Al-Anon
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2004
Location: Hope Land
Posts: 666
Al-Anon
Hi Everyone...
For those of you who do not know me, my introduction to addiction started 6 years ago, with a man that I had been married to for 21 years...he took up crack. Right out of the blue...away working with guys, partying, trying to stay up work longer...I do believe what started out to be fun ended in a nightmare, truly not his intension to end up starving for crack, so much that all his mind could see, hear or smell was CRACK.
The devastation sickened me...truly I became sick, mentally and physically. I had to go to work no matter what shape I was in...I wasn't there, I was walking dead. But my co-workers were the strenght behind me. I was leaving work one night walking out with a co-worker, I started to break-down really bad. She sat with me and told me about Al-Anon, for reasons in her life she had attended, there was a meeting that night...really in an hour, I dragged myself there...what did I have to loose. I got there...people where so friendly and I got a sense of comfort...not totally but I was OK. The meeting got on it's way and things made some sense to me, but my guard was still up. After the meeting the group goes for coffee so I went. One of the ladies that heads the Al-Anon sat across from me, she chit chatted and then asked me...How much have you been drinking...what I said. She said well I was just wondering if you are drinking to cope. What in names earth is she talking about. I had not had a drink that day, I did't come there smelling of booze nor was it brought up in the meeting. I finished my coffee and went home to never return again to an Al-Anon meeting...that woman, who does she think she is....as I opened up the frig and grabbed a beer it is almost bedtime and I have to get 4 beers into me to sleep. As a few days went passed the feelings of contentment that I had in the meeting were haunting me, poking at me, I had some relief there. Off I went again the following Tuesday, That Woman Said, glad to see you back! She knew I knew what she was talking about, but how did she know what I was doing. She opened up my eyes!
After countless Tuesdays, I grew each week to love her more and more, in she would come with her gum boots on and so full of wisdom and life. I became so relaxed there with a room full of people, couches to sit on, rocking chairs, I would kick my shoes off, pull my legs up, have my coffee. I grew to allow myself to speak, at first just a sentence or two and that was fine...aftertime a bit more and a bit more. I got to a point that I could really blurt it out and what I was feeling and how I reacted to what was going on with the addict in my life. Like I said my sanity was gone and somethings that I did to try and make him stop were insane...so when I told the story to my group...laughter would break out and my lady would continue on with something just as bizzare....it created a relaxed sense of our own space within each person. There was no need to feel ashamed of our wrong doings!
We were alll crazied, but we were getting it out!
My focus became Al-Anon...not just the program, it was the friends I was meeting, I had some laughter in my life again and was starting to understand addiction and the role that I played in it as well. It started to make me come to terms that I refused to accept. My oldest sister was having her battle with addiction as well, her oldest son, many many of night her son and my husband together, each of us dealing with it, my husband in jail her son going clean...all is better with her, then he is back at it again...at least I had one thing going for me, my husband didn't stop and start, he just kept going. My sister, I love her, but we are different, she is I guess so we say materialistic (spelling). I am more laid back and she is to the front and forward. I accept she will battle. But she was having a real roughtime accepting and dealing with her son. She would call and we would talk for hours, I was becoming more accepting and could talk her down of the fears she was having. She said oh you have come so far, I would really like to go to one of your Al-Anon meetings. So we were having a little get together at my fav ladies house. Now she has homeless cats that she feeds and her house is not a mansion and who cares anyway, we all were bring a dish and having a get together. I bring my sister and my friend chit chats with her, my sister chats but I can tell she is not comfortable...she wants to leave...then she this and that about her house, about this one and that one...I dropped my sister off...she is my oldest sister...she knows more about life than I do...I felt a sad loose, back to square one. I never went back to my group, I just believed because my sister was older and wiser, she knew better. I still continued though to work the 12 step program within my life. I have yet to come to the 12th step, but I work what I know. It has been over 2 years since I last went to Al-Anon.
