Kat67

I feel really stuck in between two worlds right now. It's so frustrating cause I know what I have to do but I feel stuck. I tell myself that this shouldn't be a science project but it sure feels like it. I want to so bad to have sobriety but I seem to get pulled into the other side, my ex boyfriend, hes like an addiction that I just can't say no to. We used to get trashed every day together for a long time. We have been sober for five days now but I'm finding it hard to concentrate. It makes me so sad that we can't do this together cause I know hes going to pick up again. I just want to be happy but knowing that you have to work for it sucks lol I do this every time I try to get sober for awhile and then get scared of the work. I know I keep agonizing over this but I'm really struggling with it. I don't want to settle for just less but sometimes I feel like that's all I deserve. It's hard to not want to feel sorry for my self and be lazy. I'm still going to meetings as much as I can and still thinking about a sponsor.

coffeenut

For this moment, take care of you and only you. Breathe....

Welcome to SR.

Sara9009

Congrats on day 5. For myself, I was only able to stay sober once I knew that I was doing this 100% for myself. That meant if anyone was in the way of achieving or maintaing my sobriety they were no longer a part of my life. I have found without my sobriety I don't have anything. I hope you find some peace with your ex. Sometimes the hardest thing to do is to put ourselves first and that is really what we need to do when it comes to being sober.

Kat67

I got rid of all my friends who use, even my boyfriend. Till five days ago I started to miss him and I was lonely. I'm pretty sure there is a little bit more of unfinished business, but I sure hope it doesn't take much longer. I'm afraid of being alone.

Missymae737

Hi Kat,

I know what it feels like to be torn apart with your emotions as well as everyone here.

This serious business and you must think as just that...Your sobriety must come first no matter what...You must put yourself first...

You do deserve a good life, but you won't have it being under the influence..

Thinking of you...

four812

hi kat

awesome share. that's the brutal honesty that gives me a lift. it gives me inspiration to keep recoverying. inspiration to be a better person. the inspiration to do more than just be sober, but to literally believe in myself and the universe and that i can follow my dreams.

thanks

Maggot4Life

Hi Kat, good luck on your sobriety journey. You can achieve any dream that you desire, just gotta commit to it and take daily action and drink will mess that up for sure. Stay strong

Anna

Kat,

You're doing great and you're moving forward, that's terrific!

I used to be afraid of being alone too, Kat. Surprisingly, after I began recovery, I began to totally cherish the time I have alone with myself. I think I didn't like myself at all, and I never wanted to spend any time with me, but thankfully that has changed.

I agree that recovery takes work, but I don't see that as a negative thing. I spend time here at SR every day and I love connecting with people here. I get exercise, usually a long walk, some weights, that's it. I also spend some quiet time with myself. Those things really help me.

Tazman53

Kat take some action, ask some one to be your "Temporary" sponsor, that is far easier to do, no solid committment, but still a commitment of sorts. Goint to meetings and not drinking inbetween is crucial. Nothing in life worth having comes free, sobriety just does not drop out of the sky into ones lap, it does take work, drinking is easy, buy some booze and drink it! Is that worth having? Nope, it take no effort, any one can buy some bozze and get drunk!


Me too!!!! Yet alcohol took me to spending 5 years in my garage drinking alone, you see the booze eventually drove a wedge inbetween me and every single person I knew & cared about, the only people that want anything to do with a drunk is another drunk.

I found people who understood me in the meetings, people I could call any time of the day or the night if I needed some help. People who cared about me, people who knew how to stay sober and found joy in sharing with me how they did it.

In early sobriety the main focus I found had to be on me and staying sober, what was really cool was as I got better I found that the best way for me to stay sober was in helping others. You see my being sober allows me to help others stay sober, get sober and to live life, when I was drinking I was of no help to any one including myself.

Aysha

I get lonely too. But there is no way in the world I could put my all into any type of a relationship right now. It wouldnt be fair to me or the other person.
And the work..Well..Thats just a part of it. No way around it.
It really just boils down to how bad do you want to be sober?
Do you really want to live in drink sick relationship?
I know you can do it Kat. You can get 5 days now. You can go as far as you want to go.
I think this relationship is a huge distraction.
You need to focus on yourself.
If you dont care enough about yourself. How can anyone else?
Keep up the sober time. YOU CAN DO IT!!