Dealing with heroin
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2003
Location: reading, pa
Posts: 9
Dealing with heroin
I have been searching for a place to express my frustrations with my significant other and his heroin addiction, he already did the rehab thing and it didn't work, as i expected. His intentions were to do it to get rid of the "dope sickness" but he still does 2 bags a day sniffing instead of shooting. I wonder if anyone else has a problem with iv drug use. I'm not worried about HIV as he claims he uses/used his own needle and wouldn't use anyone elses, but i see the "bumps" on his arms, and i continually search all the vehicles for needles and other paraphanalia. I am needle phobic and i cannot and will not accept shooting dope. When i ask him about his behavior, all i get is a bunch of crap from him, then he accuses me of accusing him of something he's not doing. I know better, he knows i know better, yet he'll still deny banging dope as he calls it..He finially got a hold of a program in our area to put him on methadone to get rid of this crap once and for all and i personally cannot wait for it to end.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2003
Location: MidWest USA
Posts: 11
Welcome timsgirl31!
You have come to the right place to vent. I do not know a whole lot about heroin but am needle phobic as well. My addict used meth and luckily it did not get to the point of my worst nightmare...needle usage. Be very careful when searching for such things...you never know what might be down in the crack of the seat - poke! Also, methadone is not a quick fixer-upper. It is just as addictive as the real deal. I have known of success and failure on methadone. I hope you can tell of success! Your addict has to want to "get rid of this crap once and for all" as much as you do.
I am glad you found this site as there are many here to give you much support. Two thumbs up to you for saying what you feel. I encourage you to stick to your boundaries of not accepting needle use. Take care of yourself first!
Peace and prayers.
Lake
You have come to the right place to vent. I do not know a whole lot about heroin but am needle phobic as well. My addict used meth and luckily it did not get to the point of my worst nightmare...needle usage. Be very careful when searching for such things...you never know what might be down in the crack of the seat - poke! Also, methadone is not a quick fixer-upper. It is just as addictive as the real deal. I have known of success and failure on methadone. I hope you can tell of success! Your addict has to want to "get rid of this crap once and for all" as much as you do.
I am glad you found this site as there are many here to give you much support. Two thumbs up to you for saying what you feel. I encourage you to stick to your boundaries of not accepting needle use. Take care of yourself first!
Peace and prayers.
Lake
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Join Date: Aug 2002
Location: Vancouver, B.C. Canada
Posts: 0
Hi Timsgirl,
My adult son is a cocaine/heroin addict. He has been on the methadon program for about three years, now. It is the only prescribed program for heroin adicts. It is very hard to get off...my son has tried many times and hasn't had any succeed, yet. This is a program that must be worked. Unfortunately, they fall off that, too. Methadon takes away the sickness but not the urge. It seems that the doctors will up the prescription when the addict is going through a stressful time, believing it is better for the addict to be high on methadon than street drugs. I don't know if that is good or bad.
The good part about methadon is that the chaos that street drugs brings is halted. The addict is out of denial! There is hope that they will be able to wean off methadon in time.
As for needles...they come as the addiction progresses..for most anyways. It gives the addict a faster longer lasting high.
The first time that I discovered my son used a needle during one of his relapses, I was so devastated that I kneeled over and threw up. The stigma of an heroin addict using a needle is a painful emotion to go through. I hate the marks on his arm that are a reminder of the past. However, somewhere along that road, I decided it didn't matter...bottom line he was using. Thank goodness, my son has stayed away from needles the best he can, since.
My son told me that he starting using a needle when he was well into his addiction and that was the only form available at the time. He said that he didn't know how to do it properly and he hated it but did it anyways. Plus, money was an issue...same money but longer high. Another reason, when he gave up on himself...he just didn't care how he used. It was so sad.
This has been a tough topic. I hope I was able to help.
Always,
Linda
My adult son is a cocaine/heroin addict. He has been on the methadon program for about three years, now. It is the only prescribed program for heroin adicts. It is very hard to get off...my son has tried many times and hasn't had any succeed, yet. This is a program that must be worked. Unfortunately, they fall off that, too. Methadon takes away the sickness but not the urge. It seems that the doctors will up the prescription when the addict is going through a stressful time, believing it is better for the addict to be high on methadon than street drugs. I don't know if that is good or bad.
The good part about methadon is that the chaos that street drugs brings is halted. The addict is out of denial! There is hope that they will be able to wean off methadon in time.
