Hello everyone. I am new here )
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: Sacramento
Posts: 11
Hello everyone. I am new here )
Hello everyone, I am new here and am looking forward to talking to many people, gaining help, and giving help.
I thought I hit bottom a bit ago with an arrest after my wife and I got into it...apparently not.
Currently, I am not Sober, 3 weeks later.
I have no defense, and make no arguments as to what happened the night i was hauled off and put in the drunk tank for the first time in my life, and honestly, I don't remember any of it, any of the courses of my action that led me here...I blacked out.....I had bottomed....until I got out.
As I write this I realize this is a rather long story, please bear with me, Ill shorten it =))....
Most recently I have been in marriage counseling with my wife (failed imo, I chewed our counselor out after she engaged me instead of listening) and have visited several local AA meetings until one fateful night that I came to conclude that it was....IMO...a "church group".
While I don't have any issue with anyone who goes to church, I personally am not one that is willing to be taught how to think and as such, church is not my way to go. I am a free thinker, more along the lines of budhism, spiritualism and overall whatever I want my religion to be. Going into AA, I had a set mindset as to what it was, and never realized that 6 / 12 steps involved god, and with my beliefs it just didn't work together. Needless to say when our marriage counselor engaged me on this fact, her and I got into it, and I left our session, never to return again. We continue to find another one.
I since have scheduled a meeting with an outpatient service for an "assessment" next week.
I begin the detox segment at least 3x a week as I try to pass through. I have detoxed by my self alone 5 times before (before ever realizing I was detoxing as it coincided with a 'biggest losser' contest at work and I attributed the symptoms to lack of calories....a mistake that earned me the nickname 'twitch' to which I couldn't explain at the time, but know better now.
My last attempt to stop was a 3 day stretch...Thur, Fri, Sat. by Saturday I couldn't drive, and with my wife 9 month's pregnant, she felt she couldn't drive and I pulled into a safeway and bought some bananas, and two 24oz beers, which I guzzled promptly when I got home w/o her knowledge, because as I thought it....she cannot drive, and I can drive much better w/o detox going on and the usual "oh I can stop anytime gig"...which I have several times in the past year, and come out on the other side fine, not realizing then it was a detox period. To me at this point my brain says I can stop...and drops the craving....but my body says ...oh no you don't!!! In the past, my mind has won out, but now my physical ailments has suffered my brain, and I continue on with a little bit.
Sorry all for the longness...apparetnly I have a lot to say, and a lot of ground to cover. If you have any questions, I feel comfortable here...as opposed to some AA meeting I have frequented over the last 2 months. I will try and post a daily update, as I am already feeling it's benefits...but where do I post it?
=me )) Thanks for reading my novel )))
I thought I hit bottom a bit ago with an arrest after my wife and I got into it...apparently not.
Currently, I am not Sober, 3 weeks later.
I have no defense, and make no arguments as to what happened the night i was hauled off and put in the drunk tank for the first time in my life, and honestly, I don't remember any of it, any of the courses of my action that led me here...I blacked out.....I had bottomed....until I got out.
As I write this I realize this is a rather long story, please bear with me, Ill shorten it =))....
Most recently I have been in marriage counseling with my wife (failed imo, I chewed our counselor out after she engaged me instead of listening) and have visited several local AA meetings until one fateful night that I came to conclude that it was....IMO...a "church group".
While I don't have any issue with anyone who goes to church, I personally am not one that is willing to be taught how to think and as such, church is not my way to go. I am a free thinker, more along the lines of budhism, spiritualism and overall whatever I want my religion to be. Going into AA, I had a set mindset as to what it was, and never realized that 6 / 12 steps involved god, and with my beliefs it just didn't work together. Needless to say when our marriage counselor engaged me on this fact, her and I got into it, and I left our session, never to return again. We continue to find another one.
I since have scheduled a meeting with an outpatient service for an "assessment" next week.
I begin the detox segment at least 3x a week as I try to pass through. I have detoxed by my self alone 5 times before (before ever realizing I was detoxing as it coincided with a 'biggest losser' contest at work and I attributed the symptoms to lack of calories....a mistake that earned me the nickname 'twitch' to which I couldn't explain at the time, but know better now.
