anonchick

My boyfriend gave me 2 xanax 2 help with the shakes when he left Sunday morning. I took one and went to go downstairs and clean. He had left an unopened 6 pack in my room. Guess what? Yep. Not only did I drink that six pack I also took the other xanax. I forgot to pick up my daughter from church because I was so messed up and passed out. My son came home and cared for me, my daddy went and got my daughter. She spent the night with him. My boyfriend's 18 year old daughter just informed me she wants no contact with me and I raised this girl 3 years when her mother was never around to see her or her younger brother. So, I messed up.

Anna

Hi Anonchick,

I am sorry that you went through that. It must be hard to deal with the emotions you are feeling.

I think the best thing you can do, is to show your family with your actions, that you are changing your life.

anonchick

I really am getting it bad from all areas. I don't understand why his daughter is being so unforgiving. It really hurts and just makes me want to drink, but I can't.

Anna

The thing is, you have no control over whether or not your daughter forgives you.

It's not up to you. It's up to her.

All you can do it to take care of yourself.

grateful2b

I am sorry about your bf's daughter, Anon.......Stay strong....and as Anna suggests, show your family by your actions..
you are powerless over what they think...change what you can change....your life...and start by forgiving yourself for relapsing and get back to your recovery(((hugs)))

Freedom1990

I don't know your history, but it took a long time for the people closest to me to forgive me.

I also realized later on that under their anger was often fear, fear that I was going to die if I didn't make changes in my life.

It tooks years in recovery for me to even start seeing some semblance of forgiveness from family members, and rightly so. I had brought nothing but pain and chaos into their lives for a long time.

least

Forgive yourself, learn from your mistake, and start moving forward again. It can be done, I'm proof of that as I was a chronic relapser for months before I finally 'got it right'.

flutter

Unfortunately you're learning very first hand how the decisions we make about drinking/addiction can effect our lives and relationships. I hope this might be a wake up call for you, and that you make better choices soon.

123bubblegum123

Take this sunday as a sign of your progression: losing loved ones and damaging relationships due to your addiction.

I would suggest going to a face to face meeting, if you are serious about wanting to quit, and really looking for a sponsor who could take you through the steps.

aasharon90

Trust and honesty is an important part of
recovery. We continue to let our friends
and family down each time we say we will
never drink or drug again. We r powerless
over that first drink or drug, right? And every-
thing in our life becomes unmanageable.

Trust and honesty has to be earned. We've
hurt so many people in our lives that r close
to us that it will take time for them to gain
our trust again.

By staying clean and sober. By changing our
old habits to healthier ones. By being responsible
in our words and action.

In recovery its not about just talking the talk
of recovery but is about walking the walk of
recovery.

We have 12 steps to live by one day at a time
that will guide us each day learning to live
in a more happy joyous way of life free from the
obsession to drink or drug.

Once family sees an improvement in our actions
then they will eventually come around.

It's not guaranteed or written in stone but
miracles do happen.....

And staying clean and sober one day at a time
is a wonderful awesome miracle in which for me
im extremely grateful for.

Thanks for letting me share.

anonchick

Thank you guys a lot. Thing that bothers me most about her is that she knows how I got this way and that her daddy caused a lot of my bad decisions--no he didn't hold me down and make me drink, but he did keep bringing it around knowing I was trying to quit. He also did a lot of very hurtful things to me in our relationship that made me do stupid things and try to numb my pain with alcohol. She's 18--you'd think she'd be more understanding as I was good to her--at time better to her than my own kids.

It really hurts me. It really does.

Freedom1990

One of the most important things in my recovery was to finally take an honest look at what part I played in my own downfall, and take my eyes off of others.

I've been through things in sobriety that would drive a normie to drink! Bottom line is I did not pick up and drink over it. I'm responsible for my actions, and no one else.

vegibean

I can understand how others affect us, however I agree with Freedom, we really have to focus on "us", our part and what we can do to repair/amend.

I struggled a lot with that in the beginning. I can't say that I've had the greatest life. I DO NOT talk to my mother right now and it's because she displaces the things she's done. I can't do it any more. I choose not to, she chooses to stay the same. I have to continue to walk my path.

I have done some of the same things to my kids that I have been angry at my mother for. That was some hard stuff to look at and swallow. If this girl was abandoned by her own mother, I'm sure that is a defense for her so she is not "abandoned" again.

It's not always about us. For me, this would be a great time for me to meditate or pray. I hope that you find what you need in this. :ghug3

Freedom1990

Boy howdy, you can count me in on that club too. That was hard stuff to look at and swallow!

Isn't it great that once we recognize it, then we can take measures to change that sort of behavior?!

coffeenut

This isn't about her. It's about you.

Getting sober will put so many things in perspective. You have a LOT of good advice in this thread. A lot.

Welcome to SR. I hope you'll stick around and post.

SelfSeeking

If she wasn't angry and protecting herself from further hurt by refusing to have contact with you, I'm guessing you would still want to drink. You sound like you're an alcoholic and that's what we want to do, first and foremost.

Don't try to put that guilt on her. Sorry if that sounds harsh but... I feel for that girl. Your son too. They are having to parent their parent.

anonchick

selfseeking~~She is not my daughter, she's my boyfriend's. As for my son and daughter, they are not having to parent me--my son was there when I slipped up, that's all. I take care of my kids and yes, I am on my way to being an alcoholic, but am stopping before that happens.

Her not wanting contact with me is based on what has been said about me to her as I'm rarely around her. I'm getting help and trying hard at this. I'm gonna do it, too.

SelfSeeking

You said that you "raised that girl for 3 years". It's like you are claiming that because of that parenting, she should be extra forgiving. On the other hand, she's not your daughter so you have no responsibility towards her.

When we tell our loved ones we have stopped using, and then we do, we have lied to them. We betrayed their trust. They have a right to be angry. I've been there too, when I relapsed I called my SO making suicidal statements. That was extremely scary for him and it took months for us to get beyond it. That sucked but brushing it under the rug might have made it easier to slip up again. Now it's in my arsenal of things to remind myself of when I am tempted to drink.

Tazman53

Might I suggest seeing a doctor and telling the truth about your drinking, xanax is a prescribed drug and using drugs to fight alcoholism is like fightiing a fire with gasoline. If you had the shakes then that is a good sign that you are furth enough into the disease that you are physically dependant upon alcohol.

Detoxing from alcohol kills!!! The shakes are just the early phases of withdrawals form alcohol. See a doctor before either the detox kills you or mixing drugs and alcohol does.

I think you may want to take the test provided here, if you take it honestly and do not poopoo the results you may see that this statement:

may not be entirely accurate. It takes a lot of long term drinking to get the shakes when not drinking.

I had to be totally honest with myself about me being an alcoholic, if I had not been I may be dead now instead of typing this.

Freedom1990

Do you have a plan in place to prevent this from happening again? I know when I relapsed, I had to take an honest look at what led up to it. I didn't care to repeat that mistake again.