As for needles...they come as the addiction progresses..for most anyways. It gives the addict a faster longer lasting high.
The first time that I discovered my son used a needle during one of his relapses, I was so devastated that I kneeled over and threw up. The stigma of an heroin addict using a needle is a painful emotion to go through. I hate the marks on his arm that are a reminder of the past. However, somewhere along that road, I decided it didn't matter...bottom line he was using. Thank goodness, my son has stayed away from needles the best he can, since.
My son told me that he starting using a needle when he was well into his addiction and that was the only form available at the time. He said that he didn't know how to do it properly and he hated it but did it anyways. Plus, money was an issue...same money but longer high. Another reason, when he gave up on himself...he just didn't care how he used. It was so sad.
This has been a tough topic. I hope I was able to help.
Always,
Linda
Member
Join Date: Jul 2003
Location: Home
Posts: 15
Hello and Welcome, TimsGirl31:
I've recently "evicted" my A.(husband), also a Heroin Addict, for his recent relapse. FIRST, Please PROTECT YOURSELF! Just as you came here, you NEED to take care of YOUR BODY when dealing with a Heroin addict: If you're engaging in sex with him, YOU SHOULD INSIST ON A DOUBLE CONDOM! Sorry. I've found no truth with my A. ~regarding ANYTHING: including needles.
Wanting to believe won't change the facts. My husband was also raped in Jail; just another consideration for you: although I'm sad for him about the rape, the Heroin got him in jail=and he very well could have contracted something from this tragic encounter, too. He refuses to be tested: I found I couldn't share intimacy with him; A GOOD THING (for me), since he didn't decide to mention it until AFTER he'd already initiated "sexual contact" with me. I thank God I couldn't go through with it, but will still need more tests done. I'm more afraid of HIV and Hepatitis C than I am of the needles, ((((TimsGirl))))).
Please reread your note, TimsGirl, and see what a wild, full-time job you've taken on WATCHING HIM: Please go to a NarAnon OR ALAnon meeting TODAY and then decide if this is a path you really want to pursue. Even IF you stay with him, applying NarAnon guidelines will allow YOU some of the peace you must NEED by now. God Bless You and PLEASE get YOU WELL. This is no way to live, is it? For either of you.
I say this having tried for 6 years with my husband, who is using again and now must live somewhere else. amd YES, he promised he'd commit suicide if he had to go. There won't be such an easy end to the craziness by ADDING Methadone into this sad mix. I pray you'll have YOUR Hepatitis and HIV tests,(if you need them) and proceed accordingly. Dear Girl, This is NO LIFE AT ALL, is it? You tug at my heart~I truly wish you the best and will look for your posts. This is YOUR time to get well. You can't wait for him.
I've recently "evicted" my A.(husband), also a Heroin Addict, for his recent relapse. FIRST, Please PROTECT YOURSELF! Just as you came here, you NEED to take care of YOUR BODY when dealing with a Heroin addict: If you're engaging in sex with him, YOU SHOULD INSIST ON A DOUBLE CONDOM! Sorry. I've found no truth with my A. ~regarding ANYTHING: including needles.
Wanting to believe won't change the facts. My husband was also raped in Jail; just another consideration for you: although I'm sad for him about the rape, the Heroin got him in jail=and he very well could have contracted something from this tragic encounter, too. He refuses to be tested: I found I couldn't share intimacy with him; A GOOD THING (for me), since he didn't decide to mention it until AFTER he'd already initiated "sexual contact" with me. I thank God I couldn't go through with it, but will still need more tests done. I'm more afraid of HIV and Hepatitis C than I am of the needles, ((((TimsGirl))))).
Please reread your note, TimsGirl, and see what a wild, full-time job you've taken on WATCHING HIM: Please go to a NarAnon OR ALAnon meeting TODAY and then decide if this is a path you really want to pursue. Even IF you stay with him, applying NarAnon guidelines will allow YOU some of the peace you must NEED by now. God Bless You and PLEASE get YOU WELL. This is no way to live, is it? For either of you.
