Dealing with a constantly frustrating situation without drinking...
To thine own self be true
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: New York
Posts: 756
Dealing with a constantly frustrating situation without drinking...
Hi all, as some of you know I just started posting...today is my 5th day without a drink and it's hard as hell...Basically my living situation right now is LESS than desirable...My roommate is making this really hard...The person knows I am trying not to drink and still continues to frustrate me and not be supportive at all...We just got into an arguement and normally I would have a drink...because once an arguement starts it lasts all night, and even into the next day at times...I've gone to a friends house and taken a walk before to cool off, but it's still here when I get back...I know I have to move out eventually, but I am working on my sobriety first....I can't even imagine looking for a new place right now, plus I would need a higher paying job to pay the rent by myself, which is the next thing I need to do... but like I said I want to be able to get through the days and nights without a drink first...I'm so used to going for a drink when I'm frustrated/upset/dissapointed e.t.c. (not only with this, but other things going on aswell) and I can't do that today, that's how I became accustomed to dealing with these feelings...If anyone has any ideas on how to reduce these feelings without drinking I'd appreciate it...Today is really hard...Just venting, thanks for listening.
Thriving sober since 12/18/08
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: Orlando, FL
Posts: 3,115
When any of us quit drinking, our lives still happened. The good bad and ugly stuff.. and that's the key, finding new tools. What if something even MORE stressful than roommate spats were to happen in your life? Vigilance is key. Take a walk.
To thine own self be true
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: New York
Posts: 756
Originally Posted by flutter 
When any of us quit drinking, our lives still happened. The good bad and ugly stuff.. and that's the key, finding new tools. What if something even MORE stressful than roommate spats were to happen in your life? Vigilance is key. Take a walk.
Thriving sober since 12/18/08
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: Orlando, FL
Posts: 3,115
I told you what works for me. Why pull attitude if you're wanting our help?
Where you live is a choice, and again you're kinda placing blame elsewhere. Someone around here who knows more than I will post the link to alllllll the hundreds of things to do instead of drink, it's got lots of suggestions!
Good luck.
Where you live is a choice, and again you're kinda placing blame elsewhere. Someone around here who knows more than I will post the link to alllllll the hundreds of things to do instead of drink, it's got lots of suggestions!
Good luck.
bona fido dog-lover
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: SF Bay area, CA
Posts: 99,772
Exercise helps me also. It keeps me from having a drink and it's good for my constant depression. My favorite thing to do is walk my dogs. Getting out in the fresh air and sunshine is good for us both.
Another thing I do when I want to drink is come here and help a newcomer. That keeps us both sober. I also have a list (somewhere) of all the bad things about drinking. When I feel like drinking I read my list again.
Another thing I do when I want to drink is come here and help a newcomer. That keeps us both sober. I also have a list (somewhere) of all the bad things about drinking. When I feel like drinking I read my list again.
Thriving sober since 12/18/08
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: Orlando, FL
Posts: 3,115
To thine own self be true
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: New York
Posts: 756
Originally Posted by least
Exercise helps me also. It keeps me from having a drink and it's good for my constant depression. My favorite thing to do is walk my dogs. Getting out in the fresh air and sunshine is good for us both.
Another thing I do when I want to drink is come here and help a newcomer. That keeps us both sober. I also have a list (somewhere) of all the bad things about drinking. When I feel like drinking I read my list again.
Another thing I do when I want to drink is come here and help a newcomer. That keeps us both sober. I also have a list (somewhere) of all the bad things about drinking. When I feel like drinking I read my list again.
To thine own self be true
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: New York
Posts: 756
Originally Posted by flutter
I told you what works for me. Why pull attitude if you're wanting our help?
Where you live is a choice, and again you're kinda placing blame elsewhere. Someone around here who knows more than I will post the link to alllllll the hundreds of things to do instead of drink, it's got lots of suggestions!
Good luck.
Where you live is a choice, and again you're kinda placing blame elsewhere. Someone around here who knows more than I will post the link to alllllll the hundreds of things to do instead of drink, it's got lots of suggestions!
Good luck.
To thine own self be true
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: New York
Posts: 756
Originally Posted by LibertyorDeath
Hi. Way to go on your five days! I know what an accomplishment that is. I had so many day 2's it was unreal. Day 5 is major!
Keep posting and congrats on day 5!
Keep posting and congrats on day 5!
Member
Join Date: Mar 2005
Posts: 1,947
sweets....
way to go.,...it can be so tough dealing with things on the outside and our feelings on the inside and NOT drinking....these are the things that i ran away from for so many years each time i drank/used.
keep up the good work
way to go.,...it can be so tough dealing with things on the outside and our feelings on the inside and NOT drinking....these are the things that i ran away from for so many years each time i drank/used.
keep up the good work
To thine own self be true
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: New York
Posts: 756
Originally Posted by ksplash5
sweets....
way to go.,...it can be so tough dealing with things on the outside and our feelings on the inside and NOT drinking....these are the things that i ran away from for so many years each time i drank/used.
keep up the good work
way to go.,...it can be so tough dealing with things on the outside and our feelings on the inside and NOT drinking....these are the things that i ran away from for so many years each time i drank/used.
keep up the good work
To thine own self be true
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: New York
Posts: 756
Originally Posted by CarolD
You might look into a sober living house in your area.
