member31986

Hi to all, its been a while but I want a few opinions.

Quick summary, AH is has been back to drinking secretly vodka and is also trying on his own to quit. He lost a job back in Nov08 and is now currently working a new job (that has no benefits) but at least is something. He is a great guy otherwise but the alcohol has taken its tool over the years, it now show in his physical appearance, probably mentally too. He is the type of drinker that hides it fairly well for the most part but was put in rehab 18 years ago and has been off and on the stuff throughout. No, he is not an AA mtg. person, nor am I Alanon. Tried it, do not care for it but love this site. I told him about this site in the hopes he would check it out, he did, but not much else. I know I can not control him or his behavior.

My question is that I have basically told him I would continue on until our youngest daughter (15yrs) is graduated and on to college, then I am not sure. I do not want to disrupt family life as for the most part is not that bad for my D-(she has recovered from an eatting disorder and God forbid that would return) We also have a son in college. (he's a freshman). AH was diagnosed with high sugar and was put on Metforman (which he does not take now because of his drinking-does not want to mix the 2).

Now for the sex part, yes he still wants me. I really am not physically attracted to him at this point because of all of this. Yet, when I hold off sex, he eventually gets me back in the trap by guilting me into it. Very cunning. I know men need it and I don't worry that he would cheat at all but I know he usually is in a better mood, perhaps won't drink and it keeps the peace between us.


Opinions?? Yes I would love to hear from you. I've almost given up on him but still love him. He is a really great guy who just for some reason does not see that in himself. I know I can not control it, did not cause it and can not cure it but living with this is hard when the disease has started to take over.I know he needs to hit rock bottom in order to get the help he needs...its only on his watch, not mine.

One more thing he told me that happened to him yesterday while he was driving, he lost his vision for a brief few second(total blindness-yikes!!) but then it came back and his sight as he claims is better than before and he sees clearer now. Any idea? Thats pretty scary considering what could have happened?!! Any "insight"?

naive

if i remember correctly, alcohol metabolizes to sugar, A's sometimes become type 2 diabetic. then, the combination of diabetes and continued drinking affects the eyesight.

i am sure there are those here who can give better info...but that's a start...

member31986

His father had type 2 diabetes, and I am sure AH has it also, overweight, does not exercise etc. The whole nine yards. In fact his dad lost both legs to diabetes. He is no longer with us. AH initially was denied health coverage due to his high sugar but has since gotten on with Aetna at a higher premium. Of course the benefits are not great but he was worried to stay on Cobra that the same thing would happen when those benefits run out, and not only would he be 50, but his health probably would not be any better. I am sure this situation should be checked out but knowing my H, he won't go to the doctors about it. I can only hope it does not happen again, especially while he is driving....since he is in sales and that is where he spends most of his day.

Barbara52

O good grief! Women need and want sex too. If you want to be talked/guilted into having sex, do so. But do it with the awareness you are doing it because you want to do so.



Yeah he ought to see a doctor before he kills some innocent person in an accident.

So all that was about him. What are you doing for yourself and you daughter?

prodigal

The disease of alcoholism, as I have said many times before, is an equal opportunity destroyer. Having an addict in the family DOES cause disruption. Many times, there's the "no talk" rule, where the family acts out their frustrations but nobody talks about their feelings. It could be your daughter's eating disorder stems from being exposed to an addict.

I'm not physically attracted to my AH. And, yes, he tried the guilt "thing" on me, yelling, begging, complaining, whining, blah, blah, blah. He finally realized that my saying "no" meant "no." End of discussion. I have boundaries, and I held firm. AH learned what they were, realized I meant business, and hasn't come near me. As Barb said, I don't think men "need" sex anymore than women.