member31986

My AH, while still functioning and secretly drinking, God only knows how much, continues to tell me he does not know why he drinks (addiction) and wants to quit. Unfortunately, he wants to do this all on his own,no surprise, and just recently I told him I want no part of him sexually at all. I have No desire, probably partly because I'm 50 and second, because I no longer find him attractive. I have told him to leave me alone and every night he tries rubbing my back but so far I've kept to my word. No, this is not punishment for him being a "bad boy", its just that I truly have lost respect and trust for him. How he can manipulate me is amzing, he's a truly nice man, does alot around the house, buys me treats....you get it, in I believe, the hopes I will cave. Yes, I have caved in in the past as I wanted to believe he would quit, however so, (false hope I know) but this is how he works. I have told him all of the above and he is still persistant,

When in the past, he has been drink free (sober) for a short period of time, things became normal, when he drinks, they are not. Having sex every time you go to bed is not normal. He would have it morning noon and night if I allowed. That is what I had done in the past in the hopes of relieving the stress of quitting. I truly believe he needs detox, he begs to differ but the cycle continues. I know he gets frustrated without and then has a way of making me feel quilty. I am the type of person who does not like to rock the waters and he knows that so uses it to his advantage. What a sucker I am and I know....see I even self analyze myself pretty good don't I?

Comments welcome, I love to hear what others say. Thanks a bunch.

helpformyson

I was married to an alcoholic for 23 years. This man could have sex 5 times a day, every day. I believe that this as also an addiction and he had an obsessive compulsion disorder. My 22 yr old AS, told me recently that when he and some of his buddies went to stay with my ex in his one bedroom house. The boys slept in sleeping bags on the floor and my ex had brought a floozie d'jour home with him. Evidently my ex could not contain himself long enough to wait until the boys had left and had sex with this woman with the boys in the same room. My son was so embarrased the next morning when one of his friends said something about it. I can't even wrap my head around the fact that my ex had sex in front of our own son. What parent does that? It is sick. My son said that it freaked him out. I believe the behavior is an addiction as well as the alcoholism.

cmc

As with any other addiction, my solution as the friend or family member is the same.
Boundaries are needed, there can be no enabling and I need put my focus on myself.

How frequent and at what age a person wants sexual intimacy is their choice.
btw...I'm sure there are plenty of folks who don't view sex, or frequent sex, over 50 as not normal.


If you don't want to be with him that way, that is your choice- however I do wonder why you seem to continually put yourself in such close contact with him and then be angry when he approaches you. It should always be my choice about what I want or don't want...but I need to make my choices clear both to myself and others as well.

MissFixit

I don't see wanting to have sex everyday as sex addiction even for people over 50.

I do not know what the definition (if there is one) of sex addiction, but that doesn't seem relevant to your situation.

If he wants sex more than you do, then why not talk about it openly? If it is becasue of his drinking that is one thing, if it is because he wants it and you don't, than that is another matter.

If you are truly turned off by him, then why do you stay married or sleep in the same bed. Doesn't that give the wrong impression or false hope to him?

Have you spoken to a counsellor about this?

Miss