So yesterday while at work, (I work at a University in the cafetria ...crazy busy at lunch) I am going not stop and glance up and see the lady from the group, she is getting coffee...I just went into a daze, so happy to see her even from a distance...I could tell from watching her, she was not familiar with the cafe and why she was there I have no idea, but she was taking some sort of a course probably and just coming in to get lunch. I continued on with my line of customers and she going my line...I kept glancing up to make eye contact with her and she was gone....my or my...where did she go, while try to keep on track with what I was doing I spotted her just behind me, so I yelled hey! She said Ohhhh! Oh my!!!!! You...you look so good and so differnt....I said you look good too!...She left and came back again, asked me to come back, said we really could use your help...we have so many knew comes that need to see life at the end of the tunnel...please could you come and help us. Yes...yes I will come back! I have not come to the end of my chapter in dealing with the addiction in my life, I have learned to live with it, but I still have challenges with it. But I also know that I am not in that black nightmare hole anymore and probably one of the worst places to be...I had the backing of Al-Anon to get me through it...so a knew step for me to give back! Plus a Knew step for me to do what I FEEL IS RIGHT FOR ME!
But SR Family, she could not make me leave here!
As for an update with her...she has it all, all that we think is great! A home that is a show case....I hate having to go there for dinner...really I try so hard and end up dropping something, her husband is right Jonny on the spot to pick up my drops. Can you imagine having Xmas dinner, people still eating and the plates being whipped away to clean up and the turkey soup is well on its way on Xmas night. We had my mom's celebration of life there, was a nice warm day....her husband has a hand shovel and spots a week and starts weeding, what can I say...he is a principal of a school. She is so very unskoken...caused my mom so many upsets with her outbursts. I day my mom passed away she had all mom crystal packed up and gone to her show case of a home. She is the most cranky lady or person I know, always thinking the better the happier....I tell you she is the last person I want to talk to....
But I am so much more of a happier person with not all the bells and whistles, I myself learned more about a greater life....thats me and that is where I am staying....I have worked harder than any paycheck could give me...I didn't end up with money in the bank...I ended up with me back.
Rose
For those of you who do not know me, my introduction to addiction started 6 years ago, with a man that I had been married to for 21 years...he took up crack. Right out of the blue...away working with guys, partying, trying to stay up work longer...I do believe what started out to be fun ended in a nightmare, truly not his intension to end up starving for crack, so much that all his mind could see, hear or smell was CRACK.
The devastation sickened me...truly I became sick, mentally and physically. I had to go to work no matter what shape I was in...I wasn't there, I was walking dead. But my co-workers were the strenght behind me. I was leaving work one night walking out with a co-worker, I started to break-down really bad. She sat with me and told me about Al-Anon, for reasons in her life she had attended, there was a meeting that night...really in an hour, I dragged myself there...what did I have to loose. I got there...people where so friendly and I got a sense of comfort...not totally but I was OK. The meeting got on it's way and things made some sense to me, but my guard was still up. After the meeting the group goes for coffee so I went. One of the ladies that heads the Al-Anon sat across from me, she chit chatted and then asked me...How much have you been drinking...what I said. She said well I was just wondering if you are drinking to cope. What in names earth is she talking about. I had not had a drink that day, I did't come there smelling of booze nor was it brought up in the meeting. I finished my coffee and went home to never return again to an Al-Anon meeting...that woman, who does she think she is....as I opened up the frig and grabbed a beer it is almost bedtime and I have to get 4 beers into me to sleep. As a few days went passed the feelings of contentment that I had in the meeting were haunting me, poking at me, I had some relief there. Off I went again the following Tuesday, That Woman Said, glad to see you back! She knew I knew what she was talking about, but how did she know what I was doing. She opened up my eyes!
After countless Tuesdays, I grew each week to love her more and more, in she would come with her gum boots on and so full of wisdom and life. I became so relaxed there with a room full of people, couches to sit on, rocking chairs, I would kick my shoes off, pull my legs up, have my coffee. I grew to allow myself to speak, at first just a sentence or two and that was fine...aftertime a bit more and a bit more. I got to a point that I could really blurt it out and what I was feeling and how I reacted to what was going on with the addict in my life. Like I said my sanity was gone and somethings that I did to try and make him stop were insane...so when I told the story to my group...laughter would break out and my lady would continue on with something just as bizzare....it created a relaxed sense of our own space within each person. There was no need to feel ashamed of our wrong doings!
We were alll crazied, but we were getting it out!
