katie53

Good Morning! I have a question. I know that using is only 5% of the problem and the rest is supposedly behavior that needs to be worked on in order to fully recover and prevent a relapse. Is that right? When I look back at years I see my daughter has always had a compulsiveness about her. Always gung ho on a new venture, purchase, or whatever. Never much thought was put into a decision weather large or small. She always had this belief that she never wanted to ever hate someone no matter what. They could abuse her to the fullest extent and she would still be "a friend" I told her I feel that if someone abuses me, I would just not associalte with them as they are not good for me mentally, emotionally or physically. I don't HATE them. She is not able to live alone for some reason. Go to work, come home and be o.k. She needs someone in her life. Is compulsive behavior a trait of addicts. As I said she claims to be clean and she is more dependable, but at the same time she is still so uneasy? I think that,s the word. Uneasy. Can anyone understand what I'm trying to say?

Serenity Bound

Katie, Yep I can relate. My AD can NOT live alone, period. Also, it's seems to me that obsessive is the word I would use regarding my AD. Now (she's been clean 5 mos) she is obsessed with Bingo, yep that's what I said. BINGO!!!. Whatever, as long as she's not using and can scrape up the $$.

Chris

Katyrose

Katie, I do understand what you are trying to say, and I think the answer to your question is "yes". My son, who died from a heroin overdose last September, was definitely obsessive compulsive. He did everything with a vengeance. You use the word "uneasy"...I use the word "anxious"...same thing. Most addicts take drugs to calm these anxieties, but it's only make-believe.

Freedom1990

I'll speak from the addict's side of the fence on this, as a recovering addict.

Can I still slip into compulsive behaviors? Yes, but I catch myself and then get busy identifying what is going on inside to drive that behavior.

With God's grace, a 12 step program, and lots of work, I no longer have that sense of unease that you speak of 99% of the time.

As far as her always needing someone, that's a diversion tactic to avoid looking at self. She's still extremely uncomfortable with herself.

There is a huge difference between abstinence only, and recovery.

bluejay6

You might pick up a book titled "Delivered From Distraction" by Dr. Edward Hallowell, about the various forms of ADD. In it there's even a letter from a longtime recovering alcoholic who was doing all the right things but still had trouble managing life. Dr. Hallowell says people with ADD have "race-car brains." The book has a self-test quiz. It might open a new line of approach for your daughter. By the way, it offers many avenues to treatment, inc specific diet and exercise...the last thing an addict needs, of course, is Ritalin!

Chino

I see the same thing with my 21 yo RAD. She's finally developing a healthy sense of consequence but it's adding to her general fear of being responsible for herself. She doesn't see that fear all the time but it's always an undercurrent. She sees the big picture and I know it scares her, indicated by her actions of wanting to shut down. She leans more towards flight and freeze than fight when it comes to managing life in general.

She told me her group is always reminding her "baby steps" and "progress, not perfection". I can only hope and pray that she'll continue to work through it and begin to find a happy balance.

katie53

Thanks for help. It,s true that abstinence is where she's at right now, but no recovery treatment. She talked once of going to a therapist but not into addiction treatment. She feels that's "all better" now. I just sit back now and wait for the next BIG idea to cross her mind. It should be about a month from now.

Freedom1990

It does take time to find a happy balance. I was uncomfortable with myself for years into recovery. I did have two daughters at home, so that in itself was a distraction.

As long as your AD is heading in a positive direction and taking those baby steps, it will all come in due time!

outtolunch

It's immaturity.

I know many, many people who seem to have a chronic dependency thing going on. They are chosen and never choose. They look to other people to validate them. Some are also impulsive. Black/white thinking ....is immature cognition, the way we think about what we think.

For the most part, they seem to latch on to those who have a chronic need to take care of and control other people. Funny how this works out. Since they never have to take full responsibility for themselves, they don't. Funny how this works out, too.

Not all of them are addicts/alcoholics.