least

I'm doing what I should be doing: living one day at a time, giving thanks for what I have, and trying to be a good mother and a decent human being. (and staying sober) But it feels hopeless too often and feels like I'm failing at everything, at least at being a mom. I'm doing alright with the oldest three but the youngest (defiant kid) is trying my patience like nobody's business. I'm ready to just give up and turn her over to someone, anyone besides myself.

She made a half hearted attempt at suicide a while ago, taking too many aspirin, but her best friend made her throw them up. I don't know what to do with her any more. Anything I do or try ends up being thrown back in my face and failing utterly. I'm watching her flush her life down the toilet and am powerless to stop her. She was put on prozac a year ago, for depression and anxiety, and while she was taking them, she was doing better and her behavior and attitude was a lot better. Now she refuses to take them, in a last ditch effort to take control of 'her' life by not giving in to the advice/authority of others. She's out of control and hates herself, and everyone else, especially me.

I've done everything I could do, and then some, but it's all for naught. I'm sick of crying every damn day, and for nothing. I don't know what else to do and have never felt so alone and afraid and helpless. I don't expect answers, just have to let it all out before I explode. Sorry to have bothered you all. I feel like I'm standing too close to the edge of a steep cliff but can't make myself move back from the edge.

adore79

Hi least, Im sorry to hear this. Would it be possible to take her to one of your councilling sessions and see what the therapist reccommends after talking with you both?

((((((Least))))))

Anna

Hi Least,

My suggestion would be to have you and your daughter talk to her doctor about the fact that she has chosen to stop taking the antidepressants. If she was doing better while taking them, and decided to stop, her doctor might be able to convince her to continue.

I'm sorry you're going through this.

Aysha

I have no advice. But I know how it feels to just get it out.
I dont have any kids either. but I know I went through a stage where I had tp rebel against everyone and everything. And hated everything too.
Hopefully it is just a phase.
Dont lose focus on yourself tho.
Sending hugs

suki44883

Least...how many aspirin did she take? You said she took them "a while ago." A while ago today? I ask because aspirin is extremely dangerous when taken in OD. My daughter did that when she was 14 and we immediately took her to the hospital and they pumped her stomach and fed her charcoal. Aspirin can cause internal bleeding and it's important to make sure it is all out of her system.

I'll send this to you by PM in case you aren't watching the board.

Emimily

i work at mental health, i can tell you this - if she has made attempts to harm herself recently, and isn't compliant with doctor's orders, you can have her committed. better yet, you can have her put on outpatient committment, which basically requires her to go to the doc's and to therapy appointments.

it's not ideal, but it might work.

least

If it's a phase, it's been going on for five years. SHe's in counseling with her own counselor (mine was "on my side") and was evaluated by a shrink a year ago, when she was put on the prozac. She's been living in a private foster home for a year and a half, but the foster mom is very lax and doesn't know what she's doing or where she is half the time.

She calls me several time a week for rides/money/favors. And then berates me or nags me over dumb stuff the whole time I'm helping her out. If I thought it would do any good I'd cut my ties to her completely, but she needs a mom and a friend more than ever, even tho the mom and friend she needs is not me, according to her, anyway.

Everything that can be done has been done, to no avail. I"m just venting now to keep from losing my tenuous grip on my sanity.

HideorSeek

Least, I am so sorry to hear about this. You try so hard to help others (fact) and you are doing so well with sobriety (fact). Please remind yourself that, as a parent and a person, you are doing the best you can and nobody can ask more than that of you. She has her own agenda and her own issues to deal with. As hard as that is for any parent to understand and ACCEPT, it's the truth. Our youngest gave us a real run for our money and everything we tried didn't seem to help. She ultimately came through it when we ceased to pick her up and I ceased to coddle her because I felt it was my fault and I 'owed' her. I'm not saying to give up on her. As parents, we cannot do that. But at least I didn't get the manual when I had kids. It is the hardest job we will ever have and I feel for you. I'm rambling here, but I guess my main points are that you need to take care of you, do the best you can for her and let her do the rest, and remember that you can't control what happens. You can just do the best you can.

paulmh

Least, take care of yourself..

