guiab

I have been attending Al-anon meetings for about 7 months, about 3 times a week, and have found a good amount of healing. What I have not found is a sponsor.

One 'rule' of sponsorship, from what I have read, is that men should have a male sponsor. Unfortunately, there are not that many men in Al-anon. There are three guys that I have gotten to know in my various alanon groups, but they are all active AA members too and are already sponsoring people in AA. The women at the meetings are great and I consider several of them to be very good and caring friends, but I would feel very awkward asking them to be a sponsor. I am single and they are all married (or recently divorced).

Truth be told, I am also showing much codie behavior by not being persistent.
When I hear a guy talking about the people they are sponsoring, I just don't have the heart to ask them to add me to their sponsor-load.
I really appreciate any input on this.

Astro

Sponsoring is an honor, a privilege, it's Step 12, it's part of our recovery. I'm an AA guy too, it's one of the many things that keeps me sober on a daily basis. So rather than looking at yourself as a burden to someone, I'll just share that I view my sponsees as a gift. You'll never know unless you ask, those guys might be looking for another sponsee.

Have you checked out any CoDA meetings for a sponsor? Again, my experience with CoDA groups is that it's mostly women, and there's not much long-term recovery, but it's another resource for potential sponsors, might be worth looking into.

laurie6781

I too go to both AA and AlAnon. I have for many years.

I too sponsor in BOTH programs.

I look at myself as a "double winner."

It is okay to ask them. If they have time for you they will say so. If they don't, they will also say so.

To me sponsoring is a privelege and a joy (albeit sometimes frustrating, rofl). It is part of how I learned that in order to keep my recovery (be it from alcoholism amd addiction or being a codie) I had to give it (my own ES&H) away.

So go ahead ask one of those men. If one says doesn't have the time, ask another.

J M H O

Please keep posting and let us know how YOU are doing as we do care very much.

Love and hugs,

LarryATL

Hi Grewup, I faced the same situation as you when I joined Alanon two plus years ago.... I'm a guy like you and also could not find another male in my home group that was a potential sponsor. I was getting pretty frustrated about this, as a really wanted a sponsor. I too felt very comfortable with some of the long time female members of my group and was strongly considering asking one of them, even though it's not recommended.

But what happened to me was that I went to a couple of other meetings just to check them out, and I met a gentleman in another meeting that was exactly what I was looking for in a sponsor.... and I knew this after a 10 minute conversation with him after the meeting. Well I got his phone number, called him, explained my situation to him, and asked him if he would be my "temporary" sponsor. To make a long story short, he's been my sponsor ever since.

I guess what I am suggesting is that if you're not completely comfortable with the men in your meeting as potential sponsors, try a few other meetings just to see if there might be someone there.... I know my HP was looking out for me on this one.

On the other point (about the guys who are in your group that are also AA), I think that if they are willing, they'd make terrific sponsors, assuming that they have also been in Alanon a reasonable amount of time.

Hope this helps.

Larry

guiab

Astro, Laurie, and Larry
Thanks! Thanks! Thanks! And Thank you!
I had never really seen the sponsoring as a privilege. Your input gives me a bit more, or the necessary more hopefully, to ask. I'll try to be more assertive this week and ask. There are some gentlemen in those local meetings who show up maybe every other week and I'll talk to them. There are some alanon meetings that are just under an hour drive from my home that I should look into.
The closest active CoDA meetings are way far for driving, maybe 2 hours. The more distant alanon meetings may be well worth the effort!
I will keep you all posted.