Oxford Houses are often useful.
Prayers for your peace going out...
Oxford Houses are often useful.
Prayers for your peace going out...
Member
Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: Virginia
Posts: 818
Dear Sweets, I wish I was the one who has 100 different solutions to your problem. But unfortunately I'm not. Actually, your biggest problem is your roomie and if she/he is a threat to your sobriety then get her/him out of your life. I know that the thought of moving is hard right now, but it's something you should focus on. Maybe find someone who would go in with you on a new place to live. You're smart to walk away from arguments right now. We all know how hard the stuff you're going through is, especially with a very fragile sobriety. It's great that you've got 5 days, but it's also really hard at this point to face life's problems without going back to the old solution - booze. So feel free to keep venting if that helps. That's what we're here for. And you didn't mention it, but have you tried AA? You'll get a lot of support and advice there.
To thine own self be true
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: New York
Posts: 756
Originally Posted by joedris
Dear Sweets, I wish I was the one who has 100 different solutions to your problem. But unfortunately I'm not. Actually, your biggest problem is your roomie and if she/he is a threat to your sobriety then get her/him out of your life. I know that the thought of moving is hard right now, but it's something you should focus on. Maybe find someone who would go in with you on a new place to live. You're smart to walk away from arguments right now. We all know how hard the stuff you're going through is, especially with a very fragile sobriety. It's great that you've got 5 days, but it's also really hard at this point to face life's problems without going back to the old solution - booze. So feel free to keep venting if that helps. That's what we're here for. And you didn't mention it, but have you tried AA? You'll get a lot of support and advice there.
You really said it all right there...it is very fragile right now..Your words are very calming...Might sound silly, but posting on here actually calmed me down...As faras the AA meetings, I looked online in my area and they haven't updated it...They still have the schedule for 08! I was going to see if there's a number I can call... I'd prefer an all women's meeting, even if there aren't any in my area...I will drive a little further.
Member
Join Date: May 2007
Location: Sweden
Posts: 1,649
Sweets7, having liquor in the house when you are trying to stay sober is a big challenge. We were talking about this the other day in one of my AA groups and people report not being able to have alcohol in their house when they first got sober...anywhere from 1 to 10 years.
You are living with a roommate. Is this person in a relationship with you or are you simply sharing a living space?
Have you discussed having some rules about alcohol? If this roommate is just a roommate and not anything more, could you ask him/her to keep their liquor locked up?
You are living with a roommate. Is this person in a relationship with you or are you simply sharing a living space?
Have you discussed having some rules about alcohol? If this roommate is just a roommate and not anything more, could you ask him/her to keep their liquor locked up?
Follow Directions!
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: Fredericksburg, Va.
Posts: 9,730
Sweets funny you should bring this up, here is what my experience is on this that I just finished typing in another post, basically how I use the Serenity prayer:
Keep your sobriety #1 as you said you are doing, just do what you have to do and accept what you have to accept, not always easy, but when done life becomes smoother, not perfect, or even great, but smoother.
One of the most beneficial things I have learned to help me in my day to day life I picked up out of the BB & the rooms. When ever I get angry, frustrated, confused, etc., just STOP!!!!!!
When I feel strong emotions or confusion coming on I have found that if I can just STOP!!! Do absolutley NOTHING immediately, in other words I do not react, I calm myself by finding a quiet spot even if it is just in my head..... slowly think about what is going on and ask myself a question like "Is there anything involved with this that I have control over?" If the answer is yes, then I need to calmly decide what is the right action to take, this decision may involve some silent prayer/meditation or now that I am calm the right answer may be quite appearant, if not I will seek the advice of someone who may have a good answer.
Okay now here is where it gets a bit tough, if the answer to the question "Is there anything involved with this that I have control over?" is no, then I simply accept it for what it is, something I can not change or control I just turn it over to my HP or what ever powers may be that does have control.
It takes time and practice to STOP, but I can tell you that I make far fewer mistakes and amends then I did when I was drinking and hold no resentments nor do I have any guilt or shame over my actions. Life is good when I apply the above.
When I feel strong emotions or confusion coming on I have found that if I can just STOP!!! Do absolutley NOTHING immediately, in other words I do not react, I calm myself by finding a quiet spot even if it is just in my head..... slowly think about what is going on and ask myself a question like "Is there anything involved with this that I have control over?" If the answer is yes, then I need to calmly decide what is the right action to take, this decision may involve some silent prayer/meditation or now that I am calm the right answer may be quite appearant, if not I will seek the advice of someone who may have a good answer.
Okay now here is where it gets a bit tough, if the answer to the question "Is there anything involved with this that I have control over?" is no, then I simply accept it for what it is, something I can not change or control I just turn it over to my HP or what ever powers may be that does have control.
It takes time and practice to STOP, but I can tell you that I make far fewer mistakes and amends then I did when I was drinking and hold no resentments nor do I have any guilt or shame over my actions. Life is good when I apply the above.
Follow Directions!
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: Fredericksburg, Va.
Posts: 9,730
Sweets, go to this website, plug in your zip code and I can assure you that you will find a phone number there. Alcoholics Anonymous AA in (most of) New York State
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