Accepting what he is (POS) and what he's not (good husband/father)
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Join Date: Feb 2008
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Accepting what he is (POS) and what he's not (good husband/father)
My AH is a drinker, liar and a crack addict or anyother drug for that matter.I am trying to be strong in staying away and letting him handle his own problems. Very hard to do since that's what I've done for the last 18 yrs. Yesterday was payday and since he still owes me money I went to the truckstop he is living at looking to get my $ back and lo and behold where did I find him at - the bar shooting pool and drinking. Last week he went to jail for reckless driving and I went and got the report and he's damn lucky he didn't go for DUI or flip the van and kill himself. Anyway guess why he didn't get the DUI - there was not a highway patrol close enough to the scene to do a DUI investigation so the officer just decided to get him off the road by arresting him. How lucky can he be and when will his luck run out? And why aren't all officers that are on the road certified to do the sobriety tests when you stop someone who is obviously drinking and is a danger on our roads. I told him I was glad noone I loved was on the road with him. The bad thing is he has a CDL license and that's usually how he makes his living. Not anymore he just cleans the bathrooms and showers at the truckstop. Such a fitting job for him right now at this point in his life. Anyway it's just unbelievable that that happened last week and this week he's right back in the bar. I don't care as long as he had my money he owed me that's all I care about!! He will probably lose his CDL in the end from the way he is going.
I still find myself thinkng about him alot but I'm not living in the fantasy anymore, I'm seeing it for what it really was and you guys know what - IT WAS **** and I never want to go back there again with him. I've lived in denial for long enough. I try to remember when I talk to him that he dosen't think like a normal person so i quit expecting him to react or respond like a normal person. He's not and never will be a good person!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
We have a 14 yr. old son and AH dosen't call him much because they have nothing to talk about. Well hell what did you think was gonna happen you idiot!!! Our son is used to him being in and out of his life so son dosen't expect much out of him either. Our son knows he does drugs and is an alcoholic but dosen't know details. Son never has much to say about dad cause he's just not important to him right now. That hurts me to say that but that's the way it is. Sometimes I'll ask son if he wants to call dad a nd see what he's up to and the answer is always no so I leave it at that. One day AH will have realize he created this strained relationship they have.
I'll be glad when I get to the days where he is just a passing thought!!!! I want to be able to love him from afar and let that be enough for me. I still have trouble with not enabling and I'm working on that strongly everyday. What I'm starting to do now is ask myself if I'll resent doing it and if the answer is yes i don't do it. I'm trying to do what I can live with and it's working so far. It's so hard to not get drawn into their daily crap and problems. Anyway I'm just rambling now it just helps sometimes to see it in writing.Thanks and any suggestions or comments are appreciated and welcome.
I still find myself thinkng about him alot but I'm not living in the fantasy anymore, I'm seeing it for what it really was and you guys know what - IT WAS **** and I never want to go back there again with him. I've lived in denial for long enough. I try to remember when I talk to him that he dosen't think like a normal person so i quit expecting him to react or respond like a normal person. He's not and never will be a good person!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
We have a 14 yr. old son and AH dosen't call him much because they have nothing to talk about. Well hell what did you think was gonna happen you idiot!!! Our son is used to him being in and out of his life so son dosen't expect much out of him either. Our son knows he does drugs and is an alcoholic but dosen't know details. Son never has much to say about dad cause he's just not important to him right now. That hurts me to say that but that's the way it is. Sometimes I'll ask son if he wants to call dad a nd see what he's up to and the answer is always no so I leave it at that. One day AH will have realize he created this strained relationship they have.
I'll be glad when I get to the days where he is just a passing thought!!!! I want to be able to love him from afar and let that be enough for me. I still have trouble with not enabling and I'm working on that strongly everyday. What I'm starting to do now is ask myself if I'll resent doing it and if the answer is yes i don't do it. I'm trying to do what I can live with and it's working so far. It's so hard to not get drawn into their daily crap and problems. Anyway I'm just rambling now it just helps sometimes to see it in writing.Thanks and any suggestions or comments are appreciated and welcome.
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Join Date: Feb 2008
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Yea well he just deems to fly under the radar just enough to get by. He'll be caught sooner or later cause his luck has got to run out. I still shocks me that they didn't haul his butt in for DUI especially when in the report the officer actually said he smelled of alcohol and was unsteady on his feet. And believe me when I say ( cause I saw the booking pic) he was tore up from the floor up. Maybe the officer just didn't want to be bothered with it. It seems crazy to me to put police officers on the road who can't administer the sobriety tests. If they can't do the tests how the hell do we get the drunk drivers off the roads.