I say this having tried for 6 years with my husband, who is using again and now must live somewhere else. amd YES, he promised he'd commit suicide if he had to go. There won't be such an easy end to the craziness by ADDING Methadone into this sad mix. I pray you'll have YOUR Hepatitis and HIV tests,(if you need them) and proceed accordingly. Dear Girl, This is NO LIFE AT ALL, is it? You tug at my heart~I truly wish you the best and will look for your posts. This is YOUR time to get well. You can't wait for him.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2003
Location: Baltimore, MD
Posts: 15
Timsgirl, My son was a herion/coke addict. He just started the Methadone. I was dead set against it at first. But it was his life and I can honestly say in all the years of trying rehabs this has been the only thing so far that has worked. We asked alot of questions about it and were told million different things. However again this is the first time it has worked. He is clean from herion. I finally have my son back. He holds a stable job, two I might add. If your SO is wanting Methadone I say push him to do it. The first week is a killer. He will be talking non stop and be a bundle of energy. Just hold tight because when he gets stable on it...It is a Beautiful thing! 
Love
C
Love
C
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2003
Location: reading, pa
Posts: 9
Everyone,
I am overwhelmed at the response to my post. For a long time I felt like I am the only one who is going thru this. My bf wants to really stop but he keeps on saying the pain is real. I cannot wait for him to start the methadone, as it seems to be the only way out for him at this time. I really do appreciate the care and concern and mostly the understanding, as my family kinda treats it as a deadly disease and just try to tell me how to feel about him and what to do.
Peace and love.
I am overwhelmed at the response to my post. For a long time I felt like I am the only one who is going thru this. My bf wants to really stop but he keeps on saying the pain is real. I cannot wait for him to start the methadone, as it seems to be the only way out for him at this time. I really do appreciate the care and concern and mostly the understanding, as my family kinda treats it as a deadly disease and just try to tell me how to feel about him and what to do.
Peace and love.
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Join Date: Jul 2003
Location: RHODE ISLAND
Posts: 1
DEAR TIMSGIRL, MY HUSBAND WAS A HEROIN AND OPIATE (PILLS) ABUSER AND HAS RELAPSED MANY TIMES AND JUST 5 DAYS AGO GOT CLEAN ONCE AGAIN. THERE IS ANOTHER ALTERNATIVE TO METHIDONE IT IS CALLED NALTREXONE IT IS AN OPIATE ANTAGONIST AND IT WILL MAKE HIM SICK TO DEATH IF HE USES IT AND USES DRUGS. THIS NALTREXONE ALSO CONTROLS CRAVINGS AND IS VERY SAFE AND NON- ADDICTIVE UNLIKE METHIDONE WHICH I CALL JUST ANOTHER DRUG BUT ITS LEGAL. YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN. ASK A DOCTOR ABOUT IT BEFORE HE STARTS METHIDONE, YOU WILL BE GLAD YOU DID AND SO WILL HE. IT REALLY WILL HELP WITH CRAVINGS. THAT IS THE HARDEST TIME FOR THEM TO GET THROUGH. I ALSO AM A TIM'S GIRL....BY THE WAY HAHAHA.... IT IS REALLY HARD TO DEAL WITH THIS BUT WITH ALANON OR NARANON IN YOUR LIFE IT IS DEFINATELY A STEP IN THE RIGHT DIRECTION.. EVEN THOUGH I AM NEW TO ALANON MYSELF I ONLY STARTED GOING MAY 2ND, IT REALLY HAS DONE WONDERS SO FAR AND I CAN'T WAIT TO SEE HOW MUCH BETTER IT GETS.... SO HANG IN THERE AND DONT FORGET CALL ABOUT NALTREXONE TODAY YOU WILL BE GLAD YOU DID....
LOVE AND HUGS,
LOLA
LOVE AND HUGS,
LOLA
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2003
Location: reading, pa
Posts: 9
Dear Lola,
Naltroxene was an alternative here in our state, but he would have to be clean for 7 days before he could start, and he tried that and failed. For him at this time the methadone seems to be the first step to actually get him to the point as to where he can use the naltroxene. I am all for the naltroxene before methadone, but desperate times calls for desperate measures in my opinion, because to be honest i can't take this drug bull anymore. I try to deal with it everyday and some days are harder then others.
Peace and love,
Heather
Naltroxene was an alternative here in our state, but he would have to be clean for 7 days before he could start, and he tried that and failed. For him at this time the methadone seems to be the first step to actually get him to the point as to where he can use the naltroxene. I am all for the naltroxene before methadone, but desperate times calls for desperate measures in my opinion, because to be honest i can't take this drug bull anymore. I try to deal with it everyday and some days are harder then others.
