More harrassment..can I get through this?
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2005
Location: Ireland
Posts: 152
More harrassment..can I get through this?
Hi
Anyone who read my recent post knows I am trying to separate from my RAH and how we will have to live together till the court date, which could be this time next year.
I had a break over Easter at my sister's where I go every weekend, but it's given him the incentive to step up the harrassment and mind games a notch. A diatriabe this morning about how sick I am mentally and how everyone is going to know it soon, about all my affairs with men and women (!!) how I'm a devious wh*** and on and on, how he's going to enjoy this.I hate hearing his key in the door.
I cant get him out of the house as he hasnt touched me. The court papers will be served on him next week - he doesnt know this and I'm terrified of his reaction.
He's a very sick, angry man who believes he has done nothing wrong and home is a very dark place to live in. I'm shaky today and trying not to think how long this will go on for.
Anyone who read my recent post knows I am trying to separate from my RAH and how we will have to live together till the court date, which could be this time next year.
I had a break over Easter at my sister's where I go every weekend, but it's given him the incentive to step up the harrassment and mind games a notch. A diatriabe this morning about how sick I am mentally and how everyone is going to know it soon, about all my affairs with men and women (!!) how I'm a devious wh*** and on and on, how he's going to enjoy this.I hate hearing his key in the door.
I cant get him out of the house as he hasnt touched me. The court papers will be served on him next week - he doesnt know this and I'm terrified of his reaction.
He's a very sick, angry man who believes he has done nothing wrong and home is a very dark place to live in. I'm shaky today and trying not to think how long this will go on for.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: Boston
Posts: 2,936
Sophia--
Do you have people around you who are aware of your situation? Can you stay with them until he gets out or can they visit you frequently so you are not alone with this insanity?
What is your plan? When he is is served the papers does that mean he must legally get out of the house?
Please stay safe - keep busy away from him if you can and keep posting!!!
(((((hugs)))))
b
Do you have people around you who are aware of your situation? Can you stay with them until he gets out or can they visit you frequently so you are not alone with this insanity?
What is your plan? When he is is served the papers does that mean he must legally get out of the house?
Please stay safe - keep busy away from him if you can and keep posting!!!
(((((hugs)))))
b
Member
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Stumbling toward happiness
Posts: 4,706
Sophia, to me, there is not a house in the world that is worth the torture you are going through. I simply could not stay. There are many people who do not own their homes, and they seem just as happy as I am.
I ended up having to rent a room in the interim while I waited for an apartment and for the house to sell. And let me tell you: that room was the most brilliant space of all. Small, but peaceful, safe, and enclosing.
Can you spend more time away from him? Can you walk away or leave the house when he starts his harassment? Even though "houses aren't selling," are you sure you can't put it on the market as an extremely good deal, taking less than it's worth so it sells quickly to someone who wants to make an investment of it? At least you will walk away with something - in addition to your sanity.
I ended up having to rent a room in the interim while I waited for an apartment and for the house to sell. And let me tell you: that room was the most brilliant space of all. Small, but peaceful, safe, and enclosing.
Can you spend more time away from him? Can you walk away or leave the house when he starts his harassment? Even though "houses aren't selling," are you sure you can't put it on the market as an extremely good deal, taking less than it's worth so it sells quickly to someone who wants to make an investment of it? At least you will walk away with something - in addition to your sanity.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2005
Location: Ireland
Posts: 152
Thanks to both of you. I can't sell the house without his consent, even though it's my name on the deeds, and he won't agree to it. He's content to live there till the court date, as only a judge can get him out of the house.
I work fulltime and my sister lives a distance away, so I cant be absent from the house during the week. I have to keep my job. He works shifts, but has started getting up as soon as he hears me stir in the morning just so he can get some barbs in before I go to work. I ignore him, I stay locked in my room in the evenings, I avoid him as much as I can. My lawyer says it'll go against me in court if I move out.
When he is served with the papers that just gives him notice that the proceedings are starting and he has to respond with his lawyer, it doesn't get him out.
To top it all he won 18,000 euro on the lottery last night and that's his court costs covered, so he's crowing like mad. My family know the situation, I don't have any friends nearby and I see a counsellor once a week. I also have my beloved dog that I can't and won't leave behind with him.
I work fulltime and my sister lives a distance away, so I cant be absent from the house during the week. I have to keep my job. He works shifts, but has started getting up as soon as he hears me stir in the morning just so he can get some barbs in before I go to work. I ignore him, I stay locked in my room in the evenings, I avoid him as much as I can. My lawyer says it'll go against me in court if I move out.
When he is served with the papers that just gives him notice that the proceedings are starting and he has to respond with his lawyer, it doesn't get him out.
To top it all he won 18,000 euro on the lottery last night and that's his court costs covered, so he's crowing like mad. My family know the situation, I don't have any friends nearby and I see a counsellor once a week. I also have my beloved dog that I can't and won't leave behind with him.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Stumbling toward happiness
Posts: 4,706
Then perhaps you can make your room as nice as possible and simply stay in there more. Teakettle, DVDs, headphones (have you thought of walking around with headphones on when you're at home with him? I certainly would), your own internet connection.
When you're out of your room, you can try to be out of the house. Eat breakfast out. Exercise and relax at a recreation center. As I said, renting a small room (part time only) away from his harassment was a godsend to me, and it hardly cost at all. And if you're in your home, walk away when he starts his infantile harassment. Perhaps if he gets frustrated with no reaction from you, he'll actually push you or threaten you, and you can have him tossed in jail.
This is a terribly unfair situation, and you're a victim of your nation's paternalistic legal system to be certain, but it won't last forever. If you feel you must stay, avoid him - literally - like he has bubonic plague.
When you're out of your room, you can try to be out of the house. Eat breakfast out. Exercise and relax at a recreation center. As I said, renting a small room (part time only) away from his harassment was a godsend to me, and it hardly cost at all. And if you're in your home, walk away when he starts his infantile harassment. Perhaps if he gets frustrated with no reaction from you, he'll actually push you or threaten you, and you can have him tossed in jail.
This is a terribly unfair situation, and you're a victim of your nation's paternalistic legal system to be certain, but it won't last forever. If you feel you must stay, avoid him - literally - like he has bubonic plague.
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