My focus became Al-Anon...not just the program, it was the friends I was meeting, I had some laughter in my life again and was starting to understand addiction and the role that I played in it as well. It started to make me come to terms that I refused to accept. My oldest sister was having her battle with addiction as well, her oldest son, many many of night her son and my husband together, each of us dealing with it, my husband in jail her son going clean...all is better with her, then he is back at it again...at least I had one thing going for me, my husband didn't stop and start, he just kept going. My sister, I love her, but we are different, she is I guess so we say materialistic (spelling). I am more laid back and she is to the front and forward. I accept she will battle. But she was having a real roughtime accepting and dealing with her son. She would call and we would talk for hours, I was becoming more accepting and could talk her down of the fears she was having. She said oh you have come so far, I would really like to go to one of your Al-Anon meetings. So we were having a little get together at my fav ladies house. Now she has homeless cats that she feeds and her house is not a mansion and who cares anyway, we all were bring a dish and having a get together. I bring my sister and my friend chit chats with her, my sister chats but I can tell she is not comfortable...she wants to leave...then she this and that about her house, about this one and that one...I dropped my sister off...she is my oldest sister...she knows more about life than I do...I felt a sad loose, back to square one. I never went back to my group, I just believed because my sister was older and wiser, she knew better. I still continued though to work the 12 step program within my life. I have yet to come to the 12th step, but I work what I know. It has been over 2 years since I last went to Al-Anon.
So yesterday while at work, (I work at a University in the cafetria ...crazy busy at lunch) I am going not stop and glance up and see the lady from the group, she is getting coffee...I just went into a daze, so happy to see her even from a distance...I could tell from watching her, she was not familiar with the cafe and why she was there I have no idea, but she was taking some sort of a course probably and just coming in to get lunch. I continued on with my line of customers and she going my line...I kept glancing up to make eye contact with her and she was gone....my or my...where did she go, while try to keep on track with what I was doing I spotted her just behind me, so I yelled hey! She said Ohhhh! Oh my!!!!! You...you look so good and so differnt....I said you look good too!...She left and came back again, asked me to come back, said we really could use your help...we have so many knew comes that need to see life at the end of the tunnel...please could you come and help us. Yes...yes I will come back! I have not come to the end of my chapter in dealing with the addiction in my life, I have learned to live with it, but I still have challenges with it. But I also know that I am not in that black nightmare hole anymore and probably one of the worst places to be...I had the backing of Al-Anon to get me through it...so a knew step for me to give back! Plus a Knew step for me to do what I FEEL IS RIGHT FOR ME!
But SR Family, she could not make me leave here!
As for an update with her...she has it all, all that we think is great! A home that is a show case....I hate having to go there for dinner...really I try so hard and end up dropping something, her husband is right Jonny on the spot to pick up my drops. Can you imagine having Xmas dinner, people still eating and the plates being whipped away to clean up and the turkey soup is well on its way on Xmas night. We had my mom's celebration of life there, was a nice warm day....her husband has a hand shovel and spots a week and starts weeding, what can I say...he is a principal of a school. She is so very unskoken...caused my mom so many upsets with her outbursts. I day my mom passed away she had all mom crystal packed up and gone to her show case of a home. She is the most cranky lady or person I know, always thinking the better the happier....I tell you she is the last person I want to talk to....
But I am so much more of a happier person with not all the bells and whistles, I myself learned more about a greater life....thats me and that is where I am staying....I have worked harder than any paycheck could give me...I didn't end up with money in the bank...I ended up with me back.
Rose
Nature Girl
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 60,328
Rose, that just touched my heart. Recovery has shown me that the most precious things in life are not those that cost anything but the gifts within each one of us and the gifts of friendship, support and love that we share.
I have known you since the day you arrived here and watched you grow, as I was growing too. I am honoured to walk this path of recovery with you.
Huge Hugs
I have known you since the day you arrived here and watched you grow, as I was growing too. I am honoured to walk this path of recovery with you.
Huge Hugs
Member
Join Date: Aug 2004
Location: Colorado, USA
Posts: 433
What a marvelous story you write about, the journey of recovery, the ups and downs, the humanity, all the lessons. You illustrate what healing an open heart allows. Thanks for sharing it all. I've felt many of the things you speak of and have been so blessed to have a wonderful Al-Anon group nearby that has become my lifeline of healing and support also. Wishing you well on this journey....
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