SullenGirl

I woke up today on day 4 in my recovery to my daughter yelling "Mommy wake up, you're laughing in your sleep!!" Apparently I had been laughing aloud, she found this hilarious and it put our day to a great start. Now I have attempted this non-drinking thing before, and have succeded for awhile, but I have never felt as blissful as I did today. In fact, I don't think I have ever been as happy as I was today. It was a PA day, so my daughter stayed home from school. We went out, did some errands, shopping, caught a movie, and got our hair cut... It felt like summer, the sun was shinning... And I laughed, all day, like I don't ever remember laughing before in my life.

And then I got a phone call, from a friend of mine, who still works where I have just been fired from because of my drunken antics. I know I shouldn't ask "whose talking" because, whats the point... People talk, and I know it's just going to cause me to beat myself up more for something I cannot change. Now, I feel again, like I did yesterday and it sucks. I feel like I'm whining, which makes me feel crappier, but I just feel so... Disappointed, defeated perhaps?

SullenGirl

I find the opposite happens for me... I can only be creative when I feel I am flirting with the depths of hell, or if i am completely stablised... In both cases, I feel comfortable in anything I put forth... The inbetween stages just leave me feeling awkwardly naked...

Thanks for your imput... You are totally right about it being an emotional rollercoster!

geekorunique

It's natural for you to worry about what people think - I'm exactly the same and am 10 months sober. We try not to but it's what us alcoholics are like!

Have you thought about AA? It's changed my life and having the people and the programme has been an amazing experience. I can be logical and rational now - something that went out the window a long time ago believe me. Some days it's still hard but other days I am surrounded by gratitude and feel like it's spilling out of me.

I've got so called friends from the past telling me I'm not an alcoholic. And ya know what - I don't even wish it was true anymore. For a long time I did - I was so angry that I couldn't drink. But now - I'm grateful to be an alcoholic as without my illness I wouldn't be on this site and I wouldn't have the friends that I have today.

Wishing you all the best - keep coming online and stay in touch xxx

JusToday

Hang in there! Our addictions come with a ton of things we "wished we'd never done" and you said it right...you cannot change what was. What you can change though is what "is" and what "will be" for you and your daughter. I know all to well the cycle of my addiction of using because of all my failures and then using turns to more failures, which turns to more using. Ugh...and on the it goes.

Keep you "eyes" on what you will become, not on what you were or did. steamvessel said it well, it is an "emotional rollercoaster", especially at first. The good news it will begin to balance out more and more as you stick with your recovery. Get plugged in with recovery groups, practice the steps and keep coming back here. Hang in there!

Taking5

Be very careful of the too-high highs and too-low lows. Both of those ends of the spectrum made me want to drink again.

Tazman53

As the others have said, early sobriety is an emotional rollercoaster ride! The longer one stays sober the smoother the ride gets. Do not get me wrong, life does not become perfect, but ones emotions starts to smooth out and things become easier to not over react to.

22NGONE

Sullen,

The only thing that happend to your wonderful day was your perception of it. The phone call the bad news... we can chose to dwell on that stuff much to our deteriment. My sponsor says we can RE-START our days as many times as we chose when things go wrong or we lose our serenity. Maybe next time, when something comes a long to put a damper on your otherwise good day, RE-START it, pray, ask for strength and continue on happily.

Wishing you miles of smiles,

John