aasharon90

Hi Im Sharon and Im an Alcoholic.

By the grace of my HP and people
like you here in SR I havent found
it necessary to pick up a drink of
alcohol since 8-11-90.

For that and u I am truely grateful.

Do you recall what stupid thing or
some uncalled for thing or lame brain
thing you did while under the influence?

Do you remember what u did after
u smoked some pot? Weed?

Do you remember what u did after
u drank a bunch of wine, beer, mixed
drinks, straight up alcohol?

I drank my wine then got a buzz.
Later i was feeling good. Got in the
car and drove drunk.

Smoked a huge joint and beat
up a good friend.

Or shot up with whatever and
made my mom cry.

I drove drunk with my kids in
the car.

I Slept with a stranger.

I took a loaded gun or a knife....

Verbally or physically hurt someone.


Those r just a few examples but
guilty of a few of them myself.

Feel free to share what your DOC
did to you.

Thanks for letting me share.

BaldHeadedJohn

Drove drunk w/the kids.
Almost caused a car wreck.
Wedged a brand-new car up on a rock.
Thought about suicide.
Almost quit a very good job.
Fell off the roof.
Wow, this list could go on quite some time.

acehood629

Hi aasharon90,
I am so amazed when I meet people like you who have such a long time clean . You are so inspiring. I'm new to recovery and this time around have 7 days. And I'm clean today. Thanks to my newfound HP.

Anyway, I have done some horrible things in my addiction. And your question is a good way for me to face some things I've never admited to. My drug of choice is opiates. All except herion. I like the prescription kind. But I've done a bit of almost everything.

I think the worst thing I did in my disease was stealing pills form a very sick relative, who suffered because I was so selfish.
I lied to my husband for 3 years about my adiction. He had no clue who I really was. And I let him believe I was someone I was not at all.
I've driven completely loaded, drunk, strung out on meth.
I've physicall fought my mom, (got my ass beat).
I've slept with guys I didn't know for more than a few days.
I've lost some great friends along the way and hurt some people who really loved me.
I've been on a path of self destruction for far too lonf and I'm now starting my journey of self-forgiveness, and I have a lot to learn and a lot of healing to do.
So now its time for me to turn my life around and do the best I can with the rest of my life. I look up to you and whatever you've done is working. Keep it up and I hope to be where you are one day.

aasharon90

At the time we r under the influence we
dont think of the things we do to hurt
others. We are not aware of the con-
sequences of what we do.


We could still be doing those things or
we can look back on them and see
what kind of danger we put ourselves
in or others.

Our friends, family members, kids pets.

Did we hurt our pets? How about our kids?
Friends?

We made people cry. We used people for our
own benifits. We destroyed property. Stole,
robbed, cheated. And so on.

rubbersoul

I agree that hearing about people like you who have been sober for that many years is very encouraging.

Well, I would do anything I could get my hands on but I was lucky that I didn't have many opportunities or contacts to get into harder drugs (never did meth or heroin) but I would have jumped smiling at it if I was offered.

I did a lot of the most stupid crap drinking and smoking pot while on prozac and previously effexor. As a teenager (a couple years ago), I drank so much that I put myself in the position to be raped.
I slept with guys that I didn't know and wouldn't have had sex with sober.
I put a cigarette out on my leg. I dropped out of highschool and have only had 1 job for 4 months. I want to forget any of this happened but those memories (and many more) remind me why I can't touch booze anymore. Taking my GED test in a couple weeks though, and I've been sober for 21 nights.

Gypsy Feet

you have an interesting way of sharing sharon! At first, I actually thought it was a share and you had done all of those things, til I got to the part about "guilty of a few of them myself"

I remember the harm I caused with regret, I wish I had stopped sooner. I think of the harm I could have caused and I grateful to have stopped when I did

Thanks2HP

I was drunk and behind the wheel more times then I can remember and was caught on three occasions. I am so thankful that I didn't hurt another person or another person's property.

