NAH1203

Just looking for some wisdom, support, help in dealing with my mother who is currently in recovery, well, I think, some days I think she is drinking again and others she seems sober. She was a heacy drinker and pill taker all my life, and sobered for 15 years, and then started drinking again in 2002, now here we are in 2009, she has lost everything, job, car, credit, husband, etc. She lives next door to me, so there's no escaping the situation for me, and I am filled with guilt for not helping her. I just wonder if that's part of the package of having an alcoholic parent.

Anna

Hi and Welcome,

I am sorry for your situation.

It might be an idea for you to go to AlAnon to find support for yourself.

There are also forums on this board for Friends and Families.

parentrecovers

nice to meet you, nah1203. my daughter is an alcoholic/addict, so i understand what you feel like. it's hard to let go. hugs, and keep reaching out. k

ANGELINA243

Welcome! Glad you are here. I know that dealing with a loved one/family member with an addiction isn't easy. The disease does in fact affect the entire family--not just the addicted one. I wanted to mention that we have a forum here--Friends and Family of Alcoholics....lots of fine folks there who can relate/been through some similar stuff. You might also want to post there as well....you will lots of responses plus many warm welcomes. Also, have you ever been to an Alanon meeting--that might help too. Those meetings are there to help you. Remember: You didn't cause it, can't control it, can't cure it---your mother's alcoholism. Hang around here awhile. Again, welcome. :ghug3

Mark75

There is nothing you could have done, it was always up to her...

Welcome

Mark

NAH1203

Thank you for your welcomes! I appreciate your words. Sometimes just knowing, obviously I know I am not the only person dealing with these situations, discussing it makes me feel so... not alone. My situation has resulted in my husband hating my mother and he doesn't speak to her, where it just puts me in a pickle, where I want to help and support my mom, but on the other hand, I have to respect my husbands feelings too, at the same time, I have my own feelings towards my mom, lack of trust, anger, etc. She seems to have a way to make me feel like her situation is my problem because I am her daughter...maybe I'll take this to anoter posting area...

Isaiah

Yes, guilt is a symptom faced by everyone who's parent is an alcoholic. You're not alone or weird for having those problems. Nor for being concerned, because just about anyone would find it hard to see a loved one deteriorate.

While I agree with what a lot of people have said, that it's up to the person with the abuse to be willing and ready to make the change themselves. I think it's also important to note that if and when that person does reach that stage, it's invaluable that they have some support from family. Just know that your role comes in step two. The first step rests entirely on your mother.

SR has lots of resources and lots of caring folks here. Welcome and best wishes.

Tazman53

The best support you can give your mom is to be there when she asks for help. The worst thing you can do for her is to enable her which is very hard to not do for someone you love. Alanon can help with this as well as the folks in Friends & Family here. Take care of your self, she has to want it and sadly there is little any one except her can do to make her want it.

Missymae737

Hi,

Welcome to SR,

Great advise above...