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Location: Arlington, VA
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Originally Posted by onlyliveonce 
Yes I will be filing for divorce as soon as I file taxes next year. ASAP!!!!
Not that you have to answer but why in the world wait another year if you know you want a divorce? You remain in financial and legal jeopardy as long as you are married.
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I can't file right now because our son has to have a cataract removal surgery and right now his needs are more important than filing for divorce. We have to go out of town for his surgery and I am making sure our needs are taken care of first. We have nothing together or bills in both names or anything like that. No banks, credit cards, nothing. Just married on paper. When I get my taxes back in February of next year, yes 2010, I will file then. I'm not really understanding what I could be responsible for because of his actions. I have seperated myself from him and do not pay his bills or nothing. Please explain.
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Legally, a married couple is a single entity. Doesn't matter that you are living separately, have separate accounts, etc. Therefore if, for example he would be sued for an accident, your assets could also be seized.
It is one of the reasons I made sure I got divorced as soon as legally possible. I didn't want any legal entanglements with an actgive A who could at anytime bring further financial problems my way.
Why would filing for divorce now interfere with getting your son his surgery?
It is one of the reasons I made sure I got divorced as soon as legally possible. I didn't want any legal entanglements with an actgive A who could at anytime bring further financial problems my way.
Why would filing for divorce now interfere with getting your son his surgery?
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Well to file for divorce it would probably be about $500 and that's all the savings I have. When we go to surgery next week our hotel room is $80 a night and that's with the hospital's discount. We also have to eat and buy gas so right now it's more important to me that we be able to do this surgery. If something were to happen I don't have any assets to get. He is driving around now in a van with no insurance and when he goes to jail for it don't call me. I do know a lawyer that would take payments but I've heard he's a drunk.
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Ok this is all worse case scenario but within the realm of possibility if he somehow creates a huge financial liability to which you can be tied. The following are assests you may have that could be taken from you: your wages, your savings, your retirement accounts, any savings for you son's education, your car, your house if you own one.
I understand needing the money immediate for your son. Sounds like a reasonable setting of priorities.
But waiting until a year from now with an active A with your husband's history is risky. There may be lawyers in your area willing to wait for full payment, who will accept a payment plan. You local women's shelter may have resources you can use to either pay for an attorney or point you in the direction of some who will work for less. If your AH would cooperate, there are online sites that walk you thru the paperwork for separation and divorce for minimal fees.
I only suggest thinking in terms of what may be possible rather than what is not possible.
I understand needing the money immediate for your son. Sounds like a reasonable setting of priorities.
But waiting until a year from now with an active A with your husband's history is risky. There may be lawyers in your area willing to wait for full payment, who will accept a payment plan. You local women's shelter may have resources you can use to either pay for an attorney or point you in the direction of some who will work for less. If your AH would cooperate, there are online sites that walk you thru the paperwork for separation and divorce for minimal fees.
I only suggest thinking in terms of what may be possible rather than what is not possible.
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Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: Chicago, IL
Posts: 64
Originally Posted by Barbara52
Ok this is all worse case scenario but within the realm of possibility if he somehow creates a huge financial liability to which you can be tied. The following are assests you may have that could be taken from you: your wages, your savings, your retirement accounts, any savings for you son's education, your car, your house if you own one.
I understand needing the money immediate for your son. Sounds like a reasonable setting of priorities.
But waiting until a year from now with an active A with your husband's history is risky. There may be lawyers in your area willing to wait for full payment, who will accept a payment plan. You local women's shelter may have resources you can use to either pay for an attorney or point you in the direction of some who will work for less. If your AH would cooperate, there are online sites that walk you thru the paperwork for separation and divorce for minimal fees.
I only suggest thinking in terms of what may be possible rather than what is not possible.
I understand needing the money immediate for your son. Sounds like a reasonable setting of priorities.
But waiting until a year from now with an active A with your husband's history is risky. There may be lawyers in your area willing to wait for full payment, who will accept a payment plan. You local women's shelter may have resources you can use to either pay for an attorney or point you in the direction of some who will work for less. If your AH would cooperate, there are online sites that walk you thru the paperwork for separation and divorce for minimal fees.
I only suggest thinking in terms of what may be possible rather than what is not possible.
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