suchAsucker

I'm so ashamed of myself, but I wanted to share my experience to (maybe) help others... So ashamed of myself.

To update, my addict fiance left before my move date (29 April, 5 days from today) and I had my freedom back... Well, Easter came and my 36 birthday, and he quacked and swaggered himself back into my life with the best BS in town. In the past 7 days, he has stolen and gave to his drug dealers over $110 in my cash and *quarters*, and drank $90 in beer and cigatettes. I loathe myself way more than I hate him right now...

Thank God I'm still set on my April 29th move date to get the heck outta this state and away from him... I cannot believe that I fell for this BS after 2.8 years of living with him (including an 8 month penitentary term).. I feel like such a fool, pitifully self-righteous, and fallen.. but if my story can help others I decided to share it by swalling my pride and shame...

Still have my eyes on the prize... leaving in 5 days.. thank God I didn't cancel the movers... But a lesson learned... I'm so ashamed for my desire to believe that he was ready to reform, and I hate him now for using me for his own BS... More money wasted... More time wasted.. more of my life wasted for "hope in his potential"... Prayers please... I'm so angry I could eat steel rods right now...

MsPINKAcres

Cunning, baffling and powerful is this disease and it affects us as well as it affects them, my sweet friend.

I can speak only for myself - but I have been there too - I can tell you that I did it for over 16 yrs. As of today I have almost 5 months clear and free of my ex A and I am so grateful. BUT I know that I must stay strong in my recovery and away from his QUACKING so that I remember I deserve better!!

HUGS to you and lovingly remind yourself Progress Not Perfection.

Rita

suchAsucker

Thank you, Rita, for your kind words... You are a blessing... S.S.

liesagain

suchasucker

dont beat yourself up..........just learn~~~~~ thats what life is all about we continue to learn each day and we keep putting one foot in front of the other.

some lessons hurt but your not alone and your not a fool. You just tried to believe in and trust someone that let you down. It doesnt make you a fool.

Hang in there and keep with your plans for YOU!!! best wishes

GwenMarie30

Like everyone of us do, we fall for it sometime or other. Your human with feelings too. But try looking at it this way, this is just one more notch in your reslove and not looking back. We have to make mistakes to learn from them. Thats the only way we grow is to learn. It does suck that it has to be the hard way at the cost of our emotions but be grateful it wasnt worse. In all reality, you have the last laugh cause you didnt fall for it hook line and sinker. You kept the movers coming. The only mistake you made was trying to believe. Nothing more. Well now you have learned not to believe in him. Maybe this was just a final straw.

I say come on 5 DAYS! That is good and keep your sights on that and not to dwell on this. He is still stuck in his addiction and you are moving forward still and away! Good for you!

cessy68

oh my hon, I'm so sorry , very very sorry that you feel this way.

DON'T

It's very easy to get 'sucked in by these energy vampires'.

All you can do, is live and learn, but if your beating on yourself, it will only get worse for you. Take it from a repeat offender of the same crime you commit.
HUGSSSSSS !
Cess

Ann

Nope, not wasted. Now you can get out of Dodge with no doubts about doing the right thing. Lessons like that are priceless.

Hugs

Freedom1990

The fact that you were willing to share what you have gone through in order to help others is indeed an indicator you have learned from this, hon.

Give me a 'bad boy' and I'm a goner...well, I used to be.

You can put the big stick down now, okay? :ghug :ghug

kj3880

I can at least see a little bit of positive in this situation...you got a last chance to see what he did when you gave him "one more chance." So now you never have to wonder "what if I would have..." Know what I mean? Does he know you are leaving?
Hide your checkbook and your online account info, or risk it being pirated!
Love,
KJ

cece1960

I can't say it much better than that.

Besides, its not our mistakes that matter, its what we do different moving forward.
Give yourself a break...and a pat on the back for having the courage to make changes.
(((Hugs)))

suchAsucker

Friends,

Thank you so much.. I love CeCe's endqoute by Shinedown, "Sometimes Goodbye is a Second Chance..." You're right, there is at least relief in knowing that I tried... And in one of my posts a couple weeks ago,, one you Fine People said that "Serenity will come"... That has stuck to me... I look forward now to the Serenity that will come with this important life journey... Thank you all for your support during this stupid choice in life.. Love you all...

imallright

SS.... smile and do the count down dance! Ann said it all... this happened to give you the opportunity to see that you are making the right decision. If there was any doubt in your mind, hopefully this will let you see you are strong and moving forward.

We have all done it. Let's hope we can all be strong like you and learn from it. Peace, hugs and happiness in your new home and your new life. Go get yourself something pretty for the new place!

Angelic17

That's the best $200 bucks you ever spent in your life. If that's all it cost you to get rid of him, and see him for what he really is, then so be it. At least your moving forward. Don't give in to him anymore. Your good heart wants to believe and that's ok. Live and Learn. We all make mistakes. Now move on, and let it go. What's done is done. You will be wiser in the future. When you know better, you do better.