My first post
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2009
Posts: 3
My first post
I've really enjoyed browsing the site for a few days, and have really benefited from everyones stories. I wanted to share my own story; mostly for my own benefit, to "get it off my chest", I guess.
I was 16 the first time I ever drank. A girl from school had a crush on me, and invited me to a party at her home. Her parents were out of town, and her and a few friends had acquired some vodka. I think I drank maybe 3 or 4 shots, and I felt good. I liked the way it made me feel.
The next 20 or so times I drank, mostly on weekends, I think I ended up vomiting 3/4 of the time. A friend and I would acquire some vodka or beer, and drink at his house, or while driving around, or wherever we happened to be. I would drink at my sisters home, who is six years older than I. She had an amazing tolerance to alcohol, and would strongly encourage others, myself included, to try to keep up with her pace.
From 16 - 21, I drank a lot, but not daily. There would be periods where I went weeks without drinking, without giving it too much thought. My drinking really picked up once I turned 21.
I'm 25 now, and have drank nearly every day for the last four years. This could mean anything from two or three beers, to a fifth of vodka. At my worst it was about half a fifth of vodka a night for a few months, and drinking all day on weekends, or days off of work.
I can't even begin to guess the number of times I have driven drunk. I have driven blacked out, falling down drunk, or so drunk I was seeing double or triple. One night after a concert, I ended up doing a complete spin off the freeway at 60 miles an hour onto the median between the two freeways, started my car, and continued on my way. I have never gotten a DUI, even though I have been pulled over two or three times while drunk.
The most amazing thing is, I cannot admit I am an alcoholic. I can admit I drink too much. I can admit it is damaging my physical and mental health. But I cannot admit I am powerless to stop.
I am on my 13th day of sobriety today, and I'm feeling good about that. The longest I've ever gone is a month, and that was only one time. I have tried to stop or control my drinking hundreds of times, with very little success.
I'm scared about how relatively easy it has been for me to quit this time. I have no desire to have a drink right now, in fact, I've never enjoyed having one or two drinks, I like GETTING DRUNK. I'm frusterated that I don't feel any better physically now, than I did when I was drinking. If anything, I feel worse. When I was drinking I could always make it to work on time, now, I've been late to work twice, I can barely drag myself out of bed. I don't want to be an alcoholic. I don't want to have this problem.
Well, I don't know how coherent all that was, but it's the best I can do right now. Thanks for listening.
I was 16 the first time I ever drank. A girl from school had a crush on me, and invited me to a party at her home. Her parents were out of town, and her and a few friends had acquired some vodka. I think I drank maybe 3 or 4 shots, and I felt good. I liked the way it made me feel.
The next 20 or so times I drank, mostly on weekends, I think I ended up vomiting 3/4 of the time. A friend and I would acquire some vodka or beer, and drink at his house, or while driving around, or wherever we happened to be. I would drink at my sisters home, who is six years older than I. She had an amazing tolerance to alcohol, and would strongly encourage others, myself included, to try to keep up with her pace.
From 16 - 21, I drank a lot, but not daily. There would be periods where I went weeks without drinking, without giving it too much thought. My drinking really picked up once I turned 21.
I'm 25 now, and have drank nearly every day for the last four years. This could mean anything from two or three beers, to a fifth of vodka. At my worst it was about half a fifth of vodka a night for a few months, and drinking all day on weekends, or days off of work.
I can't even begin to guess the number of times I have driven drunk. I have driven blacked out, falling down drunk, or so drunk I was seeing double or triple. One night after a concert, I ended up doing a complete spin off the freeway at 60 miles an hour onto the median between the two freeways, started my car, and continued on my way. I have never gotten a DUI, even though I have been pulled over two or three times while drunk.
The most amazing thing is, I cannot admit I am an alcoholic. I can admit I drink too much. I can admit it is damaging my physical and mental health. But I cannot admit I am powerless to stop.
I am on my 13th day of sobriety today, and I'm feeling good about that. The longest I've ever gone is a month, and that was only one time. I have tried to stop or control my drinking hundreds of times, with very little success.
I'm scared about how relatively easy it has been for me to quit this time. I have no desire to have a drink right now, in fact, I've never enjoyed having one or two drinks, I like GETTING DRUNK. I'm frusterated that I don't feel any better physically now, than I did when I was drinking. If anything, I feel worse. When I was drinking I could always make it to work on time, now, I've been late to work twice, I can barely drag myself out of bed. I don't want to be an alcoholic. I don't want to have this problem.
Well, I don't know how coherent all that was, but it's the best I can do right now. Thanks for listening.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2008
Posts: 6,947
Stop driving drunk... Besides the fact that it will get you in jail... you could kill an innocent person...
WELCOME!!
Glad you are here... stay a while.
For a moment, forget whether you are an alcoholic... Do you want to quit drinking?
Mark
WELCOME!!
