Ah parole approved home tomorrow
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2007
Posts: 472
Ah parole approved home tomorrow
His parole plan was approved and he will be home tomorrow. The plan that the parole board made is good. Pay fines, attend counceling (sp),no drugs, no booze, no being near felons (some of his friends are), no past friends including his family, community service, home at night, job plan(he has major repairs to this house to do)-you name it is on the list.
He knows my boundries! My list is simple-same as parole board -including no cell phone, no longer on my charge cards, never of the bank accounts. I will not sell anything for money for him. He already went through 100,000, my rent house, my jewelry and my cabin crusier. I am now well below poverty level. Only have a tiny social security check and a small check from grams trust fund.
If I suspect drugs-he will take a drug test at home. He always passed them at the parole office. I called the parole office then and they went to his job and tested him-he did not pass. My best friend (20 yrs.) was the police officer who arrested him more time than I care to remember (he is no longer a friend-married into the largest drug family in the county and he has changed for the worse). I have my attorney(who has become a judge) home phone number, the police chief home number and the DEA home phone number. Guess like I sound like a B---- but I am going to be prepared.
AH does sound entirely different now-had to have intensive rehab in prison and anger management. He does sound like he has been with SR for years but time will tell. He is going to be 49 and has done drugs since age 14(living in Iceland of all places)
I plan to move out of state, closer to my daughter in Mo. next yr. by then he should have 1 yr. clean or will be gone.
Gosh, I sound negative but really not-just do not plan on having another heart attack because of him
Any advice would be greatly appreciated.
He knows my boundries! My list is simple-same as parole board -including no cell phone, no longer on my charge cards, never of the bank accounts. I will not sell anything for money for him. He already went through 100,000, my rent house, my jewelry and my cabin crusier. I am now well below poverty level. Only have a tiny social security check and a small check from grams trust fund.
If I suspect drugs-he will take a drug test at home. He always passed them at the parole office. I called the parole office then and they went to his job and tested him-he did not pass. My best friend (20 yrs.) was the police officer who arrested him more time than I care to remember (he is no longer a friend-married into the largest drug family in the county and he has changed for the worse). I have my attorney(who has become a judge) home phone number, the police chief home number and the DEA home phone number. Guess like I sound like a B---- but I am going to be prepared.
AH does sound entirely different now-had to have intensive rehab in prison and anger management. He does sound like he has been with SR for years but time will tell. He is going to be 49 and has done drugs since age 14(living in Iceland of all places)
I plan to move out of state, closer to my daughter in Mo. next yr. by then he should have 1 yr. clean or will be gone.
Gosh, I sound negative but really not-just do not plan on having another heart attack because of him
Any advice would be greatly appreciated.
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Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: In Today
Posts: 6,101
If I suspect drugs-he will take a drug test at home. He always passed them at the parole office. I called the parole office then and they went to his job and tested him-he did not pass. My best friend (20 yrs.) was the police officer who arrested him more time than I care to remember (he is no longer a friend-married into the largest drug family in the county and he has changed for the worse). I have my attorney(who has become a judge) home phone number, the police chief home number and the DEA home phone number. Guess like I sound like a B---- but I am going to be prepared.
Why in the h*ll would you even let him come back until his ACTIONS show he is serious about recovery? There are Sober Living Houses set up to do what you are proposing and they are NOT EMOTIONALLY INVOLVED.
Why would you again put yourself 'walking on egg shells'? Always wondering if he is 5 minutes late what is he doing? Did he go where he said he was going?
I mean please, I know you love him, or think you do, but you can do that from AFAR until his ACTIONS meet his words. He has already stolen everything he could from you (your words paraphrased).
Please think this through a bit further. Let him go to a SLH to LEARN how to LIVE sober out there in the real world, and you won't have to be his warden.
J M H O
Love and hugs,
Member
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: in my own world~
Posts: 1,237
You sound like you have good thoughts going on and you certainly must love this man. I can't even imagaine having all that taken from me and still allowing the man to come home before he has proven he can stay clean. I wish you luck and serenity cause tip=toeing is over here.. Smiles, Bonnie
Member
Join Date: Mar 2006
Location: my own little world
Posts: 9,071
You and I have watched each other throug this for a long time. I hope you stay strong and wish you the best. IME the list of numbers does NO good in this town. Hope if needed it'll do better in yours. Hope numbers and test kits are not needed.
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Join Date: Jul 2006
Location: Wishin' I was on the Beach!
Posts: 1,415
Hi MomsR. Sounds like you have boundaries firmly in place and have plans if those boundaries are broken.
You know my STBEX-AH came home on parole in Jan 08 after almost 2 yrs. in prison. I let him come home against my better judgement... but I felt the need to give him this last chance. (He'd went through the NA programs, bible studies, worked his way up on the road squad, etc. etc...appeared to be doing so good.)
