Wedding rings, lies and life
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Wedding rings, lies and life
I try not to let 'stuff' bother me, I learned how to let things go and move on a while ago. My life is basically happy, I have the usual ups and downs and sometimes struggle with being a single parent, but on the whole life is good.
Yesterday something really bothered me though and I'm having trouble letting it go, truthfully, because I don't think I should let it go. I wrote a letter about it, it's to Joe's other Aunt, I must have mentioned her before. I'm not going to send the letter to her, I prefer to say things, but for now I've written it, hoping I can let some of my anger, disgust and sadness go. And hopefully once you read it you might help me work through what I'm feeling.
Dear Helen,
I asked you last week for my brothers wedding ring because Joe had asked me if he could have it. I’d told Joe that I wasn’t sure where it was but I would try to find it for him.
I knew at the time that you had it, my brother told me a while ago. He left it in the bathroom, left the house and when he got back your mother told him you’d taken it.
We knew all this time and never said a word.
So I asked you for it last week, and you told me you had no idea where it was. I left it at that. I didn’t see the point of raking up old stuff to be honest.
So today, you decide to drive 50 miles to surprise Joe at the end of our charity walk, or so you said. We had plans for after the walk, a quiet drink and something to eat with the people we’d just walked with, but you trampled all over them, and I allowed it because Joe hadn’t seen you for a while.
It was obvious to me that Joe didn’t really want you there, he deliberately asked me to take him out to a special place we have next weekend while you were there, but you couldn’t accept that and you asked him to do something else, you made him choose which I felt was really unfair of you. Not unfair to me, but unfair to Joe. We should both have his interests at heart, but you seem to only consider yours.
I invited you into my home, I have done for a while now. Yesterday you really overstepped the mark.
To come into my home and produce my brothers wedding ring, tell Joe that his Dad had lost it twice so his mum gave it to your mum for safekeeping and to give it to Joe like that was very wrong. The ring wasn’t yours to give to him, you stole it 2 years ago, your own mother told my brother that, so to say your mum had it was another lie.
You’re also trying to pitch his parents against each other in Joes head, I won’t let that happen. Joe loved them both, he still does and even though they’re both dead you can’t accept that. You trying to make his mum into some kind of angel and his dad into the devil wont help your relationship with Joe, and I’m not going to help you anymore. You’re on your own now Helen, I hope you can live with your lies, because we refuse to.
L
Yesterday something really bothered me though and I'm having trouble letting it go, truthfully, because I don't think I should let it go. I wrote a letter about it, it's to Joe's other Aunt, I must have mentioned her before. I'm not going to send the letter to her, I prefer to say things, but for now I've written it, hoping I can let some of my anger, disgust and sadness go. And hopefully once you read it you might help me work through what I'm feeling.
Dear Helen,
I asked you last week for my brothers wedding ring because Joe had asked me if he could have it. I’d told Joe that I wasn’t sure where it was but I would try to find it for him.
I knew at the time that you had it, my brother told me a while ago. He left it in the bathroom, left the house and when he got back your mother told him you’d taken it.
We knew all this time and never said a word.
So I asked you for it last week, and you told me you had no idea where it was. I left it at that. I didn’t see the point of raking up old stuff to be honest.
So today, you decide to drive 50 miles to surprise Joe at the end of our charity walk, or so you said. We had plans for after the walk, a quiet drink and something to eat with the people we’d just walked with, but you trampled all over them, and I allowed it because Joe hadn’t seen you for a while.
It was obvious to me that Joe didn’t really want you there, he deliberately asked me to take him out to a special place we have next weekend while you were there, but you couldn’t accept that and you asked him to do something else, you made him choose which I felt was really unfair of you. Not unfair to me, but unfair to Joe. We should both have his interests at heart, but you seem to only consider yours.
I invited you into my home, I have done for a while now. Yesterday you really overstepped the mark.
