acer67

Hi all!

Had an okay day. Phoned a lady on the phone list offered from the meeting I attended yesterday. She wasn't home - left a msg - still haven't heard back. Might try someone else tomorrow. Need a sponser.

I have a question. On at least three occaisions today, I was offered booze. As I have created a reputation for myself in my subdivision as the "party animal" everyone just seems to expect it of me. I've created quite a following of margarita lovers. How do I handle the constant barage? It has become "common place" to share a drink on my patio with my neighbors quite regularly. One actually brought me over some leftover tequila today she had in the back of her liquor cabinet that she thought I might find useful in my next frozen concoction. I was able to "fake it" today and made a bogus excuse. I don't share close enough frienships with these people to confide the real reason. How do I get through this or will I have to admit to them that I have a drinking problem? Boy am I being tested!

flutter

Telling people you don't drink anymore doesn't mean you have to 'admit' to anything! No one's asked me why yet.. most I get, if anything is "oh, cool! Good for you!". If I feel any need to explain it to anyone, I usually just say that I'm trying to live healthier, and I didn't like that I was enjoying drinking a bit too much. I'm very ok with telling people that though, I'm very proud of my sobriety!

CarolD

Hmm....
all my social circle were also excessive drinkers.
When I told them I was keeping my place a alcohol
free zone.....that I was attending AA...determined to quit

.....most drifted away. That gave me an opportunity
to meet new AA friends who shared my new lifestyle.

I can no longer drive....sooo....when I decided to go to
a noon meeting today......I started calling about 10 a.m.
4 did not answer....#5 did....
We went to the meeting...had lunch out and shopped.

Keep in focus...recovery really works....

Believe808

I had to make more than 1 phone call many times when trying to reach out, gotta keep those fingers dialing someone will answer the phone.

It's okay for us to say We no longer drink/drug.

littlefish

Maybe you answered your own question:

They sound like casual acquaintances. So whether they come and go in your life sounds like it doesn't matter to you. Because they are not close friends, to be honest, I wouldn't break my anonymity and tell them about my sobriety.
That's just me, though.
This is really a personal choice and each recovering alcoholic would probably choose to handle your situation differently.
In my case I'm private and make a big distinction between acquaintances and good friends.
I would probably come up with something like: "I'm taking medicine now that reacts badly with alcohol" or something along those lines....

OZboy

It's my birthday today,the kids took me to lunch and out of politeness they didn't order alcohol for themselves.{their 34&31}.Is'nt that nice...
The neighbor form hell,could'nt wait to offer a beer.{D**k head.}
I don't care! "Don't think twice,it's alright.} Bob Dylan....

penny74

Just say 'no thank you..."
And if they ask why not, you say you have stopped drinking.


You never know what is enough, until you know what is more than enough. ~William Blake, Proverbs of Hell

Tazman53

The only person that really needs to know you have a drinking problem is YOU!!!

Just tell them "No thanks, I decided to qut drinking for health reasons." You have told them the entire truth in one simple sentence without ever saying you have a problem. If they are simply aquaintenances they will not give a hoot, if they are really friends they may ask why and if you choose to tell them they will support you.

I have found that the longer I am sober the less I care if some one knows I am an alcoholic or not. In the grand scheme of things being a recovering alcoholic is a non-issue.

resentful wife

Isn't it funny that when we're drinking, having fun, being loud and making a fool of ourselves, we don't CARE who knows it. We later brag about how much we put away, what dumba** things we did and about not remembering how we got home.
Then when we decide to QUIT we care about what people will say or think about us! I just told them the truth as it pertained to me, " I was tired of how drinking made me feel.
Your the only one who matters, let them think whatever they want.

Linda

acer67

Thanks all!

I will take your suggestions to heart. So true what Resentful Wife said:

"Isn't it funny that when we're drinking, having fun, being loud and making a fool of ourselves, we don't CARE who knows it. We later brag about how much we put away, what dumba** things we did and about not remembering how we got home.
Then when we decide to QUIT we care about what people will say or think about us!"

I had never really thought of it that way. That definately sheds a different light on things.

Freedom1990

I have no problem telling someone I am in recovery and active in AA. That tends to weed out the fake friends pretty quickly!

Anna

When I stopped drinking, it was a very personal decision.

I chose to not talk about my decision to people outside my immediate family.

I believe that I do not owe people an explanation as to why I am drinking or not drinking. I'm not comfortable sharing that information.

Antone

For me, I need to acknowledge how difficult it is when other people expect me to drink and I don't. There can be a lot of pressure created by expectations and traditions, even new ones. I try and avoid the situation (or people) as much as possible. If it can't be avoided, I'll contact another person in sobriety both before and after (or DURING!) an event to get support. I went to a gathering of high school friends (all male gathering) IN MY HONOR (so I just couldn't skip it) when I went back East a few years ago. Everyone thought we'd all get hammered. I know I turned some old friends off when I didn't drink. It was really difficult! But I got through it. Barely heard from anyone (except one who also quit drinking) after that. At that time my sobriety didn't stick, but I got through that particular event.

acer67

I, too, have a class reunion dinner coming up in a couple weeks. I think I will skip it. Not ready to be in that kind of position yet.

gravity

Earlier in my sobriety I found it very stressful to deal with people who offered me a drink or expected me to drink. I would avoid people & places, not return phone calls.

I think that the stress came from pride: "I don't want people to think I am weak or have a problem." "What if I tell others I quit drinking only to fail again?" And fear: "What if I am tempted?"

What I have learned is that the only people who have an issue with my sobriety are other alcoholics/problem drinkers who want someone to get hammered with. These people are far and few between and will always find someone else to drink with.

Most people in my life? Are very happy for me or don't care.

My response hasn't changed since day 1. "No thanks." I did get bugged a couple of times but I sucked it up and laughed it off.

Whats kind of cool is that over the past couple of weeks, I actually told people that I quit drinking without being asked. I'm quite happy to share my sobriety with others.

ToABetterMe

Wow! Great post! I havent given this much thought, but we too are the ones that seem to have friends on several sides of us that are drinkers, & its very common to have the kids play together while the adults sit around & drink.

I guess I will use the diet excuse for a while, then who knows.

jamdls

During the first year of my sobriety I totally avoided being around anyone or any place that had anything to do with drinking. But after oh 9mths to a year of sobriety I started feeling extremely proud of my recovery to the point that I sometimes brag about it and the majority of people have responded well. I still do not put myself in situations where alcohol is the main event not that it will make me want to drink but I find the smell disgusting and when the people have too much to drink they are disgusting.

Judy