Well upon his arrival, I typed up the list of house rules and gave him a copy. (No, he didn't like it at all.) Anyway, it only took 3-4 months for him to be using again. He passed the drug tests by his PO though all the way until parole was terminated on his 9-month release date. While on parole, he had a 6pm curfew. After his parole was over, it only took a week or so for him to not come home on the weekends. I couldn't live that way again and finally kicked him out.
I'm not saying things will turn out this way with your AH. People do recover, and hopefully this is his time. Just have a Plan B, and stick to your consequences if your boundaries are broken.
Addiction is progressive, and once they start back using, they get just as bad as they were when they last stopped. It happens quickly. My ex has a good side too and always cared if the kids had this or that... but once I kicked him out and he was jobless.. he stole everything of value from the basement including the kids motorcycle, fishing rods, etc. He hasn't seen the kids in almost 6 months. You think you know them, and they'd never rip you off like this after all you've done for them, but once the drugs take over again, it happens.
Hope things work out for the best for you!
HUGS,
You know my STBEX-AH came home on parole in Jan 08 after almost 2 yrs. in prison. I let him come home against my better judgement... but I felt the need to give him this last chance. (He'd went through the NA programs, bible studies, worked his way up on the road squad, etc. etc...appeared to be doing so good.)
Well upon his arrival, I typed up the list of house rules and gave him a copy. (No, he didn't like it at all.) Anyway, it only took 3-4 months for him to be using again. He passed the drug tests by his PO though all the way until parole was terminated on his 9-month release date. While on parole, he had a 6pm curfew. After his parole was over, it only took a week or so for him to not come home on the weekends. I couldn't live that way again and finally kicked him out.
I'm not saying things will turn out this way with your AH. People do recover, and hopefully this is his time. Just have a Plan B, and stick to your consequences if your boundaries are broken.
Addiction is progressive, and once they start back using, they get just as bad as they were when they last stopped. It happens quickly. My ex has a good side too and always cared if the kids had this or that... but once I kicked him out and he was jobless.. he stole everything of value from the basement including the kids motorcycle, fishing rods, etc. He hasn't seen the kids in almost 6 months. You think you know them, and they'd never rip you off like this after all you've done for them, but once the drugs take over again, it happens.
Hope things work out for the best for you!
HUGS,
Member
Join Date: Mar 2006
Location: buffalo ny
Posts: 167
My AH came home this past November. He's working full time, fixing up the house...so far so good. My advice: Hide your checkbook and credit cards. Mine aren't in the house. Stick to your rules and remind him why. TRUST YOUR GUT. If you think he's using, he is. You don't need a drug test. Good luck.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2007
Posts: 472
I have no intention of being his warden or anything like it. What he does is for him to decide. Right or wrong. No, I probably would not insist on a home drug test, I will be able to tell. Call the law-that I would do if any of his scumbag friends stepped foot on my property and got smart. When I met him I had no idea about drugs other than weed and coke and that was 40 yrs. ago. Heck I had never heard of some of the drugs. Smart me. When I decide I could not go to intensive care again, nor put up with his BS I called my attorney, he had gone through this yrs. ago. Then I found SR. I still continue to read and learn. I will not lose my sanity over anything he does.
The parole board in this state tells you whether you will go to Sober Living, or long term rehab or home. The parole officer comes to your home, checks it out and talks to you. The parole board at the prison also calls and talks to you. The parole officers in this county know me so they did not come this time. It does not mean they will not show up in the middle of the night to check on him.
I simply refuse to put up with any BS. I will not get stressed and worry. The choices are his. No way will he ever sweet talk me into anything again. My eyes are wide open,
I guess wait and see what happens and hope for the best.
The parole board in this state tells you whether you will go to Sober Living, or long term rehab or home. The parole officer comes to your home, checks it out and talks to you. The parole board at the prison also calls and talks to you. The parole officers in this county know me so they did not come this time. It does not mean they will not show up in the middle of the night to check on him.
I simply refuse to put up with any BS. I will not get stressed and worry. The choices are his. No way will he ever sweet talk me into anything again. My eyes are wide open,
I guess wait and see what happens and hope for the best.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2007
Posts: 472
He is home and the difference so far has me in total amazement. What a change in one person!!!!!! and not on drugs! He talks about the past, present and future and makes sense. No quacking, true honest feelings. He has gotten the dogs to behave like angels-two did remember him. He has worked at grams getting her home ready for the estate trust fund to sell, worked at home to start to get it ready to sell and worked at the rent house so we can rent it. We will see what one year brings before I sell and move. He cooks, cleans, washes windows-goodness. He has been to the parole office and does not go back for a month, unlike the weekly most would do. Then he will go every six months because of the good report from the prison. He will start meetings next month-the parole officer picks the meetings. He also is told not to work because of his many back surgeries-he was not allowed to work while in prison. I am ok with this-we will simply get back to Ebaying. We have been fishing!!!!! Lots! My blood pressure has not gone up once! Life is good but still-I know any day the world may come crashing down. If it does again, well life will simply go on.
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