acer67

Woke up this morning with a sense of loss? (Does that make sense?) All I keep thinking about is how can I find fun in things that used to involve booze? The old denial keeps creeping in the farther I get away from my last drunk. That's what happened two years ago when I tried to stop and eventually convinced myself that I could control my drinking. Obviously, I can't. It's not that I drink all the time but am really starting to get the picture that I don't drink like "normal" people even though I don't get drunk all the time. More and more lately, I don't (can't) stop at 1 or 2. I really don't trust myself when I get in one of those "moods".

Anyway, I think I am going to try and check out a meeting today. The last time I did this I walked out not relating to a lot of people - DENIAL! This time, I feel different about the whole sobriety thing.

Glad I found this site!

Anna

Hi Acer,

One of the books that helped inspire me the most is "Drinking: A Love Story" by Caroline Knapp. She was a young, high-functioning alcoholic who wrote this memoir about her love affair with alcohol.

Fubarcdn

Hi Acer.
When I first quit drinking I thought exactly the same way.
It has only been three months for me but after each and every social occasion where I don't drink and have just as good a time this feeling becomes less and less.
I think, mostly because of the brainwashing of the advertisers and the media, that people start to believe that you can have more fun drinking than sober and I have come to believe that this is simply not the case.
Have an open mind and let your personality shine through and you may find that the opposite is reality.

That is that you are more fun, witty, nicer, better company, etc. when you are sober then when you are drunk or high.

For me with this realization has come the desire to never drink again and face the negatives of behaving badly when I was drunk.

Mark75

I get it.... I've got that sense of loss thing going today... comes with the territory. And it's cold and rainy around here.... That sense of loss is called... grief. Yes, grief applies, even if it doesn't make sense, even if staying sober will spare me oceans of grief later.... I just recognize that, yea, I am gonna miss the good times I had with alcohol... But then I realize that I am an alcoholic... those good times were pretty much gone when I quit, anyway.

I don't think alcohol is going to enhance my life anymore. So just like other things and times in my life that I miss and are gone, I just look to today... What is good today in my life. Gratitude helps me through those feelings.

Mark

Horselover

Acer - Its really good to read this post today. I too get that wistful feeling, but as I just told a friend here, I then play that tape all the way through. I used to like sitting outside on a nice, warm evening sharing cocktails with my husband and now that the weather is turning nice I get that familiar pang. I then have to remember I always, always ended the night with an argument and then sitting out there by myself stewing over things and building it up more and more. The kicker is I would wake up with the hangover and no memory of what our argument was even about. Not as good a memory when remembered through clear eyes and not wistful eyes. Know what I mean? Its like when you remember your childhood you sometimes tend to remember it differently then your parents remember it or even your other siblings. I think our memories are a defense mechanism, but I also think when we don't really examine them they can lead us into temptation once again and again and again.

I do know where you are coming from for sure.

least

I often have trouble getting thru the day without my 'crutch' of wine. I too, like HL, play the tape thru to the end, the bitter end, and remind myself that I got sober so I wouldn't have to go thru that crap anymore. I understand the 'sense of loss' feeling very well. I am trying to substitute healthy living for drinking and have 60 days sober today, so it CAN be done.

Welcome!

Missymae737

Hi Acer,

I am glad you are going to an AA meeting...If you will let yourself be open emotionally, you will hear something that will bring you comfort, and some of your questions will be answered...

Keep posting,

You can do this...:ghug

CarolD

I suggest you check out a Womans meeting.
Good to know you are planning for a healthier future....

Blessings to you and your family

adore79

I really miss booze, I admit it. But I dont miss the consequences of drinking that ruined my life. Just dont pick up, just for today!

flutter

I don't do a lot of the same things I did when I drank, socially. I don't hang out with the same people either, come to find out, if it doesn't involve drinking, they're not as interested in me lol.. oh well.

