Hi, I'm new... and I'm having a bad day!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Flyspeck, TX
Posts: 2
Hi, I'm new... and I'm having a bad day!
Hello all,
I am a thirty-five year old wife of a drug addict, he smokes meth.
The background of my story is that I have been married to him for 18 years. To my knowledge he did drugs (w/o my approval) during the first year of our marriage. The he was caught by me and swore off of them for good. I was young and thought he really could just stop. Then it was around year three when he started doing them again (this is to my knowledge) and telling me it was just a way to blow off steam on the weekends. I talked with him and thought once again that it was a resolved issue. Okey Dokey, all is good. Then we went through several years of irresponsible behavior and vile mood swings before I began to snap as to what might be going on. To make a very long story only slightly shorter this had been an off and on problem for our whole marriage. Then about three years ago things took a major dive. He started being around known users and I started questioning him lots of denials on both our parts took place. He swore he wasn't and I just wanted to believe him. One and a half years ago he was arrested for possession. If that had not happened I don't know when I would have finally taken my head out of the sand. He still tried to deny it. I was finally thinking and told him some of the who's and where's that I suspected. He admitted to some of it to me, only because he had not other real choice, and swore it was over. Then things got really bad. Other friends of his (that I did not know were users) that he started hanging around with were keeping him out till three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine and even ten o'clock in the mornings! I tried to talk to him and he said that I was psycho and needed medical attention for my delusions. He went on to say that perhaps it was time that we just lived separate lives, mind you still live together and have marital relations, but I should let him do as he please and not bother him about it. After I picked up my jaw I left the room. Then that night when he didn't come home again I finally got mad, really, really mad! I called his cell and told him I had had it. Time to decide, do you want the drugs or the family, 'cause you can't have both and since I have been living alone for the past six months I may as well not have to worry about him to boot. As the conversation progressed he and I both cried and he said he was sorry and I was the most important thing in his life, etc, etc. Ending on I quit right here and now. I believed him. Two months later he started being gone all the time again, this time under the ruse of Christmas shopping. Till three am, give me a break. I started snooping in his things. I found butane lighters and several dozen cans of used butane small torches baggies galore and even a broken pipe hidden under a tree outside I. Ok, I confronted him he said I was wrong and those were from before. If I didn't stop doubting him I was going to drive him to do it again. Then it would be all my fault. This really scared me, what if I was wrong and he was doing his best and had not been doing what It thought. Then the guilt would lie solely on my shoulders. I apologized and begged him to forgive me. He said it would be hard and that I had all but ruined our marriage. I then spent my time between praying and crying when I was alone and thought that I was a horrible wife who was failing her husband for not trusting him. Right before new years I had the flu. He decided to sleep in the guest bedroom so as to not have me keep him awake at night. One night I walked in there looking for him wanting comfort and feeling pretty sorry for myself. I could hear him in the bathroom I walked closer to the door and heard the click click sound of a butane lighter then I heard the sucking sound. I pushed the door open and there he was caught red handed and dropping it in the commode! I ran out. The next day he denied it and said it was my sickness playing with my eyes and once again got really mad at me for falsely accusing him. He even went so far as to try and threaten me with actually doing it if I kept on treating him this way. At least now I know I am not crazy. Just back in May I come home early from work and find him tearing through his dresser draws like a mad man. I am all like what's wrong? He makes up a story about losing his money. I am like umm, look right there on top of the dresser... Then I walk into the bathroom to go pee and sitting right there next to the potty on a shelf is a baggie of ice. I become so pissed I gapped it as he comes behind me and starts to try and get it from me. I do a quick one two and send it sailing out to sea. Ok, no real good came from that but at least I felt a bit better. I told him I knew he had been lying to me, he denies it and says that it was a one time thing. I don't know what to do. So I throw him out and try to get my thoughts together. Finally I call him and (just like my pitiful self) tell him that I love him and I don't want to have to divorce him. That he needs help with this and I want to support him if he is willing to seek it. He goes to some meetings and some classes, all is good. Then I find in his drawer a baggie half full of meth about a month later! He swears it is old and he did not know it was there. He decides we should sit down and go through his drawer and see if we can find more. Low and behold we do find more stuffed in a sock. Not much really it looked like it had pretty much been used up. Then I find bits and pieces of a broken pipe in there too. He says it is all old and