Coolmummy

I have been sober now for 76 days and am very proud of myself. I don't go on about it, I just AM. I also still occasionally go to the pub and have a sociable lemonade or a nice coffee with friends. They have always known me as a drinker, but I now just say I've stopped drinking. Surely that should be the end of it? Oh No. I get comments like 'well, i could stop if I wanted but I don't want to..' 'so, how long have you stopped for? What about holidays? You can't never drink again' 'Imagine waking up every day and having nothing to look forward to - you poor thing..' WTF???
My husband is completely the opposite i have to say. Is immensly proud and respects me quietly.

SO:

Why do people have to be so negative? What do I say? I'm not being 'moral' about it, I'm not presching abstinence, and quite frankly I don't give two hoots about what other people do with their drinking, so long as they don't harm anyone else (although, my god how dull can they be!!) Why are they so uneccesary? I've also given up smoking - well you can imagine it! 'ooh, look at you, miss perfect' etc.

Don't get me wrong, I like these people, 90% of the time they're fine. But how do I SHUT THEM UP??!!

cm xx

CarolD

Well....
When I was looking thru the bottle
I certainly was a negetive woman.
Drinkers do hang out where the booze flows
and with other drinkers.

In sobriety...I decided to enjoy new friends
who were not drinkers and who shared my
happier lifestyle. Worked out well for me...

Good to know your making progress Congratulations!

Anna

Well, my experience is very much like Carol's.

My world was negative, including my friends, when I was drinking.

When I stopped drinking, I removed the toxic people from my life right away, not knowing what to expect. What happened, was that two amazing women appeared in my life and both taught me so much. I was blessed to have known them and had I not stopped drinking, I never would have met them.

Dee74

All I can do is share my experience too CM.

Most of my friendships were all built on, or at least revolved around, drinking and drugging. Consequently quite a few people didn't like it when I stopped. It made them uncomfortable.

They made me uncomfortable too - I found, almost overnight, that apart from the drinking and drugging routine that I wanted to get away from, they were a helluva lot more negative than I'd ever realised when I was drunk and part of the gang.

In pretty short order I stopped seeking their company and they mine.

The friends who remained were the ones whose lives did not revolve around drinking and drugging, and they're friends I still have today.

In the end, you're doing this for you first and foremost, with your family a close second - what other people say or think shouldn't matter, should it?

D

least

If it were me, I think I would stop hanging out with those people. They do not understand and seem to be very rude and negative. I'd stay away from such people. They certainly aren't supporting you, but are tearing you down. You don't need such negativity in your life.

Congrats on your sober days!!

Aysha

To me it seems they feel uncomfortable about themselves.

I wouldnt even hang around them anymore.

Your doing great. Shut em up by staying away.

gerryP

Hey CM,

Firstly, Congratulations on 76 days!!!!!

I find what happens when you stop drinking, friends who drink begin to feel that their drinking is now to be questioned.

I like your attitude though, sod them if they keep commenting. Enjoy your lemonade. You may find yourself tire of the situation and move on, meeting other people who drink lemonade and don't think twice about it. I did and it wasn't a plan. i seemed to gravitate toward them as I moved further into sobriety.

beingjenagain

In the beginning I always got that same kind of response from friends "Oh yeah I drink alot' "I should cut back" etc...etc.... I just smiled and went about my way. Everyday it got easier. And when you are married it is not so easy to just get a new group of friends so I had to work with what I had! Now a year later the people that matter know that I don't drink and the people I love know I am an alcoholic and who cares about the rest!
When placed in a situation that may have caused me to slip and drink I would just repeat to myself "Oh no you won't make me drink" My character defect of stubborness carried me quite a while in the early months!!!

Fubarcdn

I don't go to the bars for that reason.
I don't think people at bars really want non drinkers hanging out as it likely makes them uncomfortable. I know when I went to the bars I certainly didn't want people hanging our drinking soft drinks.
Dinner parties and movie or games nights are different and when I do that nobody really says anything about drinking one way or the other.