My last attempt to stop was a 3 day stretch...Thur, Fri, Sat. by Saturday I couldn't drive, and with my wife 9 month's pregnant, she felt she couldn't drive and I pulled into a safeway and bought some bananas, and two 24oz beers, which I guzzled promptly when I got home w/o her knowledge, because as I thought it....she cannot drive, and I can drive much better w/o detox going on and the usual "oh I can stop anytime gig"...which I have several times in the past year, and come out on the other side fine, not realizing then it was a detox period. To me at this point my brain says I can stop...and drops the craving....but my body says ...oh no you don't!!! In the past, my mind has won out, but now my physical ailments has suffered my brain, and I continue on with a little bit.
Sorry all for the longness...apparetnly I have a lot to say, and a lot of ground to cover. If you have any questions, I feel comfortable here...as opposed to some AA meeting I have frequented over the last 2 months. I will try and post a daily update, as I am already feeling it's benefits...but where do I post it?
=me )) Thanks for reading my novel )))
Congrats on your decision to get Sober! Glad you found us and shared so much of what's going on. Keep posting on this thread if you like, I'll stop by and say hello each day!
God Bless & Keep it Simple,
Judy
Member
Join Date: Apr 2009
Posts: 82
Welcome! I've only been lurking/posting here for about a week, and it has helped so much, to share and to listen to others share. When I feel weak or tempted, I log in and read through a few posts, and whether a little or a lot, it always helps. A great resource for people with a desire to get or stay sober.
Welcome to SR, one thing I have found in sobriety is that my opinions of MANY things have changed when looking through sober eyes. Stay honest, keep an open mind, and be willing to do what ever it takes to get and stay sober.
I did an awful lot of things to stay sober that my drunken mind told me was messed up that turned out to be key to me staying sober. If I had kept my mind closed and been unwilling to do things I was uncomfortable with I would still be drunk today.
I did an awful lot of things to stay sober that my drunken mind told me was messed up that turned out to be key to me staying sober. If I had kept my mind closed and been unwilling to do things I was uncomfortable with I would still be drunk today.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: Sacramento
Posts: 11
Hello again everyone, just dropping in again, having the usual detox feelings, sweaty hands, a feeling of pressure in my face and head (not a headache though). It's funny how my detox period starts at different intervals from the last drink I had, some times it is right in the next morning, 8 hours after my last drink, and sometimes it's almost 48 hours. I at least am not shaking...yet, so my productivity at work stays up (do a lot of typing, am an IT person)
My wife is off for the next 5 months with a baby on the way May 12, and I think that will really help as she is around me to watch me and make sure I don't do something stupid, and one can only find so many reasons to leave the house which I am plum out of. There is nothing in my house to drink atm, and by now even if there was my wife knows all of my hiding spots since our house is only 1800sf.
Should pose for an interesting week for me, I hope the insomnia holds off, although..I do get a lot more accomplished with more time in the day without feeling much more tirred than I usually do.
I am currently in a biggest loser contest at work as I mentioned above, 2 weeks to go, I am in the lead far as I can tell....and w/o my alcohol vice...my other vice is food, so I have a double whammy coming up, trying to resist both cravings, my only 2 vices I have...for the next two weeks.
My thoughts for now, thanks for your support ))))
My wife is off for the next 5 months with a baby on the way May 12, and I think that will really help as she is around me to watch me and make sure I don't do something stupid, and one can only find so many reasons to leave the house which I am plum out of. There is nothing in my house to drink atm, and by now even if there was my wife knows all of my hiding spots since our house is only 1800sf.
Should pose for an interesting week for me, I hope the insomnia holds off, although..I do get a lot more accomplished with more time in the day without feeling much more tirred than I usually do.
I am currently in a biggest loser contest at work as I mentioned above, 2 weeks to go, I am in the lead far as I can tell....and w/o my alcohol vice...my other vice is food, so I have a double whammy coming up, trying to resist both cravings, my only 2 vices I have...for the next two weeks.
My thoughts for now, thanks for your support ))))
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