tells me to throw it all away. Then he says he will take it and dispose of it. Ya right, I am dumb but not that dumb. So I send it out to sea also. One week later he calls me and asks me what I did with that. I tell him then he gets really mad at me and says I had thrown out $200 dollars worth of stuff that he could have resold. I am accused of being foolish with money (does anyone here get the irony of that statement) and am left for the weekend to think about my sins. Which were disposing of his drugs and having the nerve to be looking through his things, not to mention the fact that I don't trust him and am ruining our marriage. He even says that he thinks I put it in his drawer. He leaves on a Thursday and I don't see him till Sunday. This was supposed to have been a short family vacation we were going on that he took by himself. I am left to explain to the children and play clean up crew at home. When he called our oldest daughter on Saturday and spoke to her he told her it was all my doing that she could not be there. Grrr.... I did not and have not relented that my disposal method was wrong. I won't give in on it. So I get to hear about it periodically. Then about a week ago he starts being home and just not going to bed till three am or so every night. Even then when he says he goes to bed he is actually on the sofa in the living room. I ask questions about it. He tells me I am doing it again. That I am implying that he is doing drugs. I denied it, but the truth is I think I was. Two days ago we are at some friends house and everyone is outside. He is in the bathroom for ages I go in to see if he is alright when I knock on the door he starts coming up with strange excuses for me to get me out of the house, you know like, do you know where the kids are, go see what time it is for me, things like that. I said ok and then just stood there, I swear I heard the click click click and sucking sounds of someone smoking a pipe. Or at least that is what I think it was. Then I tried the knob and the door was locked so I knocked and said, "what is that clicking sound in there"? He starts to freak out on me, I go back outside. He comes out about ten minutes later and says to me, "what did you mean by asking me what that clicking sound was". Just what were you trying to imply. I told him I was trying to imply nothing. I had just asked him a question and why was he freaking out on me in public about it. Now two days later his parting words to me this morning were, "you are really pushing me to go and get some, and when I do it is going to be because you drove me to it!" I really am sick of hearing that.
Opps, sorry for making my vent so long. I did not intend to go on so. I do have to admit, it feels pretty good to go off like that. Perhaps I should have just left it at, 'Hi, I'm Image and my husband is a drug addict who wants me to believe I am crazy.'
I am a thirty-five year old wife of a drug addict, he smokes meth.
The background of my story is that I have been married to him for 18 years. To my knowledge he did drugs (w/o my approval) during the first year of our marriage. The he was caught by me and swore off of them for good. I was young and thought he really could just stop. Then it was around year three when he started doing them again (this is to my knowledge) and telling me it was just a way to blow off steam on the weekends. I talked with him and thought once again that it was a resolved issue. Okey Dokey, all is good. Then we went through several years of irresponsible behavior and vile mood swings before I began to snap as to what might be going on. To make a very long story only slightly shorter this had been an off and on problem for our whole marriage. Then about three years ago things took a major dive. He started being around known users and I started questioning him lots of denials on both our parts took place. He swore he wasn't and I just wanted to believe him. One and a half years ago he was arrested for possession. If that had not happened I don't know when I would have finally taken my head out of the sand. He still tried to deny it. I was finally thinking and told him some of the who's and where's that I suspected. He admitted to some of it to me, only because he had not other real choice, and swore it was over. Then things got really bad. Other friends of his (that I did not know were users) that he started hanging around with were keeping him out till three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine and even ten o'clock in the mornings! I tried to talk to him and he said that I was psycho and needed medical attention for my delusions. He went on to say that perhaps it was time that we just lived separate lives, mind you still live together and have marital relations, but I should let him do as he please and not bother him about it. After I picked up my jaw I left the room. Then that night when he didn't come home again I finally got mad, really, really mad! I called his cell and told him I had had it. Time to decide, do you want the drugs or the family, 'cause you can't have both and since I have been living alone for the past six months I may as well not have to worry about him to boot. As the conversation progressed he and I both cried and he said he was sorry and I was the most important thing in his life, etc, etc. Ending on I quit right here and now. I believed him. Two months later he started being gone all the time again, this time under the ruse of Christmas shopping. Till three am, give me a break. I started snooping in his things. I found butane lighters and several dozen cans of used butane small torches baggies galore and even a broken pipe hidden under a tree outside I. Ok, I confronted