Peace and love,
Heather
Member
Join Date: Jul 2003
Location: Home
Posts: 15
I'm SO glad to see you ARE coming back here, TimsGirl, and, in all truth, you sound better than you first did. It DOES help knowing you're not all alone in this, doesn't it? Sad, awful situation: BUT, you are not alone.
Have you looked into either Al-Anon or Nar-Anon? Regardless of what your A. (short for Addict) does, YOU'LL be needing regular and "Face to Face" help for yourself, Heather. These forums HELP, ALOT: sometimes it feels better than some meetintgs I've been to, actually: But in truth, this isn't all you'll probably need to "let go, let God" and LET HIM DO WHATEVER HE'S GOING TO DO ANYWAY.
If you've read some of the many posts on this subject, you'll see a common theme: We people who love addicts end up acting crazier, without help, than the addicts. Or at least, very nearly. Running into crack houses in unsafe neighborhoods to "save" our loved ones, loaning them MORE money, cars, WHATEVER. TimsGirl31, it really is IMPERATIVE that YOU not go down the drain WHATEVER your Boyfriend chooses to do. And in truth, YOU could be keeping him (enabling) from "hitting bottom" and getting serious about HIS recovery. No one means to do that, we do, anyway, though, without HELP for ourselves, Heather.
I haven't seen any mention of what you're doing FOR YOU: Although getting HERE is a HUGE and BRAVE step, and I'm so glad you're back, FOCUS ON WHAT YOU'RE GOING TO DO: Nar-Anon REALLY helps, Heather! Also, there are some books you might want to read about Addicitve Personalities: You can't change him, no matter what he or YOU are telling yourself. Maybe delay. NOT CHANGE. And it's clear you need some comfort and (((((hugs)))).
You have YOU to work on~and be nice to! I hope I don't sound like your parents-my Husband is an A, too, remember. We made an agreement: Awfully close to "Bargaining":a BIG NO-NO" in MY OWN RECOVERY: so HE HAD TO GO when he decided to use again. So. And I love him VERY, VERY MUCH. These tools are out there, Girl, and I'm eager for you to get even healthier, using methods THAT WORK (work your OWN PROGRAM, Heather)-regardless of what works for "Tim"! Always WILL wish you well. I'll be waiting for you to post again: hope its soon! Love for You, TimsGirl! BlueJay
Have you looked into either Al-Anon or Nar-Anon? Regardless of what your A. (short for Addict) does, YOU'LL be needing regular and "Face to Face" help for yourself, Heather. These forums HELP, ALOT: sometimes it feels better than some meetintgs I've been to, actually: But in truth, this isn't all you'll probably need to "let go, let God" and LET HIM DO WHATEVER HE'S GOING TO DO ANYWAY.
If you've read some of the many posts on this subject, you'll see a common theme: We people who love addicts end up acting crazier, without help, than the addicts. Or at least, very nearly. Running into crack houses in unsafe neighborhoods to "save" our loved ones, loaning them MORE money, cars, WHATEVER. TimsGirl31, it really is IMPERATIVE that YOU not go down the drain WHATEVER your Boyfriend chooses to do. And in truth, YOU could be keeping him (enabling) from "hitting bottom" and getting serious about HIS recovery. No one means to do that, we do, anyway, though, without HELP for ourselves, Heather.
I haven't seen any mention of what you're doing FOR YOU: Although getting HERE is a HUGE and BRAVE step, and I'm so glad you're back, FOCUS ON WHAT YOU'RE GOING TO DO: Nar-Anon REALLY helps, Heather! Also, there are some books you might want to read about Addicitve Personalities: You can't change him, no matter what he or YOU are telling yourself. Maybe delay. NOT CHANGE. And it's clear you need some comfort and (((((hugs)))).
You have YOU to work on~and be nice to! I hope I don't sound like your parents-my Husband is an A, too, remember. We made an agreement: Awfully close to "Bargaining":a BIG NO-NO" in MY OWN RECOVERY: so HE HAD TO GO when he decided to use again. So. And I love him VERY, VERY MUCH. These tools are out there, Girl, and I'm eager for you to get even healthier, using methods THAT WORK (work your OWN PROGRAM, Heather)-regardless of what works for "Tim"! Always WILL wish you well. I'll be waiting for you to post again: hope its soon! Love for You, TimsGirl! BlueJay
Last edited by BlueJay; 07-29-2003 at 04:00 PM.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2003
Location: reading, pa
Posts: 9
well, folks, at this point, i am replying because i read the last post. I am sitting here trying to think of everything that I am doing for myself and I honestly cannot think of a one thing that I have done for myself. Most of my life all I did was making sure that everyone else was ok, not thinking of what I want for myself. Let me get back to everyone when I figure out what it is that I am doing for myself.