Live

least,

I am so sorry! I know how a mother's heart breaks for their children.
Sending you best wishes for finding whatever peace and comfort you can find in
this situation.

and hugs,
live

Toomutch

Least, I'm sorry you are going through such a difficult ordeal with your daughter. You mentioned it's been going on for some time now. When things are going on with our kids we want so much to fix their problems (atleast I do), but realistically we cant. Once they reach a certain age, all we can do is try and guide them, support them, and love them no matter what.

You are doing so well in your recovery Least and you are such a support around here. I'm sure your daughter feels your support, however she isn't going to show it because she is hurting inside.

four812

least...thanks for sharing.

i feel you pain...and can relate.

my middle child was suicidal for a couple of years when he was 11-12,13 years old.

he refused to go to therapy or take medicine.

but somehow things changed for him.

he got interested in the home basketball team....
and then he got very interested in bowling,

and today he's doing pretty good

he don't open up much, but he's plugging along ....i remember his tough times sometimes and am so glad that he's doing better. i remeember that sometimes when I wish he would open up more with me, and let go of my wishes and be thankful that he appears to be doing much better.

keep your chin up if you can and keep doing the best you can

i appreciate knowing that you are staying on the path, and it helps me stay on the path of sobriety as well

Bamboozle

Vent away, least, and please take care of yourself.

gerryP

Least I'm sorry that you are going through this. I'm sure you feel like you are at your wits end.

I thought Emimily had some great ideas. Is your daughter under the age of 18? I don't think attempting suicide is "a phase" half hearted or not.

Thinking of you.

Mark75

Least

Continue to be the best mother you can be, that's all you can do. You are a decent human being, that much is clear from what I know of you here.

She sounds angry (I know, duh....)... When her anger lifts, her good and sober mother will still be there, with open arms. Try not to get tangled in the urgency and beat yourself up. Have faith that this will pass and when she is done with it she'll turn around and there you'll be.

Be sure you have the best professional help you can for her so she doesn't hurt herself in the meantime. Prayers to you.

Mark

christin1225

Least,
Thanks for posting and allowing me a chance to take my eyes off me for a few minutes. I have no experience or advice for you. But, I wanted to say that it sounds as if you're in a tough spot. A family member not taking needed medication must be very frustrating and challenging. Your image of standing too close to the edge of a steep cliff, doesn't raise the hairs on the back of my neck (I'm a climber), as it may some. So, I saw something very encouraging as I visualized you refusing to move back from the edge of the cliff.

Just as a climber anchors himself at the top of a cliff (such as before rappeling), I see you anchored to SR. You didn't go out on that cliff by yourself. You came here and posted. So, go ahead... stand on the edge and bravely face your difficult situation. As long as you don't isolate and you keep making sure that you're anchored to your support, you don't have to back away from situations and things, even when you feel hopeless or frightened.

That's what I see, anyway. The edge of a cliff... you.... anchored to the entire SR forum. Maybe my perception of your visual can help remind you that you're not alone and with support you can face anything.

You are not only in my thoughts but in my prayers as well. :praying

acer67

(((HUGS)))

I really can relate to your post Least! I struggle with being a good mom to my three kids too. Since my oldest was born we have dealt with her oppositional defiant behaviour. It has been SOOOOOOO trying and I have been sent to the brink of dispair so many times with her. She is now 13. That is a whole new monster. She has been off meds for about 2 years and I couldn't get her to take anything now if my life depended on it. She totally controls out family and it SUCKS! I have had many a drink trying to numb the pain and turmoil. I definately feel your pain.:ghug3

CarolD

Prayers coming your way...Mega

mtnmagic

Thinking about you tonight, Least. Thoughts and prayers going your way.
No suggestions, just sure glad you are posting about what is going on in your world.

Lenina

(((((least)))))

I have no advice. I am very impressed with you for keeping on keeping on! I swear, something is in the air. So many of us seem to be on edge. I quit watching the news as it's getting me down too. I am a pretty compulsive news junkie so this is a major change for me.

We can only take one day at a time. I've been working on my gratitude list. I know I have to keep focused on what's good and decent in the world and in particular, my life. Is there any small treat you can give yourself? I got some new herbal tea today.

Tomorrow I plan to clean out my clothes closet and see what I can take to the womens shelter. I have sorted through my books and set aside a huge box of them to give to a local shelter. Also, gathered up some old towels and ratty sheets to take to the animal shelter. If nothing else, I feel like I am giving something back.

You take care of you. I'll be thinking of you.

Much love,

Lenina