When do you think you should allow a addict back?
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: Ottawa,Ontario
Posts: 55
When do you think you should allow a addict back?
My addicted husband is gone,it has been 4 months.He is Now saying he will talk to the Doctor about other pain relief for his neck injury.I want to trust him,not sure if I should.I want to take care of our children and me But when do I know I should allow him back or is there any hope ever for the addict? I quit my drinking going on 13 years and so did he,but now he is into pot.He says that s all he is into anyway..but he can blow alot of money in no time .Then he gets mad at me for buying things for the house without "asking" him first.So he feels he should not have to ask me either.How to allow a addict back ..when.In 6 months after they have started the program or when it "feels' right.:praying
Member
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: Kansas
Posts: 10,182
My oldest AD would have to have at minimum 2 solid, continuous years of being clean/sober and working one heck of a recovery program before I would even consider a smidgeon of trust.
As far as ever coming back into my home to live? Never.
As far as ever coming back into my home to live? Never.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Seattle, WA
Posts: 3,335
Ditto to what freedom said. Is his lifestyle acceptable exactly the way it is? Or are you waiting for him to change some more?
I suggest taking your life one day at a time and not not worry about what your husbands life choices will be 6 months from now. Prepare for the worst but hope for the best and live in the now are the best pieces of advice I ever received when dealing with an addict.
PS. It doesn't sound like he's in recovery to me. He's only talking about talking to a doctor about it. That's not recovery. That's quacking.
I suggest taking your life one day at a time and not not worry about what your husbands life choices will be 6 months from now. Prepare for the worst but hope for the best and live in the now are the best pieces of advice I ever received when dealing with an addict.
PS. It doesn't sound like he's in recovery to me. He's only talking about talking to a doctor about it. That's not recovery. That's quacking.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2006
Location: Colorado Springs, CO
Posts: 2,391
What they said.
My husband knows he can ask for a drug test on me at any time. I've never given him a reason to ask though. I want to be a Mom more than I want to take any drug or drink anything and that I can't live here if I'm doing either.
He's quacking.
My husband knows he can ask for a drug test on me at any time. I've never given him a reason to ask though. I want to be a Mom more than I want to take any drug or drink anything and that I can't live here if I'm doing either.
He's quacking.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: md
Posts: 3,042
yeah, certainly not now, Katie, certainly not now. He's still using. Addicts can't use ANY drugs, not even alcohol. Not even pot. That's the way back into addiction. You need to start going to Alanon or Naranon, IMO. It takes years, not months, for recovery to really change us. I'm a year into it, and I'm nowhere near ready to start dating again!
Love,
KJ
Love,
KJ
Member
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: on the road
Posts: 110
I agree that you should trust your instincts. As far as time goes, it really depends on the situation. I came to a point when I said I would never let my daughter come back home. But that was "under the current conditions". When she made some major changes in her life, it allowed me to rethink my position. She turned her life around, and I did let her come home. As time went on trust grew as she earned it. This June it will be two years... and she remains strong in her recovery. I must say it came when I didn't expect it.... after around 5 years of struggling.
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