Peace and Love,
Heather
Peace and Love,
Heather
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Join Date: Apr 2003
Location: California
Posts: 11
Hi TimsGirl
I'm sorry that you are having to deal with heroin. I am the stepmother to a 24 year old heroin addict. He's been clean since March, but has relapsed more than a few times. I've never been around him when he's used because he moved to California from New Jersey where he was destroying his life with drugs. His mother kicked him out of the house and my husband and I decided to give him "one last time" from us to give him an opportunity to turn his life around.
Since March it's been a rocky road, but today he is clean. I don't understand what a heroin addict goes through in terms of cravings, pain, etc., but I do know that if they want to stop using they can.
He has recently met a new girl and they are dating. I know she is completely clueless when it comes to understanding an addict. I also know they are sexually active and I worry for her safety. I know he used needles that were shared. I can only hope that he has been honest with her and they use protection. You MUST protect yourself - you don't owe your life to your partner.
I pray that you will find the right path during this struggle.
Glenda
I'm sorry that you are having to deal with heroin. I am the stepmother to a 24 year old heroin addict. He's been clean since March, but has relapsed more than a few times. I've never been around him when he's used because he moved to California from New Jersey where he was destroying his life with drugs. His mother kicked him out of the house and my husband and I decided to give him "one last time" from us to give him an opportunity to turn his life around.
Since March it's been a rocky road, but today he is clean. I don't understand what a heroin addict goes through in terms of cravings, pain, etc., but I do know that if they want to stop using they can.
He has recently met a new girl and they are dating. I know she is completely clueless when it comes to understanding an addict. I also know they are sexually active and I worry for her safety. I know he used needles that were shared. I can only hope that he has been honest with her and they use protection. You MUST protect yourself - you don't owe your life to your partner.
I pray that you will find the right path during this struggle.
Glenda
Member
Join Date: Jun 2003
Location: Louisville, Kentucky
Posts: 1
My husband is a 7-8 year heavy opiate addict and was just put on Suboxone. Suboxone has been approved by the FDA since October 2002 and I can tell you it has been a God send for us. He says he actually feels normal (whatever that means!!) and has no cravings to use. He's still in AA/NA recovery and works a good program as well. I'm telling you, Suboxone is the best thing to ever happen for opiate/heroin addicts since that Big Blue Book and it can be prescribed by doctors qualified to do so.
Hope that was okay to post . . . take care!
Hope that was okay to post . . . take care!
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Join Date: May 2003
Location: walking down a happier trail
Posts: 50
This thread touch a part of me that I dont talk about to much... My sister and my cousin (God rest her soul) were both heroin addicts. First I will tell you a little bit about my sister... She is in her mid 20's and had been using heroin for over 5 years... I have seen her "kick" using medthadon... the muscle spasms, stomache cramp, and all of the lovely things that go along with that arent all that much fun to watch I cant imagine what it would me like to live it... I do remember last summer going to her house and picking her up off of the floor... She was laying there passed out... She had an abcess (sp) in her hip from shooting up into the muscles because she doesnt have any veins left.... in any case this infection was the size of a softball... it was huge and red and streaks were running down her legs... she was running a fever and was delusional... I put her in my car and took her to the ER... Of course they admitted her and took her to surgery right away... I had no idea what the extent of her addiction was at that time... She lied all the time... so much that I dont think that she even knew what the truth was anymore... To make a long story short she was in the hospital for over 2 weeks before she went to stay in a nursing home because she got something that they call MERSA... what that is is a bacterial infection that is antibiotic resistant... there are only 2 possible drugs that can treat that... She was on IV antibiotic administer through her NECK for the entire time... That was the only place there was a viable vein... She under went 4 surgeries on her wound to drain and debride it... That was the biggest living hell I have ever gone through...
Today I know that she has traded pills for the needles... This is not ok with me but then again no one is asking me... I trying to practice my recovery with all of the addicts in my life.... one day at a time...