him he said I was wrong and those were from before. If I didn't stop doubting him I was going to drive him to do it again. Then it would be all my fault. This really scared me, what if I was wrong and he was doing his best and had not been doing what It thought. Then the guilt would lie solely on my shoulders. I apologized and begged him to forgive me. He said it would be hard and that I had all but ruined our marriage. I then spent my time between praying and crying when I was alone and thought that I was a horrible wife who was failing her husband for not trusting him. Right before new years I had the flu. He decided to sleep in the guest bedroom so as to not have me keep him awake at night. One night I walked in there looking for him wanting comfort and feeling pretty sorry for myself. I could hear him in the bathroom I walked closer to the door and heard the click click sound of a butane lighter then I heard the sucking sound. I pushed the door open and there he was caught red handed and dropping it in the commode! I ran out. The next day he denied it and said it was my sickness playing with my eyes and once again got really mad at me for falsely accusing him. He even went so far as to try and threaten me with actually doing it if I kept on treating him this way. At least now I know I am not crazy. Just back in May I come home early from work and find him tearing through his dresser draws like a mad man. I am all like what's wrong? He makes up a story about losing his money. I am like umm, look right there on top of the dresser... Then I walk into the bathroom to go pee and sitting right there next to the potty on a shelf is a baggie of ice. I become so pissed I gapped it as he comes behind me and starts to try and get it from me. I do a quick one two and send it sailing out to sea. Ok, no real good came from that but at least I felt a bit better. I told him I knew he had been lying to me, he denies it and says that it was a one time thing. I don't know what to do. So I throw him out and try to get my thoughts together. Finally I call him and (just like my pitiful self) tell him that I love him and I don't want to have to divorce him. That he needs help with this and I want to support him if he is willing to seek it. He goes to some meetings and some classes, all is good. Then I find in his drawer a baggie half full of meth about a month later! He swears it is old and he did not know it was there. He decides we should sit down and go through his drawer and see if we can find more. Low and behold we do find more stuffed in a sock. Not much really it looked like it had pretty much been used up. Then I find bits and pieces of a broken pipe in there too. He says it is all old and tells me to throw it all away. Then he says he will take it and dispose of it. Ya right, I am dumb but not that dumb. So I send it out to sea also. One week later he calls me and asks me what I did with that. I tell him then he gets really mad at me and says I had thrown out $200 dollars worth of stuff that he could have resold. I am accused of being foolish with money (does anyone here get the irony of that statement) and am left for the weekend to think about my sins. Which were disposing of his drugs and having the nerve to be looking through his things, not to mention the fact that I don't trust him and am ruining our marriage. He even says that he thinks I put it in his drawer. He leaves on a Thursday and I don't see him till Sunday. This was supposed to have been a short family vacation we were going on that he took by himself. I am left to explain to the children and play clean up crew at home. When he called our oldest daughter on Saturday and spoke to her he told her it was all my doing that she could not be there. Grrr.... I did not and have not relented that my disposal method was wrong. I won't give in on it. So I get to hear about it periodically. Then about a week ago he starts being home and just not going to bed till three am or so every night. Even then when he says he goes to bed he is actually on the sofa in the living room. I ask questions about it. He tells me I am doing it again. That I am implying that he is doing drugs. I denied it, but the truth is I think I was. Two days ago we are at some friends house and everyone is outside. He is in the bathroom for ages I go in to see if he is alright when I knock on the door he starts coming up with strange excuses for me to get me out of the house, you know like, do you know where the kids are, go see what time it is for me, things like that. I said ok and then just stood there, I swear I heard the click click click and sucking sounds of someone smoking a pipe. Or at least that is what I think it was. Then I tried the knob and the door was locked so I knocked and said, "what is that clicking sound in there"? He starts to freak out on me, I go back outside. He comes out about ten minutes later and says to me, "what did you mean by asking me what that clicking sound was". Just what were you trying to imply. I told him I was trying to imply nothing. I had just asked him a question and why was he freaking out on me in public about it. Now two days later his parting words to me this morning were, "you are really pushing me to go and get some, and when I do it is going to be because you drove me to it!" I really am sick of hearing that.
Opps, sorry for making my vent so long. I did not intend to go on so. I do have to admit, it feels pretty good to go off like that. Perhaps I should have just left it at, 'Hi, I'm Image and my husband is a drug addict who wants me to believe I am crazy.'
Member
Join Date: Aug 2001
Location: That's what I'd like to know.
Posts: 2,416
Bless your heart Image!!!!