I was stationed in Hawaii when I "got away" with most of my drinking and driving. I remember driving up to the Nuuanu Pali Lookout on Oahu many times late at night in the early to mid '80's. One night not only was I drunk but also high on acid when 4 or 5 of us drove up there and came upon several cop cars busting some guys on motorcycles. Of course I no longer felt the buzz of the alcohol but the acid was starting to kick in. The path was somewhat blocked and I didn't know if I should drive on by or if the place was closed due to the police activity. There is such a fine line between brave and stupid. Brave sometimes meaning getting away with doing something stupid! Well, I was "brave" enough to get out of the car, walk over to the cops and in my best "pidgin" ask if the place was closed or could we drive on through. They told us we could drive on through. I got all kinds of "cool points" from my buddies but shudder at the thought today.

I'm not sure why of all the stupid things I did under the influence this one came to mind but it did.

Wolfchild

It is much easier to list the two things i did not do while under the influence of drugs and alcohol!!

i did not have a healthy attitude toward anything or anyone.
i did not use anything/anyone/anywhere successfully.

Latte

Too many to list. I am so grateful that I don't have to live that way today.

CrackQuack

Well.... I am going to be brutally honest and let loose some of the things even MY SPONSOR does not know (but she does know some of them too).......
I tried to commit suicide.
I lied about being pregnant (my thinking was if I convinced myself I was pregnant, I'd stop smoking crack, WTF?)
I almost beat up a customer at one of the MANY jobs I held in active addiction.
I sneaked into MANY PUBLIC restrooms to smoke crack. Including the one at my fair. At least I was the boss, so I knew I couldn't get fired... Arrested, yea. Whoopee, right?
I stood up my current boyfriend, my mother, and my best friends.
I chose crack over spending time with my two children.
I lied, I STOLE, and I let a stranger touch me. We didn't sleep together, but did just about everything else.
I smoked crack in my best friend's house, after he repeatedly told me not to.
Oh, and before I started smoking it, I was already buying it for my ex. I was pulled over for speeding, with TWO 8 balls in my purse, on top of my license. How I got away with just a warning, I know angels were watching over me that day. I SHOULD have been arrested then.
I stole from my own mother, while she was in the hospital. How freaking sad is that???
And so many more things I can't think of right now..
Good thread.. Helps me keep FRESH IN MIND how much that sh!t fuked me up, and I DO NOT want to do that anymore!

shaun00

Alcohol was my poison....always was really apart from some experimenting when i was a kid........

Bad stuff i did....ummmmmmmm lots....and thats gonna stay with my priest.
I was a voilent drunk that was lucky enough to be locked up a few times.

I have and do try very hard not to be that person today.....sometimes its a breeze occasionally its progress rather than perfection.!

Im not proud of my past but i dont torment myself either......its gone...done...history...i can only make amends and move foward.

People like you.........god......and aa.........are fundemental in keeping me sober...
The holy father forgave me instantly........god be with those that didnt.

Thanks for the post sharon.........thought provoking as usual..

Love and good wishes.................trucker

CrackQuack

WAY TO GO! I got my GED in March 2008, funny enough, buried deep in my active addiction. It was the ONLY good thing I did for myself the entire time I was active.
I am very proud of it though. Extremely happy that I have it and, when I go to college (in the future), it will actually count for something other than "personal interest" this time.
And, I had actually gone in to take my test loaded. Still got highest marks in the whole "class". Shows I have so much more potential. I just need to stay clean.
And I am with you on wanting to forget. But we won't. Time will fade the memories some, but we WILL learn to deal with it in a healthy and constructive manner in the mean time!

Eroica

Are you blaming alcohol and weed for making you violent and promiscuous? How do you know alcohol "made" you do that? Alcohol does a lot a lot things, but millions of people get drunk every night and the majority of them will not ever be violent. And millions of people will drink every night without cheating on their spouse. I can only see alcohol bringing out a violent side in people who are prone to violence. Now drugs like meth might be a different story, but I wouldnt know. All I know is that after I've gotten drunk or stoned I've never had the urge to hit anyone.

aasharon90

There's all sorts of resons why people do the
things they do. Some are unexpainable, they
just happen. Silly things, horrible things...

