keenan

i havnt made it easy on myself to "try" to quit drinking when Im on a weeks holiday off work and my boyfriend appears to be too busy to see me which is upsetting me so im feeling at a loose end. normally i would unwind in the evening (who am I kidding, i wouldnt wait till evening!!) by having some wine and i wouldnt be as upset that he hasnt seen me coz id be happy enough on my own in my wine induced state. instead ive to cope with the feeling (sober) that i miss him, that im upset, that im feeling a bit unloved and lonely and doing that sober is hard.
However im happy that i still havnt drank, that i sat in last night instead and watched a movie, and read a book (and remember everything i saw and read) and woke up early feeling great and not hungover. Though I am having really vivid dreams, that I remember? And finding it hard intially to get to sleep but sleep very deeply when I do.

Anna

Hi Keenan,

You know I'm not sure there is a good time to stop drinking. I think there is always something that comes along that is upsetting. But, you are learning to deal with the ups and downs of life without alcohol, and that's what recovery is all about.

Good for you!

sailorjohn

welcome!!!

Keep coming back, you'll find a lot of support here.

keenan

thanks for that guys. Thing is though i am in one way glad that my boyfriend hasnt been able to see me because i probably would have been drinking with him had he called. I know it might sound silly but i feel im not as much "fun" when im sober. maybe im wrong. i have been with him when sober and we got on great but when ive been drinking im funnier, sexier, and what if he doesnt like "me" without the wine? for e.g. right now im so hurt that he hasnt had time to see me or been ringing me, and if i was drunk i either wouldnt care as much or at all, or would tell him exactly how i felt and get it out of my system. instead im saying nothing, hoping he'll ring and that he is just busy like he says and "staying with" the feelings of hurt, worry, upset instead of covering them up with drink, but it feels like cxxp!!!

Tazman53

You know if I had waited for a "Good time" to quit drinking in my mind I probably would still be drinking or dead. My alcoholism told me that there was no good time to quite drinking, it told me that I would never have fun again, it told me that my life would end if I quit! It told me this the whole 5 years I spent in my garage alone doing nothing but drinking!!!

What I have found is when I quit drinking my old life ended and a whole new life began! At first alcohol screamed at me, I was miserable being sober, I had no idea how to function sober, I was very lucky that I was surrounded on a daily basis by people who had been through what I was going through, they assured me that things would get better, they shared with me how they got through the tough times sober, they supported me, they loved me when I did not love myself.

I tried many times to get and stay sober by myself and always wound up drinking again, once I was able to admit to myself that I needed help to stay stopped and accepted help and guidance for others who had been through what I had been through and stayed sober I was able to stay sober myself.

adore79

Hi keenan you are doing great even if you are hurting right now. It will get better, you will be a better person without the alcohol cause it is just a lie, the way we feel when drunk isnt natural and we often think ourselves better that way when it isnt true. Hang in there and hope you stick around. Big hugs.

keenan

thanks so much for all your words of encouragement. only thing is i seem to be eating more and i was doing so well on my diet, but i guess its better to be sober and have a few pounds on than drunk and thin. i never have an appetite when i drink but now instead of having a bottle of wine by my side while watching a movie or reading now i have popcorn or being easter - an easter egg!! my boyfriend rang, he asked if i was pxxed off at him and I said "to be honest im just hurt ". it is such a little thing to you to hear me say that guys but for me to say "i hurt" sober is massive. and he didnt run away screaming, he just said he was sorry and didnt mean to hurt me. not so bad!

Fubarcdn

I think that probably every one of us said this isn't a good time to stop drinking.
If it isn't one thing it is another.
I am on holidays.
I have to work.
I am so busy.
I don't have anything to do so I am bored.
I have an exam I have to take.
I just took an exam and now I need to wind down.
etc. etc. etc.
It is great that you have quit and are doing well making it through the early and hardest stages.
That little voice will always have reasons for you to drink and you have to keep shutting it down until it surrenders.
Good luck.

Anna

Good for you, Keenan!

Just consider this new, uncharted territory, as you get used to dealing with your feelings. You'll be just fine!

Tazman53

Keenan glad to hear your bf seems understanding. Early in sobriety my feelings were very sensative and all over the place! I drank away my feelings for so long that I had no idea how to deal with them, it took me some time before my feelings started to level out and I learned to deal with them.

Toomutch

I really don't have anything to add to what was said above. You are doing great... Remember 1 day at a time.