The News from Lake-Woe-No-More
mle-sober
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: Golden, CO
Posts: 1,243
The News from Lake-Woe-No-More
Well, as many of you know I am bipolar. This past week, the depression demon that haunts my brain got a good foothold and wouldn't let go.
Mostly, I think it was due to the continued struggle with severe short term memory disability. We are investigating it and don't know what causes it. It's humiliating to live with. It's an invisible disability that suceeds in making me appear really stupid.
At any rate, I was hospitalized in the pysch unit for 5 days. Meds got changed and I feel a distinct improvement.
Here's the best news of all and the reason I am posting: I didn't drink!!! I was suicidal and was like a beaten puppy, (as someone else described me).
I was sooooooo happy to know that even in that state, I had the strength to not drink. I thought about it. But I knew without a shadow of a doubt that drinking would only cement my downward plunge. I "thought through" the drink and could see where it lead. And although I was feeling horrible, I wanted to make the right decisions for my children.
I was also very proud to be able to bring my labwork back home to show my husband who I knew would be very certain that I had used or drank. There was no denying the labwork.
I also felt proud to give the webaddress for this site to several people on the unit who were also alcoholics or addicts and who I respected immensely in their struggles against bipolar or schizaphrenia.
So - that's the news from Lake Woe-no-more! Thanks for being here and thanks for inspiring me in my time of need. Even when you didn't know it, you were offering me strength and solace.
Love, mle
Mostly, I think it was due to the continued struggle with severe short term memory disability. We are investigating it and don't know what causes it. It's humiliating to live with. It's an invisible disability that suceeds in making me appear really stupid.
At any rate, I was hospitalized in the pysch unit for 5 days. Meds got changed and I feel a distinct improvement.
Here's the best news of all and the reason I am posting: I didn't drink!!! I was suicidal and was like a beaten puppy, (as someone else described me).
I was sooooooo happy to know that even in that state, I had the strength to not drink. I thought about it. But I knew without a shadow of a doubt that drinking would only cement my downward plunge. I "thought through" the drink and could see where it lead. And although I was feeling horrible, I wanted to make the right decisions for my children.
I was also very proud to be able to bring my labwork back home to show my husband who I knew would be very certain that I had used or drank. There was no denying the labwork.
I also felt proud to give the webaddress for this site to several people on the unit who were also alcoholics or addicts and who I respected immensely in their struggles against bipolar or schizaphrenia.
So - that's the news from Lake Woe-no-more! Thanks for being here and thanks for inspiring me in my time of need. Even when you didn't know it, you were offering me strength and solace.
Love, mle
6/20/08
Join Date: Sep 2008
Posts: 4,467
How cool is that! It just reaffirms that the changes you have made in your life are real. They are changes that are making the 'new' you strong and healthy.
So glad you posted this mle...you always have such inspiring things to say.
So glad you posted this mle...you always have such inspiring things to say.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,439
Sorry I was late to this mle.
What struck me most about your post was not that you had problems and you triumphed over them - that goes without saying with what I know of you.
But I was saddened by the fact that you had to bring the labwork home to show your husband and set his mind at rest. I had to read it twice to make sure what I read was what I read.
I don't know any of the details of your marriage or your history - apart from what you've shared with us over a year or so - but I know the calibre of your character and...it's good
We all did damage when we were active in our addictions - but if we're genuine and sincere in our actions in recovery, there must surely come a time when amends are made in full.
I hope your husband comes to see you and know you as we all know you - and soon.
The simple fact that this did not at all spoil your victory speaks volumes for your character to me, mle
More power to you, my friend.
D
What struck me most about your post was not that you had problems and you triumphed over them - that goes without saying with what I know of you.
But I was saddened by the fact that you had to bring the labwork home to show your husband and set his mind at rest. I had to read it twice to make sure what I read was what I read.
I don't know any of the details of your marriage or your history - apart from what you've shared with us over a year or so - but I know the calibre of your character and...it's good
We all did damage when we were active in our addictions - but if we're genuine and sincere in our actions in recovery, there must surely come a time when amends are made in full.
I hope your husband comes to see you and know you as we all know you - and soon.
The simple fact that this did not at all spoil your victory speaks volumes for your character to me, mle
More power to you, my friend.
D
Member
Join Date: Apr 2008
Location: massachusetts
Posts: 2,216
DittoDittoDittoDitto to what everyone said Mle, especially Dee! Everytime I think you have filled up your inspiration quota, you do it again and come through as the shining star that you are. You seem SO grounded to me that I would have been surprised HAD you drank (I have more faith in you than you?...no surprise, we're alcoholics after all).
I am sorry that you had to go through this, and glad that you got your meds changed. We never know when life is going to throw us a curve ball and must be solidly planted in ourselves in order to cope. You lead by example, Mle, and that's the truth.
