Sadly another newbie
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2009
Location: Over the Rainbow
Posts: 24
Sadly another newbie
I am married to an alcoholic for over 27 years now. I've been lurking for sometime now, and decided to join.
What do I hope to gain from joining? To start healing myself. Right now I just feel empty inside. I don't have anything else to give. I feel as though I have wasted most of life on "false hope", and now when I should be looking forward to our "golden years" I am faced with the big possibility that I might have to start all over again without him.
Thanks for listening. I'm looking forward to listening, learning and trying to understand. Yes I do attend AL Anon and I really try to apply it to my life, but I have to say I stumble ALOT.
What do I hope to gain from joining? To start healing myself. Right now I just feel empty inside. I don't have anything else to give. I feel as though I have wasted most of life on "false hope", and now when I should be looking forward to our "golden years" I am faced with the big possibility that I might have to start all over again without him.
Thanks for listening. I'm looking forward to listening, learning and trying to understand. Yes I do attend AL Anon and I really try to apply it to my life, but I have to say I stumble ALOT.
bona fido dog-lover
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: SF Bay area, CA
Posts: 99,756
Welcome to SR! There is a wonderful forum for Friends and Family of Alcoholics, I suggest you post this thread there for replies from people who are or have been in your position. Whatever you do, please be good to yourself.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: Virginia
Posts: 818
Unless your husband does something about his alcoholism, there aren't any golden years to look foward to. Excellent advice from "least" about the Friends and Family forum. Concentrate on healing yourself. Consider counseling, it helped me immensly to get sober, and I'm sure it would help you with dealing with your problems. I wish you every happiness. After 25 years it's about time you had some.
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 51,525
My heart goes out to you. I was the classic enabler in my 12-year marriage (though I drank too) and never realized what I was dealing with back then. Friends and Family, as mentioned, will be very helpful. It's wonderful you've found SR - this is an amazing place with wise and wonderful people. All the best to you.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: Baton Rouge, La.
Posts: 15,234
There are some happy endings and many
that are not. The ones that make it are
the ones where the entire family pitches
in and works some sort of program.
Hi Im Sharon and Im an alcoholic.
By the grace of my HP and people
like you here in SR I havent found it
necessary to pick up a drink of alcohol
since 8-11-90.
For that and you I am truely grateful.
My family stepped in with an intervention
and sent me to a 28 day rehab where
I picked up the tools and knowledge of
my disease to help me live life one day
at a time with the help of a 12 step program,
a faith of a Power greater than I and to
live life on lifes terms.
Last yr i ended my 25 yr marriage 6 days
shy of 26. I got sober about 7 yrs into
the marriage and have remained that
way for some 18 yrs.
My marriaged failed for a number of
reasons, but one in particular was that
i grew in recovery and left the rest of
the family confused at what all had
happened.
They were familiar with the other programs
offered to family members but didnt see a
need for it for they were the ones not sick.
My spouse and 2 awesome kids all "normies"
seemed to make it thru without the extra help.
And the result of it was a marriage that
ended with no golden yrs to celebrate.
No worries tho....the marriage ended
peacesfully as it was suppose to be and
i moved back to my hometown of Baton
Rouge, La. and he stayed in Houston.
When one door closes another one opens
as i remarried this past Valentine's Day
to a special man whom is also in recovery.
When i turn my will and life over to the
care of my HP then I have no doubt
that all will be taken care of as should be.
Today i am living happy joyous and free
with all sorts of wonderful things happening
in my life.
that are not. The ones that make it are
the ones where the entire family pitches
in and works some sort of program.
Hi Im Sharon and Im an alcoholic.
By the grace of my HP and people
like you here in SR I havent found it
necessary to pick up a drink of alcohol
since 8-11-90.
For that and you I am truely grateful.
My family stepped in with an intervention
and sent me to a 28 day rehab where
I picked up the tools and knowledge of
my disease to help me live life one day
at a time with the help of a 12 step program,
a faith of a Power greater than I and to
live life on lifes terms.
Last yr i ended my 25 yr marriage 6 days
shy of 26. I got sober about 7 yrs into
the marriage and have remained that
way for some 18 yrs.
My marriaged failed for a number of
reasons, but one in particular was that
i grew in recovery and left the rest of
the family confused at what all had
happened.
They were familiar with the other programs
offered to family members but didnt see a
need for it for they were the ones not sick.
My spouse and 2 awesome kids all "normies"
seemed to make it thru without the extra help.
And the result of it was a marriage that
ended with no golden yrs to celebrate.
No worries tho....the marriage ended
peacesfully as it was suppose to be and
i moved back to my hometown of Baton
Rouge, La. and he stayed in Houston.
When one door closes another one opens
as i remarried this past Valentine's Day
to a special man whom is also in recovery.
When i turn my will and life over to the
care of my HP then I have no doubt
that all will be taken care of as should be.
Today i am living happy joyous and free
with all sorts of wonderful things happening
in my life.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2008
Posts: 6,947
Welcome, thanx for posting!!