Under the influence distorts ur thoughts. Ur
actions. Whether it be alcohol or drugs.

Your not gonna sit there and say that if
u had one drink and someone pizzed u off
ur not gonna react? No one knows what
kind of system u have inside u but u.

One drink may not affect u at all. Take
the next person and one drink makes
them tipsy. One drink make them woozy.

However whoes to say they dont take
drink with perscription drugs in there
system.....we wont know that....however
look at their behavior.

Take the same person with that one
drink mixed with a drug and say something
to pizz them off.....look at their behavior
now.....

Will they just walk away, turn violent,
become permiscuous? Every persons
system inside is different and drugs
and alcohol affects them in a different
way.

If u r a church going, faithful holy roly
and u drink moderately, there's no
guarentee they wont do silly stupid
things. Even they r not perfect.

There r many good people in the world
that live appropriately so they say.
However we will never know what
goes on behind closed doors.

Only u r in control of u and what u
do with ur life. If u can drink moderately
with no consequenses then kudos to
u. That's great. All i know is if u drink
even just a sip or glass and im not
drinking anything, i still consider u
under the enfluence and holding a
conversation with u is out of the
question.

Now back on track.....good shares
above.


Drinking or drugs adds fuel to the fire.


Today im glad i dont have to add that
extra fuel to my already spicy life.

Thanks for letting me share.

Dime

I see it as we are responsible for our behavior irregardless. But the fact is that alcohol, drugs or a combination thereof will shall we say expand the window of unacceptable, regrettable behavior in everybody. Alcoholism/addictions will bring out the very worst in everybody that doesn't exist while we are sober. Some may say it creates this behavior because it never would have existed without alcohol/drugs.

I am so glad to have removed the catalyst of my worst behavior from being part of my life.

It is so nice to wake up in the morning now and not have to remember any "worst behaviors" from the day before anymore.

shaun00

What i havent done while sober.

Gone to jail.

Been aggresive...voilent or phsically intimidating to anyone.

Stolen from anyone.

Driven drunk or driven drunk with my daughter in the back

Been put in a strip cell......or mental health unit.

Been restrained to the bed in hospital

Been to court.

Carried illegal firearms.

Prone to voilence before booze....not really.....frightened little boy more like.

Dime hit it on the head for me...alcohol creates behavior that isnt there without it.

It does different things too diiferent people.........

What is normally unacceptable becomes distorted....in my head anyway.

And becomes acceptable....i truly was insane while drinking........................ ...its just i thought it was everyone else

Texasblind

Nice share Sharon....kinda brutally honest though. OK

I was beaten down like Rodney King...drunk
F'd half the world...drunk
Physically got in a fight with my father...drunk
Woke up in a hospital...drunk
Gone to jail...drunk
Charged with assault on an officer...drunk

Kinda says it all. I don't even need to list all of it. The demon alcohol

aasharon90

The list in my first share were examples
of what many do do when under the
influence.

I am guilty of a few I mentioned....and
some i havent.

Im glad i dont know how to shoot a gun
and in fact dont know how to actually
hold a real one.....just a water gun...lol

I am not guilty of physically harming someone,
even tho i was as a child. Well, let me take
that back as i reflect back to my 20's when
drunk i slapped or punched a date...outch..!

Yep, i was pretty drunk then.

Verbally at times if pizzed off i can say some
mean things.

Knives....only the ones i use r for kitchen
use......no throwing or stabbing. Thank God.

I did try to end my life the last time i picked
up a drink before heading off to rehab.

That was my ultimate bottom.

aasharon90

Im above the influence today. Meaning
I dont do the crazy things i used to
do when i was drinking.

Crazy things like....

Pull into a church parking lot to fix
myself up before heading to a club.

Put on high heels, lip stick, purfume.

See i couldnt do that at home because
my family would want to know why
was i dressing up just to go listen
to music and whine down the day
from the kids. Hmmmmm.

I use to dial a boyfriends number back
in the 70's and whisper things in the
phone. They had no idea it was me.

I hated smoking. Never learned how
to inhale. However when i went to
the club alone, i had cigarettes
and thought i was great smoker....lol