I had to find new things to do, and enjoy them without the complication of alcohol. I think eventually I could go back to some old things I liked, but really.. why?

acehood629

I also suggest AA. And if you don't feel that you relate with anyone- try another meeting. It took me a few tries. But I love these meetings so much I go almost everyday. Its my new addiction. I am always going to new meetings. Its my funnest hobby in life right now. I don't have much experience with recovery so I can't give much advice. But you will get some great feedback on this site.

SR is wonderful, the people are great, they truly care about fellow addicts and we all are doing the best we can.:ghug We are all batteling the same disease, who else can relate better to what that entails than us?

My thoughts and prayers are with you, you can do it.. One day at a time.

gravity

Selective thinking definition:
Selective thinking is the process by which one selects favorable evidence in order to justify a belief, ignoring unfavorable evidence.

I have been an AA member for about 16 months. Only very rarely do I get that sense of missing out because I do not drink. 99% of the time, I don't care.

I can only speak for myself but it took more than a few months to get to this point of full acceptance of the truth about my drinking. Willingness, patience, and hard work (the 12 steps).

But you do get there eventually.

tk1fry

For me and for folks i know, that sence of loss is normal. For me Alcohol was always there for me. In good times in bad times. It made situations (social and such) easier. It worked for a long time. Its very much like a relationship that you/I/we have to divorce ourselves from. When I was developed this relationship little did I know that she was actually a lying b****. I have a friends that have written goodbye letters to their DOC (I wouldn't be so bold as to call alcohol a drug lol , oh wait, yes i am hehehe). For me, it was more appropiate to dump her like a "explative of your choice" .

Hang in there. I'm rooting (sp) for you.

:praying

Hevyn

For me, I would always reflect back on the great times I had when drinking, not the nightmare my life became. It makes no sense, since the majority of my drinking years were a living hell. It's probably more than 20 yrs. since I last controlled it. In the end, I never knew where having "a few" would take me. When I first quit, though, I definitely went through a grieving process. It was hard to come to the conclusion that I never again could risk trying to drink socially, or for fun. It took awhile, but I finally don't think of it as a loss - I did have to learn to live again, differently.

Missymae737

Acer,

I hope you are having a better day..

Drop us a line.
Thinking of you

Tazman53

You betcha!!!

Alcohol was like a lover for me, for so many years she gave me everything I wanted with little to no pain. Then she started to turn on me, she was no longer giving me what I wnated all the time, but I continued to pursue her and on occasion she would give me what I needed. The last 5 years of my relationship with her, she tortured me, she was there all the time, even when I no longer wanted her my soul screamed for her and I took her back even though she no longer gave me anything except pain, but I continued to pursue her, trying to find just the right way to bring back what we once had.

When I threw my first wife out I was devestated, we had been together for 17 years, we had 3 children together, but it had to end and it hurt like hell, and yes something was missing.

I have heard it described that many of us havce a hole in us and for a while we can fill that hole with alcohol, but as time goes by the hole keeps getting bigger and bigger and we just can not seem to keep that hole full enough any more.......... then we stop drinking and the hole is EMPTY!!!! Well we need to fill the hole with some thing other then alcohol or we will drink again!

Thanks to the program of AA & the fellowship I have found a way to fill that hole, I have filled that hole in me with LIFE!!!!! Part of my life is AA, but the rest of it is family, freinds and those I can help......... I have to say that hole feels very good right now, it is chock full of life today and as long as I keep doing the next right thing all is well.

footprints

I feel most days at a sense of loss because i have let myself and my family down by allowing alcohol to strip me down. I feel that the alcohol has taken away ME, I dont look after myself physically in the way that i should, i tend to skip meals because the alcohol takes its place, it has stripped me of my self confidence because i walk with my head to the floor. I get attacks of panic if a parent at my sons school looks at me cause i think to myself "does she/he know". I dont like who i have become. I want to make a change i am tired of a liquid controlling my every move. Im scared as you with what i have to look forward to without alcohol but it cant be any worse than my life with alcohol. Every new day brings with it hope and i intend on grabbing onto that hope and not letting it go until it turns into achievment.

ladyangelcake

congratulations on your 60 days least, that is amazing x

coffeenut

How is it going today, Acer?