I am sorry that you had to go through this, and glad that you got your meds changed. We never know when life is going to throw us a curve ball and must be solidly planted in ourselves in order to cope. You lead by example, Mle, and that's the truth.
Follow Directions!
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: Fredericksburg, Va.
Posts: 9,730
MLE hold your head high, you weathered the storm, you stayed sober while standing at the gates of hell!!!
MLE I do not know your full story, but if it is similar to mine and something like that happened to me I would not be suprised at all if my wife even after me being sober for over 2 1/2 years would not suspect that I had slipped. I put her through years of lies, I would not be suprised if my sobriety is still not one day at a time in her mind.
MLE I do not know your full story, but if it is similar to mine and something like that happened to me I would not be suprised at all if my wife even after me being sober for over 2 1/2 years would not suspect that I had slipped. I put her through years of lies, I would not be suprised if my sobriety is still not one day at a time in her mind.
mle-sober
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: Golden, CO
Posts: 1,243
Oh thank you my friends. I feel cared for. Thank you. It is strange to say that my SR friends are my best friends. But you are. I feel seen.
I don't know what to say about my husband other than that I know he does the best he can. I truly do not like the level of distrust that he has. (The night I got home from the hospital, I was getting ready for a theraputic bath. I had brought music into the bathrooom and I was running the water when my husband slammed in and started doing a systematic search of all areas of the bathroom - under the cupboards, behind everything, etc - looking for alcohol, I guess. I felt so sad.
But then, I also understood. He has to live every day not knowing if I am going to relapse. I know that relapse is not an option for me. I don't have that question floating dangerously in front of me like he does. I lied to him and tricked him for 9 months about my drinking. His trust is probably permanently damaged by that.
Come to think of it, my trust is permantently damaged by his few acts of violence against me. Although he may feel like that will never happen again, I am very aware that it could. So, I guess that's how I understand it.
I think it must be very hard to live with someone who is mentally ill and who is an alcoholic. I am always surprised that he sticks around at all.
Thank you for recognizing my efforts and successes!!!! And again, you have no idea what a source of strength you were while I was in the hospital. I "heard" your voices (no not really "heard!! - just a little mental illness humor there!) and your encouragement and your supportive ideas of thoughts the whole time.
Thank you.
I don't know what to say about my husband other than that I know he does the best he can. I truly do not like the level of distrust that he has. (The night I got home from the hospital, I was getting ready for a theraputic bath. I had brought music into the bathrooom and I was running the water when my husband slammed in and started doing a systematic search of all areas of the bathroom - under the cupboards, behind everything, etc - looking for alcohol, I guess. I felt so sad.
But then, I also understood. He has to live every day not knowing if I am going to relapse. I know that relapse is not an option for me. I don't have that question floating dangerously in front of me like he does. I lied to him and tricked him for 9 months about my drinking. His trust is probably permanently damaged by that.
Come to think of it, my trust is permantently damaged by his few acts of violence against me. Although he may feel like that will never happen again, I am very aware that it could. So, I guess that's how I understand it.
I think it must be very hard to live with someone who is mentally ill and who is an alcoholic. I am always surprised that he sticks around at all.
Thank you for recognizing my efforts and successes!!!! And again, you have no idea what a source of strength you were while I was in the hospital. I "heard" your voices (no not really "heard!! - just a little mental illness humor there!) and your encouragement and your supportive ideas of thoughts the whole time.
Thank you.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Hicktown, PA
Posts: 1,479
Hey MLE - Sorry to come in late, but I wanted to add how proud I am of you and glad to hear that the meds. change is helping. You did an amazing job seeing your troubles through sober, and that is a real achievement! You are always a voice of wisdom around here, thanks for sharing your victory with us! Jomey
Member
Join Date: Dec 2008
Location: uk
Posts: 2,548
good to hear your feeling better mle.....
dee said everthing perfectly for me..
Marriage problems are tough in recovery.......and repairing all that "stuff"..
Im lucky to have alison.......i know that......god gave her a level of forgiveness that i only wish i could mirror with others.
I truly hope you guys find the answers and work through it...
god be with you both..............trucker
dee said everthing perfectly for me..
Marriage problems are tough in recovery.......and repairing all that "stuff"..
Im lucky to have alison.......i know that......god gave her a level of forgiveness that i only wish i could mirror with others.
I truly hope you guys find the answers and work through it...
god be with you both..............trucker
It`s ok to stay sober
Join Date: Mar 2003
Location: Central NC
Posts: 20,902
mle
glad you are better and as always ,I love to read your posts.I hope you keep coming back and posting because you and others here add so much to my life.Thank you for being here
glad you are better and as always ,I love to read your posts.I hope you keep coming back and posting because you and others here add so much to my life.Thank you for being here
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
