Ann

You are reading from the book The Language of Letting Go

Anger at Family Members

Many of us have anger toward certain members of our family. Some of us have much anger and rage - anger that seems to go on year after year.

For many of us, anger was the only way to break an unhealthy bondage or connection between a family member and ourselves. It was the force that kept us from being held captive - mentally, emotionally, and sometimes spiritually - by certain family members.

It is important to allow ourselves to feel - to accept - our anger toward family members without casting guilt or shame on ourselves. It is also important to examine our guilty feelings concerning family members as anger and guilt are often intertwined.

We can accept, even thank, our anger for protecting us. But we can also set another goal: taking our freedom.

Once we do, we will not need our anger. Once we do, we can achieve forgiveness.

Think loving thoughts; think healing thoughts toward family members. But let ourselves be as angry as we need to be.

At some point, strive to be done with the anger. But we need to be gentle with ourselves if the feelings surface from time to time.

Thank God for the feelings. Feel them. Release them. Ask God to bless and care for our families. Ask God to help us take freedom and take care of ourselves.

Let the golden light of healing shine upon all we love and upon all with whom we feel anger. Let the golden light of healing shine on us.

Trust that a healing is taking place, now.

Help me accept the potent emotions I may feel toward family members. Help me be grateful for the lesson they are teaching me. I accept the golden light of healing that is now shining on my family and me. I thank God that healing does not always come in a neat, tidy package.

From The Language of Letting Go by Melody Beattie ©1990, Hazelden Foundation

Neagrm

Having our feelings and also moving forward and "taking our freedom" is a powerful healing step. I've seen this dynamic at work in my family of origin. For some of us, we were able to move forward into forgiveness and new relationship. Others have taken a lifetime to heal and continue working on issues.

However we need to do it the important thing is to never give up; continue to give ourselves and others the compassion that leads to healing.

This is an important reminder today, for me to appreciate the work each family member tries to do/doesn't do, and helps me acknowledge and accept that their journeys are different from mine. We all need time regardless how long it takes; so patience is also a big part of it for me.

Thanks for posting this today, Ann!

Nea

breakingfree88

Thank you, thank you, thank you! This is just the message I needed to hear today as I am struggling with some very "potent" emotions towards my family, especially my mother. It has caused me a lot of guilt and shame because I don't want to be angry but I can't deny the way I feel. This has helped me make sense of my emotions and learn to accept them. It is by accepting them that I can feel it...and let it go. What a relief that this too, this golden light, is healing me and healing all of my family.
Wow. Thank you.

bluebelle

Wow, this is really interesting. When I saw the title, I expected the author to be critical of anger. I thought she'd just say that anger was an unhealthy emotion and we need to let go. I like the way she put this because it makes a lot of sense to me. I have an unhealthy relationship with my mother. I let her mistreat me for years. After a series of really bad experiences with her, I have cut off most contact. I feel very angry towards her, and am somewhat confused by my anger. Anger is an emotion that I didn't used to feel very often. Now, I feel very angry. I can see where this anger has helped me emotionally detach from her. I'm glad to see someone say that this anger is productive. I think I just keep beating myself up over it. I hope to get to the point to where I can let go of the anger--without making myself vulnerable to her abuse.

Thanks for sharing this!!