anonchick

To not be able to look in the mirror? should I constantly be called awful names and ignored when trying to reach out to someone? I thought my taking this on proves I care and want to be a better person. I didn't know I'd keep getting mean voicemails, texts, etc.

I can't handle this. I just want to curl up in a ball and cry. But I can't I must work and care for my mom and my kids.

I hate what I've become

bstt03

Hi Anon - I read your previous post in regards to your boyfriends daughter not wanting anything to do with you and I am assuming this is in regards to that situation? Sounds like there is a lot of fear and anger coming from her, which we can only hope in time disappears. I think right now you need to focus on not drinking anymore and proving to everyone you can change. I hear ya on that hating yourself part, but as you gain time sober and gain the trust of your loved ones back, I think that will change. And hey, if you need to cry, WELL THEN CRY! get it out if you have to.

You have this website here and all the people here care about you. Be strong and move forward. Show them you can do it!

Anna

Hi,

I know it's hard, but one thing I learned in early recovery, is that I could not control how other people thought or felt. I could only take care of myself. So, just focus on your recovery and you'll get through this.

anonchick

Thank you. It's times like these that make me want to drink to forget, but as my daddy says, the problem is still there. Please be patient with me and my whining. I'm so down today.

flutter

I think if you make the best decisions for you, and your family.. over time you'll find how much you do love yourself. We ARE often defined by our actions.. you have an opportunity now to turn things around. I couldn't find the love for myself to change.. I had to reach out and find it in the people I loved, that had more hope in me than I did myself. In time, I convinced myself I was worth it too, and now that's been what keeps me sober. ME! Little ol me, that I didn't give 2 sh*ts about 6 months ago. You'll find that girl inside you that you'll want to take care of again.. try as hard as you can.

Tommyh

that is normal as far as my experience goes
I used to look in the mirror and hated what was looking back at me.I was full of shame and guilt about my life,present and past.The 12 steps of AA helped me there,and as I did them,the shame and guilt was removed and I found peace and some unconditional love,some of it was even for me.

least

You can't control anyone else's thoughts or actions, no matter how hateful or hurtful they may be. You can only control yourself and your actions. Take good care of yourself. Stay sober and do the next right thing, the rest will fall into place, later if not sooner.:ghug3

adore79

Its normal, but it doesnt last forever. Being a alcoholic/user is normal only for an alcoholic or user and early recovery is full of unpleasant times and is hard but you will get through this. You are pulling yourself up and going to work, that alone is a big step. Keep going, it does get better.