It must have felt good to finally get all of that out. You are not crazy. Well, maybe a little. But that would only apply to the times you tried to believe him when you knew better.
Please think about finding a naranon group in your area. If there is no naranon, alanon will welcome you. There is nothing you can do to make this man give up his drugs until he is ready... if he ever is. You just have to decide how much more you want to put up with.
Look around the site, especially at the "power posts" at the top of this and the alanon forums. There is some good info for newcomers provided by our members. And please keep hanging out here with us. WE know you're not crazy.
Hugs!
Smoke
It must have felt good to finally get all of that out. You are not crazy. Well, maybe a little. But that would only apply to the times you tried to believe him when you knew better.
Please think about finding a naranon group in your area. If there is no naranon, alanon will welcome you. There is nothing you can do to make this man give up his drugs until he is ready... if he ever is. You just have to decide how much more you want to put up with.
Look around the site, especially at the "power posts" at the top of this and the alanon forums. There is some good info for newcomers provided by our members. And please keep hanging out here with us. WE know you're not crazy.
Hugs!
Smoke
Nature Girl
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 60,328
Hi Image and welcome.
Your story sent chills through me, and I can assure you that you are not crazy at all. Sadly, it is common for addicts to put the blame and shame on their partner, so they don't have to face it themselves. I'm sure you know by now that you are NOT to blame for his addiction, he is. And only he can change that if and when he is ready.
Smoke made some good suggestions for you to get started working on your own recovery from codependency. And there are many more wonderful people here who can relate to your situation and can share their experience, strength and hope with you.
Just make yourself comfortable here and feel free to share, vent, cheer, or ask questions any time you want.
Hugs
Ann
Your story sent chills through me, and I can assure you that you are not crazy at all. Sadly, it is common for addicts to put the blame and shame on their partner, so they don't have to face it themselves. I'm sure you know by now that you are NOT to blame for his addiction, he is. And only he can change that if and when he is ready.
Smoke made some good suggestions for you to get started working on your own recovery from codependency. And there are many more wonderful people here who can relate to your situation and can share their experience, strength and hope with you.
Just make yourself comfortable here and feel free to share, vent, cheer, or ask questions any time you want.
Hugs
Ann
Paused
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: OKC
Posts: 50
Welcome Image ((((hugs)))),
I am so glad you are here... your story has reminded me of how I used to be... I hope I never forget that. I recognize some of my own past behaviors in you post... chilling to say the least.
No... hun... you are not crazy... and you are not alone. Please find some Nar-Anon groups in your area and try them out... they work... and they are people who know how you feel.
This is a great place and full of great people... please keep posting and please look around.
PEACE
-O-
I am so glad you are here... your story has reminded me of how I used to be... I hope I never forget that. I recognize some of my own past behaviors in you post... chilling to say the least.
No... hun... you are not crazy... and you are not alone. Please find some Nar-Anon groups in your area and try them out... they work... and they are people who know how you feel.
This is a great place and full of great people... please keep posting and please look around.
PEACE
-O-
Member
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: North Vancouver, British Columbia
Posts: 1,714
Hi Image! Smoke and Ann gave you some great pointers already, so I just thought I'd add my hello and welcome, and tell you that we're glad you found your way here. You'll get lots of support and understanding here, so keep posting!
Welcome again!
Oh, and - you're not crazy - not by a long shot!
Welcome again!
Oh, and - you're not crazy - not by a long shot!
Member
Join Date: Jun 2002
Location: not sure
Posts: 452
(((((iMAGE))))))))))
You have been through so much. The others are right. You are not crazy at all. This is one of the master manipulation tactics used often by addicts. "I'm not, but I might as well. You're drive me to do it, et." Honey, don't fall for that one. They love to put the guilt of us. It's not us.
I hope he realizes how badly he needs help to stop and comes out of denial. Please keep coming to this forum. We care.
Washbe
You have been through so much. The others are right. You are not crazy at all. This is one of the master manipulation tactics used often by addicts. "I'm not, but I might as well. You're drive me to do it, et." Honey, don't fall for that one. They love to put the guilt of us. It's not us.
I hope he realizes how badly he needs help to stop and comes out of denial. Please keep coming to this forum. We care.
Washbe
I used to work here ;)
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: I live in Trevose, PA & collect Barbies :)
Posts: 2,024
Welcome Image!!
You are not crazy!! They like to make us think we are. The bottom line is, he is going to use whether you question him or not. He is looking for any excuse to pick it up and putting the blame on us is what they do best.