Now my cousin... She was my Aunts only child... She got hooked up with a guy that was using heroin... monkey see monkey do... I know that he was abusing her during their relationship... I also know that they were doing LOTS of imoral things to get their drugs... In the end she was selling herself for drugs... This was while the boyfriend was in prison for drugs and threatening her... Send him money or he would get out and beat her to death... Dont get me wrong she was wrong to not get help but he was wrong too...
I want to tell you about the last part of her life as I know it... I didnt have much contact with her during the last years as I couldnt handle the choices that she was making... I would have taken her to treatment if she had called or any number of other things... I was just not enabling her to continue to be an addict...
From what I have heard about her last days the boyfriend had called her from prison and told her something that made her think that her life was beyond worthless... I still dont know what that was.. I only hope that he will never forget it or what it caused... Anyway my cousin got in her car and went to get dealer and bought 5 different kinds of pills and a quanitity of heroin... She drove in her car to a quiet place off the road and took her pills... she then wrote and note talking about how much she loved him and now he wouldnt have to put up with her anymore... There were other things in the note about her daughter and mom and dad... she then shot up the heroin... I lethal dose... covered up with her jacket and laid down.... holding her cell phone... almost as though she had intended to call someone.... 3 days past... A man walking down that road for the third day in a row finally realized that her car was still sitting there and she was in it... By the time this happened she was long long long long gone... she skin was peeling from her body... There was nothing left of the beautiful girl that she had been... She left behind a daughter and parent who loved her but couldnt help her...
That was the last time that our family was all together...
I know that this post is long and I am sorry for not being able to be brief...I think that their stories might be able to help someone somewhere... every single addict in the world will do just what they want no matter what we think, want cry for, beg for, enable or anything else you can think of... I have done it all with each addict in my life... I AM POWERLESS... I am always here for them but I cant save then... I will be more than happy to help you get to detox, treatment or a meeting... I will not validate your addiction... Alanon/Naranon is so important...do what you need to do to take care of you cause when the sky is falling you are all you have...
Love and Light,
Kat
Today I know that she has traded pills for the needles... This is not ok with me but then again no one is asking me... I trying to practice my recovery with all of the addicts in my life.... one day at a time...
Now my cousin... She was my Aunts only child... She got hooked up with a guy that was using heroin... monkey see monkey do... I know that he was abusing her during their relationship... I also know that they were doing LOTS of imoral things to get their drugs... In the end she was selling herself for drugs... This was while the boyfriend was in prison for drugs and threatening her... Send him money or he would get out and beat her to death... Dont get me wrong she was wrong to not get help but he was wrong too...
I want to tell you about the last part of her life as I know it... I didnt have much contact with her during the last years as I couldnt handle the choices that she was making... I would have taken her to treatment if she had called or any number of other things... I was just not enabling her to continue to be an addict...
From what I have heard about her last days the boyfriend had called her from prison and told her something that made her think that her life was beyond worthless... I still dont know what that was.. I only hope that he will never forget it or what it caused... Anyway my cousin got in her car and went to get dealer and bought 5 different kinds of pills and a quanitity of heroin... She drove in her car to a quiet place off the road and took her pills... she then wrote and note talking about how much she loved him and now he wouldnt have to put up with her anymore... There were other things in the note about her daughter and mom and dad... she then shot up the heroin... I lethal dose... covered up with her jacket and laid down.... holding her cell phone... almost as though she had intended to call someone.... 3 days past... A man walking down that road for the third day in a row finally realized that her car was still sitting there and she was in it... By the time this happened she was long long long long gone... she skin was peeling from her body... There was nothing left of the beautiful girl that she had been... She left behind a daughter and parent who loved her but couldnt help her...
That was the last time that our family was all together...
I know that this post is long and I am sorry for not being able to be brief...I think that their stories might be able to help someone somewhere... every single addict in the world will do just what they want no matter what we think, want cry for, beg for, enable or anything else you can think of... I have done it all with each addict in my life... I AM POWERLESS... I am always here for them but I cant save then... I will be more than happy to help you get to detox, treatment or a meeting... I will not validate your addiction... Alanon/Naranon is so important...do what you need to do to take care of you cause when the sky is falling you are all you have...
Love and Light,
Kat
Member
Join Date: Jul 2003
Location: Home
Posts: 15
Originally posted by timsgirl31
well, folks, at this point, i am replying because i read the last post. I am sitting here trying to think of everything that I am doing for myself and I honestly cannot think of a one thing that I have done for myself. Most of my life all I did was making sure that everyone else was ok, not thinking of what I want for myself. Let me get back to everyone when I figure out what it is that I am doing for myself.
