kj3880

I've shared a while ago that one of my brothers-in-law (ABIL) is an addict. He's an long-term opiate addict and a pot head. His wife, my sis E., is totally codie. She works all the time, while ABIL spends all their money and stays home playing on the internet all day. He doesn't even clean up after himself.

I've shared that last month at my dads' b'day party, ABIL was extremely high and very rude and inappropriate to one of my other sisters, Kel. Kel left the party and vowed never to let herself or her children be in his company again until he sobers up/can behave himself.

I had a similar experience with him at Christmas (he screamed at me for no reason about playing with "his children" while he was high. It made no sense at all, so don't even try to figure him out.), and I decided that I wouldn't be around him any more until he stops using either. He's stolen from my parents' home before, also.

My mother is very upset with Kel and I, but this is part of recovery for me, not being around using addicts.

So Kel is throwing a huge, lavish wedding for her daughter next month. The daughter has asked Kel not to have ABIL there as he is an embarrassment and she is worried that he will act out and cause a Jerry Springer-type situation on her special day, and Kel agrees. She sent out a wedding invitation to our sister E, ABIL's wife, and didn't include ABIL on it.

Kel also sent E. what I think is a very nice letter explaining that she understands if E. chooses not to attend because ABIL isn't invited, and explaining why he isn't, telling her she hopes E will come anyway. The letter was very honest, but caring and kindly worded. She ended by saying that she would love and be there for E. no matter what she decided, and was always available should she need anything.

I'm just so proud of Kel for confronting this head-on. I know I probably would have caved in to my moms' continual pressure to invite ABIL, and then I would have felt like cr@p for not being true to my own belief system and recovery.

My mom is calling me over and over to try to get me to "fix this with Kel and E." as I am the oldest, but I'm not going to do that. I think Kel is right, and I think she is very strong.

KJ

cece1960

That took great nerve, and will most likely have ramifications
BUT...I would be proud too

Seren

Wow....that's fantastic and I'm envious of her courage. Good for you, too, for sticking to your boundaries and for not getting involved in the middle!

Hugs, HG

winnie12

Good for her - that did take a lot of bravery.
have you ever considered sitting down with mom and some of your family and having a talk with her? She really seems to make all of this worse and puts a lot of pressure on the rest of the family just to make BIL welcomed. Might be time to just tell her you wont get involved or talk about it anymore. I had to do that once with my Dad - it was hard and he didnt talk to me for a few weeks but he gained a lot of respect for me in the end and he doesnt meddle as much now.

greeteachday

I'm so glad your sister did this for her daughter. A wedding is a special occassion and to have the memory ruined due to the antics of an addict would just stink.

After some mess at Easter with a cousin of my husband's who is probably an addict (I keep myself completely detached from the drama - he simply sickens me) and is definitely an absolute jerk, my daughter told me there is no way she wants him at her wedding when that day comes. I suspect there will be all kinds of family drama about that, but I certainly understand why and respect her choice.

It's nice that your sister took the time to explain the reasons and let your other sister know that she is welcome without her husband.

Angelic17

This is a huge problem in many families today. There is always one addict person in the family who can mortify you in front of your new inlaws. It's great that she made things clear before the time comes. Best to eliminate the problem, before it happens.