To come into my home and produce my brothers wedding ring, tell Joe that his Dad had lost it twice so his mum gave it to your mum for safekeeping and to give it to Joe like that was very wrong. The ring wasn’t yours to give to him, you stole it 2 years ago, your own mother told my brother that, so to say your mum had it was another lie.
You’re also trying to pitch his parents against each other in Joes head, I won’t let that happen. Joe loved them both, he still does and even though they’re both dead you can’t accept that. You trying to make his mum into some kind of angel and his dad into the devil wont help your relationship with Joe, and I’m not going to help you anymore. You’re on your own now Helen, I hope you can live with your lies, because we refuse to.
L
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Join Date: Nov 2008
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Lucy,
I am sorry that you are hurting. This letter is clear that you are angry and calling her out.
IMHO, Helen will get very angry with this letter. You don't have physical proof that she stole the ring, so accusing her (in the US) is opening a can of possible slander that you probably don't want.
Other than you getting your feelings out and letting her know that you are aware of her BS, what do you want this letter to accomplish?
Miss
I am sorry that you are hurting. This letter is clear that you are angry and calling her out.
IMHO, Helen will get very angry with this letter. You don't have physical proof that she stole the ring, so accusing her (in the US) is opening a can of possible slander that you probably don't want.
Other than you getting your feelings out and letting her know that you are aware of her BS, what do you want this letter to accomplish?
Miss
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Join Date: Feb 2009
Location: London, UK
Posts: 927
Hi 
I understand you are angry with this person. I understand she has (as far as you are concerned) behaved badly and you want her to know that you know this. I understand the need to get the anger out in a safe way (a letter you will never send) rather than have it eat away at you.
So you have done that. And the wedding ring is in it's rightful place. No need to do anything else. It is past.. let it go.
The issue of her pitching one parent against the other.. the angel/devil.. a quiet word should let her know that it is not acceptable to her nephew and hurts him.
I understand you are angry with this person. I understand she has (as far as you are concerned) behaved badly and you want her to know that you know this. I understand the need to get the anger out in a safe way (a letter you will never send) rather than have it eat away at you.
So you have done that. And the wedding ring is in it's rightful place. No need to do anything else. It is past.. let it go.
The issue of her pitching one parent against the other.. the angel/devil.. a quiet word should let her know that it is not acceptable to her nephew and hurts him.
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Join Date: Oct 2007
Location: Manchester UK
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Originally Posted by MissFixit 
Other than you getting your feelings out and letting her know that you are aware of her BS, what do you want this letter to accomplish?
Miss
For me? I got my feelings written down and more straightened out than they were before.
I have to say also that this is not the first time she's lied to me, this was just the icing on the cake.
I'm done with her and she's not welcome here anymore.
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Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 1,322
(((Lucy))),
I know that children do NOT like it when people badmouth their parents. The kids may go on and on about a parent as much as they want, but truly, no one else is welcome to, in the kids' minds. I think it is so wise for you to allow Joe to freely love both his deceased parents. Both loved him. And he will trust YOU more for that permission. Keep loving him, Aunt Lucy. He's sooo young. A lot of that bad stuff that happened will fade, and soon Joe's dad will be a good guy in his mind. That's okay, you know.
And you will be in his present and future. And how you conduct yourself will be the best role model for this young man. I'm glad you felt safe to come here and vent. That sister-in-law would have really pissed me off too.
I know that children do NOT like it when people badmouth their parents. The kids may go on and on about a parent as much as they want, but truly, no one else is welcome to, in the kids' minds. I think it is so wise for you to allow Joe to freely love both his deceased parents. Both loved him. And he will trust YOU more for that permission. Keep loving him, Aunt Lucy. He's sooo young. A lot of that bad stuff that happened will fade, and soon Joe's dad will be a good guy in his mind. That's okay, you know.
And you will be in his present and future. And how you conduct yourself will be the best role model for this young man. I'm glad you felt safe to come here and vent. That sister-in-law would have really pissed me off too.
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