The end is near
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2008
Location: back from the brink
Posts: 457
The end is near
The end is near.... for my marriage. 5 more days and my divorce will be final. It will be "officially" over, although emotionally it has been over for a long long time.
But, I know it is very true that when one door closes, another opens. I'm really looking FORWARD with much eagerness to the future.
No longer will I worry about:
• what shape he'll be in, when I get home from work. Drunk, angry, or is he even home?
• No more spoiled holidays due to his drinking, offending relatives, friends, coworkers.
• No more financial surprises.
• No more "walking around on eggshells".
• No more hidden bottles.
• No more will I see the terrified look on our sons faces when we'd have a fight over the drinking
We've been living separate for nearly 2 years, and in that time, I've done a lot of work on myself, and I think I am healing and headed in the right direction. I seldom think of him these days, unless it has to do with the details of the divorce. Odd, after 27 years, to not think about him. I was like many of you, fully committed to my marriage, and did whatever possible to make it work, fix the problems, tried to hold it all together, tried everything under the sun to get him to stop drinking. I wanted a functional happy family, and it was not possible with my AH. He just couldn't quit. It took me a long time to wave the white flag and realize I had no power over this disease of his.
I have some lingering hard feelings, which I hope will wain in time.
Through the last few years, I have relied on my faith to get me through the tough spots, and there were plenty obstacles in my path, many times there was no way, and my HP made a way. Things that were insurmountable, unbeatable, kept popping up in my path. Sometimes I felt as if the evil forces that plagued my AH were surrounding me also, long after he'd left. I truly believe there IS good and evil, and that it did very much exist in my AH. It was part of his disease, and had total control of him to his soul.
I can't begin to express fully the relief I am feeling. I wish it for all of you that are also still entrenched in this battle. Keep the faith, it works!:ghug3
But, I know it is very true that when one door closes, another opens. I'm really looking FORWARD with much eagerness to the future.
No longer will I worry about:
• what shape he'll be in, when I get home from work. Drunk, angry, or is he even home?
• No more spoiled holidays due to his drinking, offending relatives, friends, coworkers.
• No more financial surprises.
• No more "walking around on eggshells".
• No more hidden bottles.
• No more will I see the terrified look on our sons faces when we'd have a fight over the drinking
We've been living separate for nearly 2 years, and in that time, I've done a lot of work on myself, and I think I am healing and headed in the right direction. I seldom think of him these days, unless it has to do with the details of the divorce. Odd, after 27 years, to not think about him. I was like many of you, fully committed to my marriage, and did whatever possible to make it work, fix the problems, tried to hold it all together, tried everything under the sun to get him to stop drinking. I wanted a functional happy family, and it was not possible with my AH. He just couldn't quit. It took me a long time to wave the white flag and realize I had no power over this disease of his.
I have some lingering hard feelings, which I hope will wain in time.
Through the last few years, I have relied on my faith to get me through the tough spots, and there were plenty obstacles in my path, many times there was no way, and my HP made a way. Things that were insurmountable, unbeatable, kept popping up in my path. Sometimes I felt as if the evil forces that plagued my AH were surrounding me also, long after he'd left. I truly believe there IS good and evil, and that it did very much exist in my AH. It was part of his disease, and had total control of him to his soul.
I can't begin to express fully the relief I am feeling. I wish it for all of you that are also still entrenched in this battle. Keep the faith, it works!:ghug3
Member
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: Kansas
Posts: 10,182
Isn't it wonderful to not have those worries that you listed anymore? :ghug
I got up this morning to a quiet house, let the dogs out for potty break, and started my coffee. The temps have been so mild this past week, my house was still opened up from yesterday. There's a breeze coming in my south window right now, and thunderstorms are predicted this afternoon. I love this time of year.
There is no chaos, no confusion, no crazy-making behavior in this household. I am so grateful I finally gave myself a chance and have worked hard to get to where I am today.
I got up this morning to a quiet house, let the dogs out for potty break, and started my coffee. The temps have been so mild this past week, my house was still opened up from yesterday. There's a breeze coming in my south window right now, and thunderstorms are predicted this afternoon. I love this time of year.
There is no chaos, no confusion, no crazy-making behavior in this household. I am so grateful I finally gave myself a chance and have worked hard to get to where I am today.
peaceful seabird
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: floating
Posts: 4,822
Thank you for sharing!
You mentioned this:
I have some lingering hard feelings, which I hope will wain in time
My divorce was final last week. One of the steps I took to help myself remove resentments was taken from Louise Hay's book "You can Heal Your Life." This affirmation set me free from the past:
"I forgive you for not being the way I wanted you to be.
I forgive you and I set you free."
May you enjoy your new life!
Peace and Hugs!
You mentioned this:
I have some lingering hard feelings, which I hope will wain in time
My divorce was final last week. One of the steps I took to help myself remove resentments was taken from Louise Hay's book "You can Heal Your Life." This affirmation set me free from the past:
"I forgive you for not being the way I wanted you to be.
I forgive you and I set you free."
May you enjoy your new life!
Peace and Hugs!
Member
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Stumbling toward happiness
Posts: 4,706
Originally Posted by Pelican 
This affirmation set me free from the past:
"I forgive you for not being the way I wanted you to be.
I forgive you and I set you free."
"I forgive you for not being the way I wanted you to be.
I forgive you and I set you free."
Pelican, thanks for that beautiful affirmation. I know it's one I'll use all the time now.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: Baton Rouge, La.
Posts: 15,236
I just ended a 25 yr marriage last June.
I was the one in recovery while my spouse
and kids were the normies.
The marriage was unbalanced because of
my recovery. I got sober 7 yrs into the
marriage and have been sober for 18 yrs
now.
As i changed i left the rest behind as they
didnt understand my recovery.
In order for the family to become healthy
and stay together then the whole family
should work some sort of program.
Anyway... we split on good terms and
the divorce went thru almost perfectly.
We left out the emotions and verbal
communication as he lived in Tx and
I had move back to Louisiana.
Since then ive remarried to a wonderful
man whom is also in recovery. With
his 35 yr marriage and my 25, we stand
a good chance of a long term marriage.
Both of us r gifts to each other as neither
of us were looking to begin a new relation-
ship any time soon. Esp. since i was just
getting divorced and with him his wife
passed away due to illness.
We have lots in common such as motorcycles,
tattoos, recovery and enjoying life. Our
marriage is built on trust and honesty and
we allow our HP guide us and protect us
one day at a time living happy joyous and
free in recovery.
Life is grand today.
I was the one in recovery while my spouse
and kids were the normies.
The marriage was unbalanced because of
my recovery. I got sober 7 yrs into the
marriage and have been sober for 18 yrs
now.
As i changed i left the rest behind as they
didnt understand my recovery.
In order for the family to become healthy
and stay together then the whole family
should work some sort of program.
Anyway... we split on good terms and
the divorce went thru almost perfectly.
We left out the emotions and verbal
communication as he lived in Tx and
I had move back to Louisiana.
Since then ive remarried to a wonderful
man whom is also in recovery. With
his 35 yr marriage and my 25, we stand
a good chance of a long term marriage.
Both of us r gifts to each other as neither
of us were looking to begin a new relation-
ship any time soon. Esp. since i was just
getting divorced and with him his wife
passed away due to illness.
We have lots in common such as motorcycles,
tattoos, recovery and enjoying life. Our
marriage is built on trust and honesty and
we allow our HP guide us and protect us
one day at a time living happy joyous and
free in recovery.
Life is grand today.
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