sadie30

As some of you are aware my partner put me through a very hard time with his heroin addciction, he finally sought help after me kicking him out and is now on methadone, he has done really well so far and i let him come home, the thing that scares me is the he is now talking of coming of the methadone cold turkey, he is on 50mls...

Thats not why i need help though, its me thats is the problem, i have learnt always to expect the worse from him, i speak to him like **** and i am alaways getting no at him, i know iam doing it but icant help myself, i am so angry all the time, i keep thinkning to how life was before his problems to how it is now, he is not the man i met and fell in love with anymore, i do love him but why do i feel so angry at him all the time,,,

Another question too.. since he has been on methadone he has not been able to et an erection, i know sex is not the ed all and be all of a realtionship but we are not close at all in any way and i miss that with him, we used to have a great time together and not anymore, it upsets me and i know it does for him too,

I just dont understand why icant get on with him the waqy we used to geton, life is pretty **** just now, how can i make it better between us or has the addiction finally finished us once and for all

Freedom1990

Do you have Alanon available where you live?

Addiction affects everyone in the circle of the addict, and as you are realizing now, there are so many unresolved feelings that you have.

Alanon was a real lifesaver for me, and by working through the 12 steps, I was able to release the old feelings/attitudes that continued to keep me sick.

:ghug :ghug

sadie30

no i dont, i am in scotland and there is not much help out there, i just cant help but feel angry at what we used to have and what we have lost and given up through it... i sometimes wonder why i let him move back in, when he was not home i was so unhappy and wanted him back now he is here i just rip into him all the time, it gets him down becasue of the things i come away with, i cringe myself b ut once i start i cannot stop ot, it si horrible and i feel bad, we figt over the sillest of things and we just cannot get on at all.... it is okay for one day but then the next 3 or 4 are just horrible, and as in my first post we are not close in any other ways either now... i just want things fixed so we can move on but i odnt know how to do it,

Freedom1990

See if you can't get your hands on the book "Codependent No More" by Melody Beattie. Keep posting here, hon. I'm rather at a loss as to any other suggestions. :ghug :ghug

sadie30

thnkas petal, just having someone to vent to is good, takes the pressure off of him , i am giving him such ahard time at the min, i blame him for everything, even if he had nothing to do with it, i just cant understand whyh iam like this, i never used to be this sort of person, one is angry all the time and see red at the slightest thing, i am okay when with friends and stuff but him, he makes my blood boil at times, i also keep threating to kick him out on a daily basis, if he does something or says something i threaten to kick him out, poor man does not weather he is soming or going, i will end up making him ill

bluejay6

hi sadie,
it sounds like you are having a really rough time emotionally. we always think sobriety will calm things down, don't we? we swallow so much anger while we are with them in the using days, rescue and make up and explode and rescue and make up all over again....the merry go round.

i just think some of us are so ANGRY that we have put up with so much sh** and we want to be nurtured and loved and comforted and paid attention to FINALLY by the man we love who left us for the drugs (left us emotionally at least, if not physically). we are STARVING for affection and intimacy. you are starving and it is making you lose it, maybe. losing your center and sanity.

i am a big believer in emotional distance when an addict is in the first two years of recovery, and living separately if possible. i think the disease is still so strong, trying to make a comeback, and one of the cunning ways it works that out is to create as much emotional chaos in the household as it possibly can.

so if there's no al-anon there, then you are on the right track by reading here every day, posting whenever you need to, and you need to find some way to stop expecting a STILL SICK MAN to be a full partner to you. for me, that would mean living apart and staying in touch but not entwined. i know....we are always scared to death we will lose them if we are not WITH them. and in that fear, we have to say "God's will be done" and let go trying to control the fate of the relationship.

sadie, just don't isolate. you'll just simmer and keep exploding. and if you can, exercise like crazy. and the sex thing....well, so much more is at stake. like both of you surviving.

so sorry for your unhappiness. things will work their way out. do be kind to yourself.