are you going to try to find another therapist? does just listening to yourself do any good? (isn't that what therapists do, just listen?)
i'd be interested to know how you get on with choosing another.
By the way what do you mean by "inappropriate language"?
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Old 05-03-2009, 01:40 PM
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The addiction agency that sent me to rehab also sent me to one of their counselors. (as follow up after rehab) I was blessed in that she is well worth her salt and completely trustworthy and very ethical. You could look up substance abuse agencies in your area and give them a call. I am also blessed in that my counseling is free due to my income.

As far as 'bad' counselors go, if I'd run into anyone who creeped me out or spoke to me inappropriately or in bad language, I'd be reporting him/her to their superiors. They should not be allowed to get away with such behavior. A counselor is a very personal choice, and if you get one you're not comfortable with, get another one. There are lots of good ones out there just waiting to be found.

A good therapist doesn't just listen, they offer another perspective as a 'third party', one who isn't a friend or relative (whose opinions can be influenced just by being a friend or relative). You could contact a counseling/addiction agency and ask for anonymous recommendations on some of their counselors. I really don't know what to tell you about how to find a good one, as I was truly blessed to find not only a good shrink, but a good addiction counselor as well.

All the best to you both!:ghug2
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Old 05-03-2009, 01:50 PM
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Originally Posted by JJB View Post
does just listening to yourself do any good? (isn't that what therapists do, just listen?)
JJB,

Unfortunately, listening to yourself won't work. What therapy teaches you is to break the cycle of destructive thinking, so another person's perspective is needed. And they have to be VERY GOOD at what they do. I guess it might help reading books about depression but a good therapist will get you there faster.

All my 3 therapists could not have come with better recommendations. One was actually very helpful, the other one was OK, the third one drove me nuts (just a personality clash but serious enough that I stopped going).

Personally, I am not looking to be in therapy now. But I hope to use what I've learned to help me thru depression now.

OB
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Old 05-03-2009, 01:51 PM
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Hi Sweets,

I also am triggered by things that bring up unpleasant, negative emotions. Sometimes it might be a song, a place, any number of things. One thing I learned from Morning Glory is that you have a 90 second window. When you begin to feel the negative emotion, you have about 90 seconds before it 'takes over' your mind and body. If you can dismiss, shake it off quickly, it will only be a fleeting thought. If you don't, then it can overwhelm you with emotion.

This is MG's post. It's long, but well worth reading because it will help you to understand that you do not have to let your emotions control you.

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...anagement.html
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Old 05-03-2009, 02:10 PM
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Originally Posted by JJB View Post
Your post comes just at the right time as I had decided today that i was at last going to try therapy and was literally going to look in the yellow pages tomorrow To be honest sitting and telling a stranger all my innermost secrets really freaks me out! Are you going to try to find another therapist? does just listening to yourself do any good? (isn't that what therapists do, just listen?)
i'd be interested to know how you get on with choosing another.
By the way what do you mean by "inappropriate language"?
He would basically say most men are looking to f**k and only see women as body parts...p*ssy and t*ts...he used those words specifially...Sorry for being vulgar...I was telling him the problems I was having in relationships...and the men that I would deal with would just be manipulative and play lots of mind games...he kept bringing up things of a sexual nature and I didn't like that...especially his vulgarity.
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Old 05-03-2009, 02:12 PM
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Originally Posted by OceanBound View Post
JJB,

Unfortunately, listening to yourself won't work. What therapy teaches you is to break the cycle of destructive thinking, so another person's perspective is needed. And they have to be VERY GOOD at what they do. I guess it might help reading books about depression but a good therapist will get you there faster.

All my 3 therapists could not have come with better recommendations. One was actually very helpful, the other one was OK, the third one drove me nuts (just a personality clash but serious enough that I stopped going).

Personally, I am not looking to be in therapy now. But I hope to use what I've learned to help me thru depression now.

OB
I don't think I am going to seek therapy unless I find one who comes recommended with very good qualifications...if not, to me it's not worth it.
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Old 05-03-2009, 02:13 PM
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Originally Posted by 51anna View Post
Hi Sweets,

I also am triggered by things that bring up unpleasant, negative emotions. Sometimes it might be a song, a place, any number of things. One thing I learned from Morning Glory is that you have a 90 second window. When you begin to feel the negative emotion, you have about 90 seconds before it 'takes over' your mind and body. If you can dismiss, shake it off quickly, it will only be a fleeting thought. If you don't, then it can overwhelm you with emotion.

This is MG's post. It's long, but well worth reading because it will help you to understand that you do not have to let your emotions control you.

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...anagement.html
Yes, sometimes even a song that triggers an pleasant memory that turned awful will get to me...I will read that...thank you
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Old 05-03-2009, 02:30 PM
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Music and/or a song can only trigger 'bad thoughts' if you allow yourself to dwell on the past.

Listen to the same song/music in the present, in the here & now, replace historical thoughts with today's thoughts, and your mind can forever 'erase' previous thoughts the music/song may have evoked.

Today is most important, yesterday is gone. Listen to the music/song in today, relate it to today.

(For instance - there were many, many years I could not listen to the song Hotel California because we used to play it full blast when we were drunk & stoned. Then I listened to the song one time and imagined that the words were all about rehab. Now whenever I hear the song it has a whole new meaning.)
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Old 05-03-2009, 02:33 PM
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Originally Posted by tommyk View Post
Music and/or a song can only trigger 'bad thoughts' if you allow yourself to dwell on the past.

Listen to the same song/music in the present, in the here & now, replace historical thoughts with today's thoughts, and your mind can forever 'erase' previous thoughts the music/song may have evoked.

Today is most important, yesterday is gone. Listen to the music/song in today, relate it to today.

(For instance - there were many, many years I could not listen to the song Hotel California because we used to play it full blast when we were drunk & stoned. Then I listened to the song one time and imagined that the words were all about rehab. Now whenever I hear the song it has a whole new meaning.)
Thanks Tommy...and btw love Hotel California....
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Old 05-03-2009, 03:53 PM
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Meditation helps me somewhat to accept the negative emotions I am having. I've tried to transform emotions but like many here at SR have told me, it is good to embrace whatever you are feeling. With meditation I can watch your thoughts and feelings come and go and recognize them as just thoughts and feelings, where they are coming from, ect... A book I read told me to embrace my anger and become compassionate.
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Old 05-03-2009, 06:14 PM
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Try your local Community Services Group (if you have one) or some other gov't agency that deals with addiction. They may have a list of recommended counselors. Or check out the internet for various qualifying agencies. You want a woman who specializes in addiction. and file a complaint against that MORON you saw. What he said is unforgivable and I'm pretty sure the various licensing ageacies would be interested in hearing about him. But please don't let one bad experience scare you away from a counselor. I'd recommend mine but she's in Virginia......
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Old 05-03-2009, 06:21 PM
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Originally Posted by joedris View Post
Try your local Community Services Group (if you have one) or some other gov't agency that deals with addiction. They may have a list of recommended counselors. Or check out the internet for various qualifying agencies. You want a woman who specializes in addiction. and file a complaint against that MORON you saw. What he said is unforgivable and I'm pretty sure the various licensing ageacies would be interested in hearing about him. But please don't let one bad experience scare you away from a counselor. I'd recommend mine but she's in Virginia......
Thanks Joe....Great advice..
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