Update after our move
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2008
Location: Toronto, Canada
Posts: 390
Update after our move
Hi all, I had posted a while ago about going back to our former city to pack up and move our house, and seeing our friends while we were there. I decided not to make any plans to have any get-togethers and we also didn't have a lot of time; 3 days to pack and I also had an exam to study and write while there.
AH admitted to me that being back in and of itself was a trigger - the weather was nice and sunny, we were working on the house, and he said the craving to have a drink was strong. But he resisted. I told him that he could go to a meeting or call one of his AA guys, but he didn't. One afternoon a friend called to come by; a previously heavy partier. He'd been diagnosed with fatty liver and told he couldn't drink anymore or could risk death. I let it go, and in fact he came and talked about things - still took the occasional wine with dinner but did stop, and stopped drugs too. Said he felt much better and 'life' wasn't so bad without. He only stayed an hour then was gone.
The biggest issue strangely was with his dad instead of friends. His dad is a functional and very quiet A (goes to bed at 10pm, very goody two shoes, but drinks half a bottle of wine with dinner and usually a scotch before bed). His folks came over to help, then offered to bring in takeout. His dad asked that they stop by the liquor store on the way back for a bottle of wine. I immediately got my back up and was very worried about what would happen. When they got home they had a bottle of wine, and a bag of what could only be beer. When I was upstairs putting the baby to bed, I heard the familiar fizz of the can opening. When I came down, his dad had a beer, and AH had a sprite. He told me next day that he'd told his dad he quit drinking, and that his dad simply said 'oh'. He felt like it was almost disappointing to his dad, but possibly because over the holidays when he told his parents he had a problem, his dad said 'it's because of me'. So maybe he felt guilty and didn't know what to say. Was kind of crappy, instead of being supportive.
So AH did not drink at all, and there was even one can of his favourite beer left over in the fridge from his dad. I am very proud of him and told him so. He still said he hopes one day to be a social drinker, but understands it isn't possible right now. I left that one alone, he'll (hopefully) come to grips with that in his own way.
So when we got there, he asked what the sleeping arrangement was going to be, since we've been sleeping in separate rooms. I said we could both stay in our bedroom. Last night, move over and back home, I said we could take the master bedroom together. In my mind, this move was going to be my 'test' of whether I was going to ask him back into the bedroom, and he passed.
So I don't know what our future holds, but he handled things like a champ, and he also agreed to couples counseling. We decided against therapy for now because of the expense, but I went to an al anon day a few weeks back and there is a couples meeting locally that some members said helped them immensely. So I will do individual counseling and we'll do the couples thing and see how it goes. Wanted to share at least this positive story with others; positive for today at least.
AH admitted to me that being back in and of itself was a trigger - the weather was nice and sunny, we were working on the house, and he said the craving to have a drink was strong. But he resisted. I told him that he could go to a meeting or call one of his AA guys, but he didn't. One afternoon a friend called to come by; a previously heavy partier. He'd been diagnosed with fatty liver and told he couldn't drink anymore or could risk death. I let it go, and in fact he came and talked about things - still took the occasional wine with dinner but did stop, and stopped drugs too. Said he felt much better and 'life' wasn't so bad without. He only stayed an hour then was gone.
The biggest issue strangely was with his dad instead of friends. His dad is a functional and very quiet A (goes to bed at 10pm, very goody two shoes, but drinks half a bottle of wine with dinner and usually a scotch before bed). His folks came over to help, then offered to bring in takeout. His dad asked that they stop by the liquor store on the way back for a bottle of wine. I immediately got my back up and was very worried about what would happen. When they got home they had a bottle of wine, and a bag of what could only be beer. When I was upstairs putting the baby to bed, I heard the familiar fizz of the can opening. When I came down, his dad had a beer, and AH had a sprite. He told me next day that he'd told his dad he quit drinking, and that his dad simply said 'oh'. He felt like it was almost disappointing to his dad, but possibly because over the holidays when he told his parents he had a problem, his dad said 'it's because of me'. So maybe he felt guilty and didn't know what to say. Was kind of crappy, instead of being supportive.
So AH did not drink at all, and there was even one can of his favourite beer left over in the fridge from his dad. I am very proud of him and told him so. He still said he hopes one day to be a social drinker, but understands it isn't possible right now. I left that one alone, he'll (hopefully) come to grips with that in his own way.
So when we got there, he asked what the sleeping arrangement was going to be, since we've been sleeping in separate rooms. I said we could both stay in our bedroom. Last night, move over and back home, I said we could take the master bedroom together. In my mind, this move was going to be my 'test' of whether I was going to ask him back into the bedroom, and he passed.
So I don't know what our future holds, but he handled things like a champ, and he also agreed to couples counseling. We decided against therapy for now because of the expense, but I went to an al anon day a few weeks back and there is a couples meeting locally that some members said helped them immensely. So I will do individual counseling and we'll do the couples thing and see how it goes. Wanted to share at least this positive story with others; positive for today at least.
Yield beautiful changes
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: A home filled with love
Posts: 1,696
I am so glad that you are feeling peaceful and optimistic.
People DO recover. Everyday.
It's wonderful that for today, you and your husband are both choosing recovery.
Best wishes and thanks for sharing!
-TC
People DO recover. Everyday.
It's wonderful that for today, you and your husband are both choosing recovery.
Best wishes and thanks for sharing!
-TC
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