Freedom1990

Congrats on the 76 days!

For me, I found a whole new set of friends through AA who respected me, and I don't find it necessary to hang out in bars anymore to socialize either.

fighttowin

i know what you mean. some of my close friends will pick at me for not drinking. i even have a friend that will have me go buy her beer. its like throwing a kid in a candy store. i have not had a drink for 9 days, but i feel strong. my head is clear and no hangovers...... that is the best. i just stay away from places that remind me of drinking.

shaun00

Bottom line..your husbands supports you....your 76 days sober.

Who cares what other think or say.......You know why your sober.

Drinkers have and always will have trouble understanding why we dont drink.

They think we are strange...lol......we think they are problem drinkers..lol.

My father still cant understand why i dont have the odd beer with him...he reckons as long as i dont drink the hard stuff ill be fine....lol

Congratulations on your new freedom.................trucker

nickishine

I just wanna say that I love your candor about this!!! There's no "magic wand" nor is there any right or wrong way in dealing with people because they are just that -- PEOPLE. Everyone has there individual issues with "stuff".... we just gotta watch out for our side of the street because that is all we have control of. I'm NO expert... just wanted to give a lil food-for-thought is all!

mamabin

I don't find those comments particularly offending, I probably would have asked the same questions if someone I knew stopped suddenly. I think they're questioning their own drinking.

Maybe because I went vegan and I get much worse ridicule for that. I guess I've learned to expect it and it doesn't offend me so much. Of course there are those that are ignorant enough to say things they no nothing about.

Coolmummy

I've just got back from having lunch with my husband, two drinking friends and our respective kids and i have to say it was ok! They were a bit sarcastic about 'which coffee are you going to go mad with now?!' but on the whole, I felt that they did respect my choice. I can be honest with these r friends and say 'yes, you know i have a problem, and no I'm not going to drink'.

It isn't that easy to just go out and meet new non-drinking friends and I have to say I don't particularly want to. That's a sort of reason i don't feel drawn to AA, I don't really want to spend my time talking about not drinking - just want to get on with it!! I like my friends - just need to tweak their thinking maybe!!

Thanks for all your words

xx

coffeenut

You know, I kinda think they may be jealous, too. Maybe they know they have a problem and don't know how to crawl out of the hole?

The good part is....maybe you'll inspire them to sober up.

foglift

For some people deep inside they may want what you have and some people are just clueless. For some people they find it easier to put someone down rather than to see someone doing positive things in their lives. Way to go on your sobriety.

flutter

I don't hang out with my drinking buddies anymore, because I don't drink. I had to take the toxic people and situations out of my life to be healthier and stay on track. Unfortunately, most of my friends that I drank with had nothing more in common with me than that really. I'm happy not to be around it.

Antone

I think that for people who are immersed in the habit of drinking, not drinking is often unthinkable. It's their oasis from life. I know I can remember that state of mind. Once we choose sobriety, that all shifts, and we look for our oasis WITHIN life, but until then, we remain focused on escape for our peace of mind.

serenityqueen

Quote:

isn't that easy to just go out and meet new non-drinking friends and I have to say I don't particularly want to. That's a sort of reason i don't feel drawn to AA, I don't really want to spend my time talking about not drinking - just want to get on with it!!

I have to comment on this. Sure, most AA Meetings ARE spent talking about things surrounding not drinking, but it's on how to deal with life on life's terms, such as being around drinkers and dealing with situations such as this.

As far as AA generated things like cook outs, softball games, volley ball tournaments . . . no one stands around and talks about alcohol. It's really the last subject that is discussed. As a recovering alcoholic and addict, I wouldn't want to stand around getting the food table ready while someone is cooking burgers and others are playing volleyball all the while talking about my past drinking. This is a big misconception of those who haven't been to AA activities.

Please give it a shot. I have made the best friends in AA, these people are the one's who are there for me no matter what. They always encourage me, rather than discourage me about anything.

Judy