Peace and Love,
Heather
well, folks, at this point, i am replying because i read the last post. I am sitting here trying to think of everything that I am doing for myself and I honestly cannot think of a one thing that I have done for myself. Most of my life all I did was making sure that everyone else was ok, not thinking of what I want for myself. Let me get back to everyone when I figure out what it is that I am doing for myself.
Peace and Love,
Heather
Truly Want the Best for YOU, Heather! God Bless you, sweet Girl! Hanging On to HOPE and a BIG ((((HUG)))) to YOU, Brave Girl! Sending you LOVE, BlueJay
Last edited by BlueJay; 07-30-2003 at 09:28 AM.
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Join Date: May 2003
Location: Fremont CA
Posts: 4
Can I help?
Originally posted by timsgirl31
well, folks, at this point, i am replying because i read the last post. I am sitting here trying to think of everything that I am doing for myself and I honestly cannot think of a one thing that I have done for myself. Most of my life all I did was making sure that everyone else was ok, not thinking of what I want for myself. Let me get back to everyone when I figure out what it is that I am doing for myself.
Peace and Love,
Heather
well, folks, at this point, i am replying because i read the last post. I am sitting here trying to think of everything that I am doing for myself and I honestly cannot think of a one thing that I have done for myself. Most of my life all I did was making sure that everyone else was ok, not thinking of what I want for myself. Let me get back to everyone when I figure out what it is that I am doing for myself.
Peace and Love,
Heather
1. Sought help at soberrecovery.com
Nature Girl
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 60,328
Hi timsgirl
Acknowledging that YOU have a problem and coming here was a big step.
I am going to offer a few suggestions on some other things you can do as you feel willing and able.
Go to a Nar-Anon meeting and meet a room full of people just like you who can offer support and guide you through working the 12 step program. This program is wonderful for everything in your life, not just being with an addict, and is a terrific way of living a healthy and happy life.
Read "Codependent No More" by Melody Beattie. If you've already read it, read "Language of Letting Go" also by her. Both books are all about US and are part of my personal survival kit.
Learn to detach from his addiction and/or his recovery. You didn't cause it, can't cure it and can't control it. Instead turn your focus to yourself and make sure that your needs are met and that your happiness comes first.
Keep sharing here. We love you and care.
Make a list of things to do that would make YOU happy. These can be fun things, hobbies, schooling, career choices or anything you want and then plan on doing at least one of them and take action to get started.
Think about where you want your life to be in one year and decide how long you are willing to ride this out.
And take special time each day, just for you. A quiet time to think, pray and meditate. I like to light a candle and just sit quietly, sometimes with music and sometimes not.
Call an old friend that you have neglected while focusing on your addict. Plan to go for lunch or for a walk or anything and rekindle that friendship.
Did I say a FEW suggestions LOL.? Well you get the idea. Just pick one thing from the list and do it. It is a start to planning for your own happiness.
Hugs
Ann
Acknowledging that YOU have a problem and coming here was a big step.
I am going to offer a few suggestions on some other things you can do as you feel willing and able.
Go to a Nar-Anon meeting and meet a room full of people just like you who can offer support and guide you through working the 12 step program. This program is wonderful for everything in your life, not just being with an addict, and is a terrific way of living a healthy and happy life.
Read "Codependent No More" by Melody Beattie. If you've already read it, read "Language of Letting Go" also by her. Both books are all about US and are part of my personal survival kit.
Learn to detach from his addiction and/or his recovery. You didn't cause it, can't cure it and can't control it. Instead turn your focus to yourself and make sure that your needs are met and that your happiness comes first.
Keep sharing here. We love you and care.
Make a list of things to do that would make YOU happy. These can be fun things, hobbies, schooling, career choices or anything you want and then plan on doing at least one of them and take action to get started.
Think about where you want your life to be in one year and decide how long you are willing to ride this out.
And take special time each day, just for you. A quiet time to think, pray and meditate. I like to light a candle and just sit quietly, sometimes with music and sometimes not.
Call an old friend that you have neglected while focusing on your addict. Plan to go for lunch or for a walk or anything and rekindle that friendship.
Did I say a FEW suggestions LOL.? Well you get the idea. Just pick one thing from the list and do it. It is a start to planning for your own happiness.
