Project M

Old 04-10-2009, 08:37 PM
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Project M


He's 19 yrs old ...has two children and is a opiate/weed addict. He seems like he is 23 or 24. I've known him for just over a year. He pops in...but irreguarly and the last time I got my hopes up just a wee bit because he put most of it out on the table for me. He's still contemplating but I doubt his follow-through will come about. How long will he do it? Will he turn the tide next month, next year, or three years from now? Rock bottom isn't quite there from what I can tell.....although some contemplation, consequences, and a wee bit of honesty isn't all bad.
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Old 04-10-2009, 08:44 PM
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RUN FOR COVER MY FRIEND!!!

btw....Welcome!!!

NH7
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Old 04-11-2009, 04:16 AM
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More gently put, staying with an active addict is like having a front row seat at a horror movie.

Sadly, addiction is a progressive disease and often gets worse long before they decide to seek help. Some do get help and find a better path, some spend much of their life in the revolving door of relapse/recovery and some never find help and end up in jail, insititutionalized or die. We never know what the outcome will be for the addict in our life.

The choice is yours, only you can decide what you are willing to allow in your life. Very few of us made good decisions early in the game, and we too had to learn the painful lessons in our own time.

12 Step meetings helped many of us regain our balance, I know they saved my life, literally. Alanon, Naranon and CoDA are three similar fellowships that can each help you more than you could ever know. Maybe look to see what is offered in your area and give them a try.

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Old 04-11-2009, 04:37 AM
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Perhaps a little emotional distance and time for yourself? Eyes wide open as you continue to interact with your "Project M"!

Hugs, HG
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Old 04-11-2009, 05:38 AM
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Welcome,

Lonewolf,

This is nothing but heartache, you will be left with a broken heart. I take it this is not a family member, if I were you I would get running. Julie
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Old 04-11-2009, 01:49 PM
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Originally Posted by Lonewolf515 View Post
He's 19 yrs old ...has two children and is a opiate/weed addict. He seems like he is 23 or 24.
I have to say it. I will be 31 in a few weeks. I have never been pregnant or even had a pregnancy scare........because I'm RESPONSIBLE. (not because I'm infertile!!) I have a hard time believing he was planning on having 2 babies at the age of 19. Doesn't exactly scream "I'm a responsible adult who makes good choices" does it? Add in the opiate and weed........and I agree. RUN!! I just spent 3 years of my life with an opiate/weed addict. And if couldn't get those, alcohol was fine, too. He was clean when I met him. Ask me how long that lasted. We lived together for 26 months of the just over 3 years that the relationship lasted. He was unemployed and living off of me for 15 of those 26 months. Just a little preview for you if choose to stay. But it is your choice. I, for one, have decided I need to be better at letting my head do some logical discerning at the beginning of a relationship. Before letting my heart get all involved, I need to make sure that I can be happy with WHO they are and HOW they live their life.

Hello............you labeled your post "Project M". If he has to be a project, he's not worth your time.

YOU CAN'T AND WON'T CHANGE HIM, MY DEAR!! Be very careful before you let your heart get all involved thinking you can "fix" him. It will destroy you.
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Old 04-11-2009, 02:11 PM
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Oh my! The only projects I have these days are ones assigned in my college classes!

I want to thank you from the bottom of my heart for reminding me how incredibly grateful I am to not have any projects like 'M' in my life anymore.
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Old 04-11-2009, 03:16 PM
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What about fathering 2 children by 19 and opiate addict impresses you?
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Old 04-11-2009, 03:24 PM
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Originally Posted by outtolunch View Post
What about fathering 2 children by 19 and opiate addict impresses you?
The sad thing is I would have taken on a project like that in my younger delusional days.

What's truly heartbreaking is those two children obviously don't have a healthy and present father in their lives.
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Old 04-12-2009, 07:28 AM
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Whoa there Nelly. What if I told you I can't run. It's my job. Hence "project M"

However, you're all very right. Unfortunatley, I have to try and deal with a lot of stuff and the "project" label , I only label in my mind as someone who may not be totally committed to recovery and correcting their behavior but perhaps have shown some indications towards that end.


Crazy huh?
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Old 04-12-2009, 10:10 AM
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I don't waste my time, professional (yes, I work in the helping professions) or personal, or in NA, with addicts who aren't committed to their own recovery. This disease is hard enough to beat even when we come in with total commitment. It's impossible to beat with less than that. People are people, not projects. I too would have taken that on as a young codie. Not any more. I suggest that we pros use our valuable resources and treatment options for those who have received the "gift of desperation." Your odds are better at that point, although still kinda grim, IMO.

Love,
KJ
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Old 04-12-2009, 10:27 AM
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I don't waste my time, professional (yes, I work in the helping professions) or personal, or in NA, with addicts who aren't committed to their own recovery. This disease is hard enough to beat even when we come in with total commitment. It's impossible to beat with less than that.
Amen!!! Thanks KJ I needed to hear this today.
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Old 04-12-2009, 02:33 PM
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More gently put, staying with an active addict is like having a front row seat at a horror movie.
Except for the movie doesn't end it just keeps replaying and replaying and replaying itself until you finally get sick and tired of it and walk away either that or you have driven yourself completely crazy to the point where you are part of the horror movie..

RUN MY FRIEND...
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