puddinface

Well, hello my friends. It has been a year and 3 months since I have been here seeking somewhere to turn over my 22 year old AS. He did a 47 day stint in jail last year for violation of probation (testing positive for drugs). When he got out of jail, I thought for sure he would have had enough. Well, here I am again, consumed with worry over him. I wake up in the morning and its the first thing I think about. He took a trip down to Miami Florida and was arrested once again for getting caught with drugs. Once again, my mind cant rest...and my heart aches. And he's right back to square one again. I know theres nothing I can do for him...he has to want to get help himself...but Im so frightened for him. Why is it that the drug users loved ones are the people who suffer the most?

Nina Kay

Hi puddinface and welcome back. I'm sorry for your pain. In my opinion, the reason that we are the ones that suffer the most is because we love them the most and can't stand to see them in pain AND we are the ones that are with a clear mind enough to see clearly and feel fully what is going on with them.

Please come back here often for your own sanity and strength.

jwsablich

I feel your pain, I am currently in a relationship with an addict in recovery program and although she has gone far (drug free) she has a long way to go. for some reason they think soooo diferently from us, they believe that things are owed to them and that nothing is really their fault, someone else is causing their misfortune.

stay stong, remember the 3 C's

we didn't cause it
we can't control
we can't cure it

jeff

laurie6781

I understand your pain right now, but ..................................... I am not sure the if the loved ones suffer any more than the one in active addiction does. I can tell you from my own 24 years drinking and drugging, 22 of it addictively that it is PURE H*LL!!!! When and if an addict does find recovery they never have to worry about going to H*ll, they have already been there!

Have you tried AlAnon or NarAnon for you? It can be a great help to you, to learn how to still love the addict, but not destroy yourself in the process.

I know I have posted this before, but maybe now is a good time to post it again:

The only thing I would change on the above is that I wish THEY HAD NOT WAITED SO LONG.

What is happening to your AS is he is experiencing the CONSEQUENCES of his ACTIONS. This can be a great help in bringing him to his bottom sooner.

Please keep posting and let us know how YOU are doing as we do care so very much.

Love and hugs,

cece1960

I think it hurts us more, because we love them more than they love themselves.
I think we see a better life as a possibility for them, and they can't see past thier next fix.
I think we want them to think like us, and thats just not a possibility right now.

I really hope this last episode leads him closer to seeing a better path.
We never really know when the miracle may occur.

I'll keep you and he in my prayers
(((Hugs)))

puddinface

Thank you so much everyone. I always feel so much better when I come back here and know that I'm not alone. It's hard for me to talk to my friends about this situation with my son...they just cant relate. So I dont. So I hold it all inside until I cant hold it anymore. I keep praying and wishing and hoping that something will open his eyes....maybe this new consequence will be it. Maybe not. It doesnt help matters that he lives with his dad who is a drinker and substance abuser also. So theres no support on that end. And so it goes...another day, another deep breath. Thank you all for listening.:ghug

GwenMarie30

I think what stood out to me in this statement was that the fact that your here and posting-getting this out- is the start of your own recovery. Yours not his.

In my opinion I think your recovery is what is gonna save you from the hell that your addict is creating for himself.

You cant help or lead when your caught up in the caos with them.

This is of the addict own creation. Its his addiction. Let him live it. As painful as that is, there is nothing else to do except go down with him. You dont have to abandon your addict. But in your own recovery, you can arm yourself from alot of the pain. And in your serenity, you may be there to help him when he is ready.

Noone here abandons their addict. In retrospect its the addict who abandons the ones who love them. Until he is ready, you are the one left wondering why and what to do next. They certainly arent going to do what it takes as long as they have a safety net. Only when we suffer the hardest consequences will we learn. I think the same goes for those who love us.

When I say we in the sentence above, Im meaning the addict. I too an a recovering addict. This is what I did to those who love me.

krhea75

Phew, I too can feel your pain. After 60 days in jail for violating his probation, my son is home, now living with his dad. I think he is drinking now instead of smoking pot because it can't be detected in the mandatory drug test. Sometimes he does seem better, but sometimes this whole thing seems to drag on and on and on....I am trying to focus on me, getting back into directing school plays because I love it and I stopped for a while when his situation was too overwhelming. So puddinface, what are you doing for you? You are the only thing in this world you can control.

Spiritual Seeker

" he's right back to square one again" and it sounds like you are too.

Glad you're back. I remember you. I don't check in here as often now days. I continue to give and receive here, and find the community helpful.
we have to work at recovery too so that their addiction
doesn't compromise the life we are capable of and the potential we have for joy, productivity and serenity. It does take work and a community .

Stick around and continue to share.
Sorry to here you and your son still struggle. For most, Addiction has no quick remedy

puddinface

Krhea...interesting about what you said about your son drinking. Thats exactly what mine started doing when he got out of jail...drinking..alot. It seemed like he was substituting one thing for the other. Then before long he started smoking pot again. And then one thing led to the other...and here we are again.

cece1960

Mine too.
But after a while, and after it caught up with him and he was RIGHT back to where he was before, he was forced to deal with it again.
This round he seems a little more aware of the traps.
Its a learning curve.
I really believe they don't have the answers we have and have to trip through it themselves.
I really hope he begins on a better path.
(((Hugs)))

puddinface

Cece....believe it or not...I spoke with his girlfriend and she said that he made a comment to her "Im getting too old for this!" LOL. Interestingly enough, he has never made a comment like that before, usually just shrugs his shoulders like it was no big deal. So who knows..it may be a start of some new beginnings. Again, just dont know with him. Seeing is believing.