Hugs
Ann
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2003
Location: reading, pa
Posts: 9
Dear ALYX,
I never thought of it that way. lol. Ya know, funny thing this morning, the A went for his crap, nobody was out yet, and would you guys believe i sat there with him for 15 mins until the dealer came out. Then, there was other "buddies" around, and he wanted me to tell them that there was nobody out, i told him to f off and i wasn't gonna say crap. Let them find out for themselves, i'm not into their click. Yeah, i'm a tad bit edgy today about it, so i guess it just might be a bad day.
Wishing I was an undercover cop,
peace and love,
Heather
I never thought of it that way. lol. Ya know, funny thing this morning, the A went for his crap, nobody was out yet, and would you guys believe i sat there with him for 15 mins until the dealer came out. Then, there was other "buddies" around, and he wanted me to tell them that there was nobody out, i told him to f off and i wasn't gonna say crap. Let them find out for themselves, i'm not into their click. Yeah, i'm a tad bit edgy today about it, so i guess it just might be a bad day.
Wishing I was an undercover cop,
peace and love,
Heather
believer
Join Date: Aug 2002
Location: walking in faith
Posts: 1,023
Hi Heather,
I spent many nights sitting in my car in God-forsaken neighborhoods, waiting for my husband while he was off somewhere sucking on a crack pipe. I thought if I was there, I could keep him from getting killed. What the hell was I thinking? All I was doing was enabling him to keep using. Where do you think the money came from? Me. I would sit in the car waiting for hours for him to come back and when he did, it was often with some story about how he needed more money b/c the dealer said he hadn't given him enough. So I would give him more money and he would disappear for another hour or so...
I was part of the problem - a huge part. My actions allowed my husband to continue using. I wasn't keeping him safe, I was keeping his addiction active. And I was putting my own life in jeopardy. On more than one occasion I rode around with my husband and some gun-toting dealer in the car so I could go to the ATM machine for more money. God knows what could have happened to me.
I'm sharing all of this b/c being in that element is dangerous and I'd hate to see you getting more involved in this mess. If your SO wants to continue using, that's his choice, but you don't have to be a participant. The sooner you can detach from his using the better, if for no other reason but to keep you safe.
Take care and hugs,
JG
I spent many nights sitting in my car in God-forsaken neighborhoods, waiting for my husband while he was off somewhere sucking on a crack pipe. I thought if I was there, I could keep him from getting killed. What the hell was I thinking? All I was doing was enabling him to keep using. Where do you think the money came from? Me. I would sit in the car waiting for hours for him to come back and when he did, it was often with some story about how he needed more money b/c the dealer said he hadn't given him enough. So I would give him more money and he would disappear for another hour or so...
I was part of the problem - a huge part. My actions allowed my husband to continue using. I wasn't keeping him safe, I was keeping his addiction active. And I was putting my own life in jeopardy. On more than one occasion I rode around with my husband and some gun-toting dealer in the car so I could go to the ATM machine for more money. God knows what could have happened to me.
I'm sharing all of this b/c being in that element is dangerous and I'd hate to see you getting more involved in this mess. If your SO wants to continue using, that's his choice, but you don't have to be a participant. The sooner you can detach from his using the better, if for no other reason but to keep you safe.
Take care and hugs,
JG
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Join Date: May 2003
Location: Fremont CA
Posts: 4
Glad I could help a little. Here's some suggestions for 2 and 3:
(and please tell me to butt out if I am too nosey!)
2. Keep yourself out of danger
3. Re-read the other posts in this thread, keep what you like and leave the rest.
Here's a big virtual hug.. I was really glad to see that you've come back to us here.
Alyx
(and please tell me to butt out if I am too nosey!)
2. Keep yourself out of danger
3. Re-read the other posts in this thread, keep what you like and leave the rest.
Here's a big virtual hug.. I was really glad to see that you've come back to us here.
Alyx
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2003
Location: reading, pa
Posts: 9
Well, i mostly take him there to make sure he isn't shooting the crap, i cannot tolerate that at all and that is the only way i am assured that he isn't doing that method. well, today his 2 bags were garbage, so he had to get one for tomorrow morning. what a bunch of you know what................
god grant me the serenity to accept the things i cannot change
give me courage to change the things i can
and the wisdom to know the difference......................
peace and love
heather
god grant me the serenity to accept the things i cannot change
give me courage to change the things i can
and the wisdom to know the difference......................
peace and love
heather
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