Guess what, we aren't to blame!! And nothing you say or do or don't say or do is going to stop him unless he really wants to stop.
Get to a meeting if you can nar-anon/al-anon and read the power posts all around the board. And please keep coming back here to vent, to cry and to keep letting us tell you that you aren't crazy!!
Many hugs,
Debbie
You are not crazy!! They like to make us think we are. The bottom line is, he is going to use whether you question him or not. He is looking for any excuse to pick it up and putting the blame on us is what they do best.
Guess what, we aren't to blame!! And nothing you say or do or don't say or do is going to stop him unless he really wants to stop.
Get to a meeting if you can nar-anon/al-anon and read the power posts all around the board. And please keep coming back here to vent, to cry and to keep letting us tell you that you aren't crazy!!
Many hugs,
Debbie
Still Standing
Join Date: Jul 2003
Location: Here @ SR.
Posts: 3,296
Dear Image,
I just wanted to add my welcome & to tell you that you are definitely not crazy !!!!!! He was really playing mind games with you, wasn't he?! Those kind of tactics could drive a person crazy. I've always been told that you should always follow your instincts. Believe what your insticnts are telling you even when you don't want to. They are there for your protection. Trust yourself !!!!!!! My son has tried to convince me alot of times that he wasn't using when he was & I knew it & what I learned after all of these years is that it does no good at all to argue with him or to even accuse or question him. It just makes things alot worse than they already are. The only thing that you can do is decide what you are willing to live with & what you are not & don't even bother trying to make deals with him because he won't be able to keep his end of the bargain. Like everyone else has told you; it is very important for you to get involved with Nar Anon and/or Al Anon, for your sake. You will be with people who have been through alot of the same things as you so they can truly empathize & be there for support & encouragement. It will make a world of difference for you. Even if you don't feel like the first meeting was something that would help you, please keep going back because it will definitely help you more than you can imagine, more & more each time you go. That's just my 2 cents. I really do feel for you & I hope that you take care of yourself.
************{HUGS & CONCERN}}}}}}}}
I just wanted to add my welcome & to tell you that you are definitely not crazy !!!!!! He was really playing mind games with you, wasn't he?! Those kind of tactics could drive a person crazy. I've always been told that you should always follow your instincts. Believe what your insticnts are telling you even when you don't want to. They are there for your protection. Trust yourself !!!!!!! My son has tried to convince me alot of times that he wasn't using when he was & I knew it & what I learned after all of these years is that it does no good at all to argue with him or to even accuse or question him. It just makes things alot worse than they already are. The only thing that you can do is decide what you are willing to live with & what you are not & don't even bother trying to make deals with him because he won't be able to keep his end of the bargain. Like everyone else has told you; it is very important for you to get involved with Nar Anon and/or Al Anon, for your sake. You will be with people who have been through alot of the same things as you so they can truly empathize & be there for support & encouragement. It will make a world of difference for you. Even if you don't feel like the first meeting was something that would help you, please keep going back because it will definitely help you more than you can imagine, more & more each time you go. That's just my 2 cents. I really do feel for you & I hope that you take care of yourself.
************{HUGS & CONCERN}}}}}}}}
Paused
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Phoenix, AZ
Posts: 9
Dear Image,
Sounds like you certainly have your hands full. You are certainly not crazy. It reminds me of my situation six months ago when I was living with my husband (RX Pill addict) Brother (crystal meth addict) and daughter (every drug know to man addict). I felt like everyone was using drugs but me. It was tough because with addiction come irresponsibility. They always leave you holding the bag and doing everything they are not doing. Then they may it seem that it is all your fault. Nothing could be further from the truth. Drug addiction is not a moral issue and it does not indicate a lack of affection for the family. You can Cause it, Cure it or Control it. Change has to be up to the addict not to his or her loved ones.
By the Grace of God I found Naranon meetings and a program. Today I am no longer living around all these addicts because I found out that I have choices. I do have control over one thing, my reactions. Today, I can love my daughter and separate the illness of addiction from the person that she is. She is making poor choices because of her addiction but today I look at it as necessary for her journey back to life. Today I have taken the obstacles away from her recovery because I've stopped getting in the way of the consequences of her impulsive actions. Naranon is a blessing. If not for Naranon I would have never found peace in my life, I fear I may have gone insane. Look for a meeting in your area as previously said. Come to this board. We care and understand. Take Care. I am sending you a great big hug saying welcome to the beginning of the road to sanity.