Glad you are here... stay a while.
For a moment, forget whether you are an alcoholic... Do you want to quit drinking?
Mark
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2009
Posts: 3
As far as drunk driving goes, I regret everytime I did it and am incredibly grateful I never hurt anyone. Yes, I do want to quit drinking.
To maintain my sobriety I have been avoiding certain situations or friends as much as I can, thinking everyday about how much I want to stop drinking, and reflecting on the fact I can just now acknowledge that it is nearly, if not completely, impossible, for me to drink moderately. I also have been reading the big book (I think that's what it's called?) from AA that a friend left at my house.
I like to watch movies, so I've been watching some like the lost weekend, the days of wine and roses, drunks, and the like.
I know I should be doing more if I'm really serious about this, I guess I just have this insane idea that I can quit on my own. (Why am I posting here then, if I can do it on my own?) I don't know, I'm scared to go to AA.
To maintain my sobriety I have been avoiding certain situations or friends as much as I can, thinking everyday about how much I want to stop drinking, and reflecting on the fact I can just now acknowledge that it is nearly, if not completely, impossible, for me to drink moderately. I also have been reading the big book (I think that's what it's called?) from AA that a friend left at my house.
I like to watch movies, so I've been watching some like the lost weekend, the days of wine and roses, drunks, and the like.
I know I should be doing more if I'm really serious about this, I guess I just have this insane idea that I can quit on my own. (Why am I posting here then, if I can do it on my own?) I don't know, I'm scared to go to AA.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2006
Location: LA - Lower Alabama
Posts: 5,068
Member
Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: NW Ohio
Posts: 164
Everyone who goes to AA meetings had to go to their "first" meeting. It's something I can relate to. I encourage you to go, then the "first" meeting will be behind you. We all need to just do "the next right thing," and I hope you do the next right thing for you. Good Luck and remember you can choose not to drink.
Forward we go...side by side-Rest In Peace
Join Date: Jun 2002
Location: Serene In Dixie
Posts: 36,740
If you don't stay quit ....
please move to a city where driving
will not be necessary. You know how dangerous and
reckless you are being. Don't wait for the destructive
accidents....DUI's....fines...lawyers and jail time.
You absolutely don't want to kill or maim anyone...or yourself.
Welcome to SR.....
please move to a city where driving
will not be necessary. You know how dangerous and
reckless you are being. Don't wait for the destructive
accidents....DUI's....fines...lawyers and jail time.
You absolutely don't want to kill or maim anyone...or yourself.
Welcome to SR.....
Member
Join Date: Oct 2008
Posts: 6,947
Keep reading that Big Book... it's awesome, and it gets better for me every time I pick it up... If you like the book and if what it says resonates with you... get yourself to an AA meeting... You don't have to do or say anything... just listen... the only requirement for membership is a desire to quit drinking. There are other programs of recovery and there are lots of happy recovered alcoholics here that did not use AA.
I like AA and go as often as possible... I am 7 1/2 months sober. Just to let you know where I'm coming from...
Mark
It sounds like maybe not drinking is a good thing for you... It's hard to do by yourself. So posting here is a great start!! Keep posting and listen and learn.
Mark
I like AA and go as often as possible... I am 7 1/2 months sober. Just to let you know where I'm coming from...
Mark
It sounds like maybe not drinking is a good thing for you... It's hard to do by yourself. So posting here is a great start!! Keep posting and listen and learn.
Mark
Member
Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: Ottawa,Ontario
Posts: 55
Personally I disliked AA,but enjoyed workshops where you talk to addiction councillors.They helped me to see how I was thinking was not quite the norm.We did in-depth looks at what I thought the perfect parents were and why did we think certain ideas.My Mother had cancer when I was 6 she went though a lengthy battle with the disease for 6 years before she passed,my Father had a stroke right in front of me when I was 5 and I had a lot of unreal expectations about myself like wanting to be Mrs.Huxtable from The Cosby show.Who can live up to a fake tv show ? If you want to stop drinking you will need to fill your time with other things,and allow yourself to make mistakes.Not hanging around with your good ole' drinking buddies is a tremendous step.Alchlism is a disease I hope you treat the disease before it kills you .
Member
Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: Ontario, Canada
Posts: 62
I hear what you're saying about feeling worse. Every time I quit drinking, I isolate myself, I couch and re-watch "inspiring" movies hoping that something will motivate me to move. Nothing does. When I'm drinking, I perk right up, go out and "have fun." Most of the nights that I don't have fun, the drama surrounding the situation is enough to get me off my butt to scurry around and "fix" everything. Sobriety seems to make everything silent, and I don't have a clue how to deal with the nothingness it echos.
Hang in there!! I feel exactly the same way you do, I'm on day 3 and I'm just praying for normalcy without having to drink for it.
Hang in there!! I feel exactly the same way you do, I'm on day 3 and I'm just praying for normalcy without having to drink for it.
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