I am the alcoholic husband, now recovering. It's not easy for either my wife or myself. We have been married 25 years. We should survive as a couple, we love each other and really want to be happy. I'm hopeful and so is she.
Does your husband want to quit drinking? Have you told him what you have told us, more or less? Do you want to try and recover as a couple?
Mark
I am the alcoholic husband, now recovering. It's not easy for either my wife or myself. We have been married 25 years. We should survive as a couple, we love each other and really want to be happy. I'm hopeful and so is she.
Does your husband want to quit drinking? Have you told him what you have told us, more or less? Do you want to try and recover as a couple?
Mark
CindeRella is proof that a new pair of shoes can change your life!
Join Date: Aug 2004
Location: Spreading my wings
Posts: 7,163
Welcome Somebody! Glad that you found us! 
Sorry that you are going through this.
I have to say that we all "stumble" a lot-if we are A's or not! It is a part of recovery! Please know that this will get better-It takes time and we all do it in our own time. I honestly have come to believe that we never really stop recovering, kind of like we never stop learning lessons! It is when we can finally learn from both that we have that empty feeling taken away!
Please check out the other forums-Our "Friends and Family" will also be a big help to you. Check out the stickies at the top of the forum as they are filled with a wealth of information! Keep posting and know that we are here for you!
And not "sadly" your a newbie! happy your a newbie! That is the first step and you covered it well!
Sorry that you are going through this. I have to say that we all "stumble" a lot-if we are A's or not! It is a part of recovery! Please know that this will get better-It takes time and we all do it in our own time. I honestly have come to believe that we never really stop recovering, kind of like we never stop learning lessons! It is when we can finally learn from both that we have that empty feeling taken away!
Please check out the other forums-Our "Friends and Family" will also be a big help to you. Check out the stickies at the top of the forum as they are filled with a wealth of information! Keep posting and know that we are here for you!
And not "sadly" your a newbie!
happy your a newbie! That is the first step and you covered it well!
Member
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: Pittsburgh PA
Posts: 79
I can totally relate, I have been married for almost 24 years, same thng AH who at this point looks almost like he could be at death's door. He has tried numerous times to quit on his own and to no avail. Was in rehab 18 years ago, should have left him then but had a 1year old at the time. I used to work but left my job 8 years ago because my daughter, 2nd child so disliked me leaving her and I just could not bare it along with child care problems at the time. ( I was a flight attendant). That to me was a big mistake as I have not worked since and know the writing is on the wall to get out and get a job with benefits. My AH lost his job after 17 years back in Nov. 08 and has since started his own business. Well, its not a pay check unless you go to work, let alone the health insurence we pay out of pocket for ourselves. He also has high blood sugar which adds to it. I feel in my hear, what have I done all these years, now 50, and looking at a very daunting future. My kids are 19 son and 15 daughter so I still have one at home, one in college.
I get quite angry over what has happened over the years and yes I know the 3 c's...etc and know more about the disease which at times I think, ignorance is bliss and wish I really did not know what is going on. It is hard when you live with someone distroying themselves. You go to Al-anon and I know I have to return. It's been quite some time since I last attended. I try to do alot of soul shearching as to which way to go...stick it out..or leave?? My daughter has recovered from an eating disorder 3 years ago. Now that was truly worse than this because she is my flesh and blood but at least she is back on track and is doing well. But because of that, I really don't want to rock the boat...at least not now. The way I see my AH now is totally different because the physical appearance is quite obvious...not looking good and I feel like he is a ticking time bomb. He secretly drinks, always has, and always has tried to quit on him own.I know he needs medical attention but can not force him into anything. That is where it is so hard. I have a great support group with family/friends but when you live day to day with alcoholism it is hard.
Not sure if what I told you helps at all, but this site is great to vent and get feedback from others. After all we do share a common bond regardless of the situation. It is truly a sad state of affairs and it definitely was not one I bargained for, but that is the hand I've been dealt, could be worse I suppose, so I TRY to count my blessings instead of my woes.
Peace to you
I get quite angry over what has happened over the years and yes I know the 3 c's...etc and know more about the disease which at times I think, ignorance is bliss and wish I really did not know what is going on. It is hard when you live with someone distroying themselves. You go to Al-anon and I know I have to return. It's been quite some time since I last attended. I try to do alot of soul shearching as to which way to go...stick it out..or leave?? My daughter has recovered from an eating disorder 3 years ago. Now that was truly worse than this because she is my flesh and blood but at least she is back on track and is doing well. But because of that, I really don't want to rock the boat...at least not now. The way I see my AH now is totally different because the physical appearance is quite obvious...not looking good and I feel like he is a ticking time bomb. He secretly drinks, always has, and always has tried to quit on him own.I know he needs medical attention but can not force him into anything. That is where it is so hard. I have a great support group with family/friends but when you live day to day with alcoholism it is hard.
Not sure if what I told you helps at all, but this site is great to vent and get feedback from others. After all we do share a common bond regardless of the situation. It is truly a sad state of affairs and it definitely was not one I bargained for, but that is the hand I've been dealt, could be worse I suppose, so I TRY to count my blessings instead of my woes.
Peace to you
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