Sounds like you certainly have your hands full. You are certainly not crazy. It reminds me of my situation six months ago when I was living with my husband (RX Pill addict) Brother (crystal meth addict) and daughter (every drug know to man addict). I felt like everyone was using drugs but me. It was tough because with addiction come irresponsibility. They always leave you holding the bag and doing everything they are not doing. Then they may it seem that it is all your fault. Nothing could be further from the truth. Drug addiction is not a moral issue and it does not indicate a lack of affection for the family. You can Cause it, Cure it or Control it. Change has to be up to the addict not to his or her loved ones.
By the Grace of God I found Naranon meetings and a program. Today I am no longer living around all these addicts because I found out that I have choices. I do have control over one thing, my reactions. Today, I can love my daughter and separate the illness of addiction from the person that she is. She is making poor choices because of her addiction but today I look at it as necessary for her journey back to life. Today I have taken the obstacles away from her recovery because I've stopped getting in the way of the consequences of her impulsive actions. Naranon is a blessing. If not for Naranon I would have never found peace in my life, I fear I may have gone insane. Look for a meeting in your area as previously said. Come to this board. We care and understand. Take Care. I am sending you a great big hug saying welcome to the beginning of the road to sanity.
Member
Join Date: May 2003
Location: Seattle Washington
Posts: 17
Hi Image,
You are not crazy. They love to try and convince you of that. My boyfreind used to invite me over to his house, in the meantime would get some crack so that by time I got there he wouldn't answer the door. I questioned him on this and he accused me of stalking him and that I needed help. I would say "but you told me to come over." He would deny the whole thing.
Their lives have become unmanageable. They will do and say anything to deny that fact. They will blame you and anyone else that exposes that fact.
Look after yourself. You are just as powerless over him as he is over his drug. Until he admits this, it does not matter how many times you knock on the bathroom door and snoop around, things will not change. He has to do the work. You will exhaust yourself and you will become crazy if you continue on with the "crazy making". Read the books, attend the meetings, keep coming back here.....look after you.
Take Care, I'm sorry this is happening to you. Kris
You are not crazy. They love to try and convince you of that. My boyfreind used to invite me over to his house, in the meantime would get some crack so that by time I got there he wouldn't answer the door. I questioned him on this and he accused me of stalking him and that I needed help. I would say "but you told me to come over." He would deny the whole thing.
Their lives have become unmanageable. They will do and say anything to deny that fact. They will blame you and anyone else that exposes that fact.
Look after yourself. You are just as powerless over him as he is over his drug. Until he admits this, it does not matter how many times you knock on the bathroom door and snoop around, things will not change. He has to do the work. You will exhaust yourself and you will become crazy if you continue on with the "crazy making". Read the books, attend the meetings, keep coming back here.....look after you.
Take Care, I'm sorry this is happening to you. Kris
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Flyspeck, TX
Posts: 2
Thank you all so much for your kind words and support! All of you are so wonderful, I honestly mean that! It is so comforting to know that this is actually typical behavior and not just my own private hell.
You have no idea how good it felt to get that out, this is the first time ever for me to tell it. Truth is I had to go back and cut almost half of it out 'cause it was so long!
I have looked for a naranon group in my area in the phone book, no luck. Never thought of alanon before you mentioned it, Smoke. No luck there either, but I did find two AA chapters so I think I will check with them and see if they know of any such thing in my area.
Wow, the power post were both inspirational and frightening at the same time. According to the post I, A) Need naranon (yes, to all but three questions) B) Am co-dependent. C) Am but one person out of many going through the exact same thing. How much the scenario's mirrored my own made my blood run cold.
His Grandmother just passed away this morning and I now am worried how he will handle it. Usually any major stress like this and he goes straight for his emotional hiding place.
Wish me luck.
Image
You have no idea how good it felt to get that out, this is the first time ever for me to tell it. Truth is I had to go back and cut almost half of it out 'cause it was so long!
I have looked for a naranon group in my area in the phone book, no luck. Never thought of alanon before you mentioned it, Smoke. No luck there either, but I did find two AA chapters so I think I will check with them and see if they know of any such thing in my area.
Wow, the power post were both inspirational and frightening at the same time. According to the post I, A) Need naranon (yes, to all but three questions) B) Am co-dependent. C) Am but one person out of many going through the exact same thing. How much the scenario's mirrored my own made my blood run cold.
His Grandmother just passed away this morning and I now am worried how he will handle it. Usually any major stress like this and he goes straight for his emotional hiding place.
Wish me luck.
Image
Nature Girl
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 60,328
Image
Be consoled by knowing that every one of us fit the mold too, but we have learned that by working a program we can live happy fullfilling lives. It takes time and work, but we're worth every minute.
You are not alone - we travel this road to recovery together, some limping and others holding us up, but we stumble along and before long we are walking steady again and enjoying the journey.
Just plan every day to do something for YOU. Something that will start you on the journey and step by step you will step out of the darkness into the light.
Hugs
Ann
Be consoled by knowing that every one of us fit the mold too, but we have learned that by working a program we can live happy fullfilling lives. It takes time and work, but we're worth every minute.
You are not alone - we travel this road to recovery together, some limping and others holding us up, but we stumble along and before long we are walking steady again and enjoying the journey.
Just plan every day to do something for YOU. Something that will start you on the journey and step by step you will step out of the darkness into the light.
Hugs
Ann
Member
Join Date: Apr 2003
Location: East Texasville
Posts: 6
I thought I was the only crazy paranoid one who listened behind bathroom doors and searched sock drawers! I think they have big meetings before they do meth and tell each other about how they were able to get out of trouble with their "wife" by acting like they were the crazy one. I am 31 and was married for 9 years (going through divorce) to W who is a meth addict. When I found a straw or burnt aluminum foil he ALWAYS told me that it was something from before. He also was very good at the, "If you're going to accuse me of it I might as well do it" game too. I let the guilt get the best of me for a long time. Your realization is the first step...good luck and write anytime if you want to talk. Been there...doing that!
Member
Join Date: Nov 2002
Location: Tennessee
Posts: 17
Man, this original post gave me chills too.
You know, it was years & years before it finally occurred to me (after starting to read posts here) that my husband wasn't the only person in the world who was saying stupid **** like that.
I mean, come on... some of the stuff they come up with is just so much FICTION!! He really should have been a writer with some of the things he said. Anyway (sorry, I got mad)
You are definitely not crazy. And I would dare to bet that when you were hearing these things being said to you, there was a little voice in your head saying, "Are you BELIEVING this?? What kind of idiot does he think I am?"
My little voice said that to me SO many times... I just never did anything about it.
But I guess it's like everyone always says... you never know when you've had enough until you've had enough. Then you will HAVE HAD ENOUGH!!
Best to you... keep coming here and talking to us. Believe me, you're not the only one to hear this craziness. I just wish you were the last!
Chickie-
You know, it was years & years before it finally occurred to me (after starting to read posts here) that my husband wasn't the only person in the world who was saying stupid **** like that.
I mean, come on... some of the stuff they come up with is just so much FICTION!! He really should have been a writer with some of the things he said. Anyway (sorry, I got mad)
You are definitely not crazy. And I would dare to bet that when you were hearing these things being said to you, there was a little voice in your head saying, "Are you BELIEVING this?? What kind of idiot does he think I am?"
My little voice said that to me SO many times... I just never did anything about it.
But I guess it's like everyone always says... you never know when you've had enough until you've had enough. Then you will HAVE HAD ENOUGH!!
Best to you... keep coming here and talking to us. Believe me, you're not the only one to hear this craziness. I just wish you were the last!
Chickie-
Member
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: North Vancouver, British Columbia
Posts: 1,714
Hi again Image - this is the number for Nar-Anon Family Groups Headquarters:
310-547-5800 (it's based in California)
They should be able to help point you in the right direction.
Good Luck!
310-547-5800 (it's based in California)
They should be able to help point you in the right direction.
Good Luck!
Awaiting Email Confirmation
Join Date: Nov 2002
Location: Jackson, Ms
Posts: 15
Welcome
I am so glad you wrote so much. I have seen other gone other go through what you are going through. I used to ask at what point will we say, enough. You have been saying enough for years. But it is hard to act it out. Did you ever see the movie Ground Hog Day. Our lives is like that. We just become better at
it. Enpower yourself. You deserve a better life.
My best to you. Keep coming here. There are a lot of good people here that helped me and they will help you.
Mara
it. Enpower yourself. You deserve a better life.
My best to you. Keep coming here. There are a lot of good people here that helped me and they will help you.
Mara
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
