Made a decision...
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: Southern Colorado
Posts: 1,167
Made a decision...
So we all know from the book and the step scrolls on some of the walls at meetings that Step 3 is about making a decision.
Some like to further break it down into the fact that it's only a decision and is followed up by writing inventory as outlined by Step 4.
It consists of a prayer... with a warning at the end of it!
But what about this decision and what does it imply? Why should it be considered first and taken seriously? Why can it be so difficult?
I believe that it's because the decision implies... that dreaded "R" word... Responsibility!
But once taken, you're on your way to recovery and maturity.
I was given the awesome gift of responsibility the last time I came in from my last drunk. The group said, "It's up to you, bud. Either you're gonna do this stuff or you're not." I felt relieved of the truth in that statement. It was up to me. There wasn't any sponsor who was gonna have to put the bottle down for me. Nor was there a sponsor who was gonna do the steps for me.
In AA, we eat our own spiritual food.
Some like to further break it down into the fact that it's only a decision and is followed up by writing inventory as outlined by Step 4.
It consists of a prayer... with a warning at the end of it!
But what about this decision and what does it imply? Why should it be considered first and taken seriously? Why can it be so difficult?
I believe that it's because the decision implies... that dreaded "R" word... Responsibility!
But once taken, you're on your way to recovery and maturity.
I was given the awesome gift of responsibility the last time I came in from my last drunk. The group said, "It's up to you, bud. Either you're gonna do this stuff or you're not." I felt relieved of the truth in that statement. It was up to me. There wasn't any sponsor who was gonna have to put the bottle down for me. Nor was there a sponsor who was gonna do the steps for me.
In AA, we eat our own spiritual food.
bona fido dog-lover
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: SF Bay area, CA
Posts: 99,772
My problem with step three is that it says to turn our will and lives over the care of God 'as we understood him'... but I don't understand him, at least not at this point in my life. I remember the God of my childhood and don't feel connected, or able to connect with 'that' God at all.
I have also been told that my HP can be anything: group of drunks, good orderly direction, gift of desperation, the ocean, the forest, the stars and the universe... that's all well and good, but how do I turn my will and life over to the trees or stars or ocean? I'm really lost and confused here and cannot come to any answers or understanding of this.
Turning my will and life over to the care of God implies a HP who is ABLE to care for me, unlike the ocean or the trees or stars. Oceans, trees, and stars are powerful forces indeed, but it doesn't seem possible to turn my will and life over to a "powerful force" unless it is a deity. Maybe some confusion trying to reconcile the God of my childhood with the God of my understanding today... if indeed I HAVE a "God of my understanding"...
Sorry to ask so many dumb questions but I really want to know this... and so far I don't understand it at all. I've been told that the "God of my understanding" will 'come' to me eventually... but what do I do in the meantime??
I have also been told that my HP can be anything: group of drunks, good orderly direction, gift of desperation, the ocean, the forest, the stars and the universe... that's all well and good, but how do I turn my will and life over to the trees or stars or ocean? I'm really lost and confused here and cannot come to any answers or understanding of this.
Turning my will and life over to the care of God implies a HP who is ABLE to care for me, unlike the ocean or the trees or stars. Oceans, trees, and stars are powerful forces indeed, but it doesn't seem possible to turn my will and life over to a "powerful force" unless it is a deity. Maybe some confusion trying to reconcile the God of my childhood with the God of my understanding today... if indeed I HAVE a "God of my understanding"...
Sorry to ask so many dumb questions but I really want to know this... and so far I don't understand it at all. I've been told that the "God of my understanding" will 'come' to me eventually... but what do I do in the meantime??
Member
Join Date: Aug 2005
Location: UK
Posts: 18,299
I have never understood how we can turn our will and our lives over to an object either, Least.
As for the "as we understood him" part, I take it mean it doesn't have to be the same God as anyone else's not that we actually understand God. So, it can be our personal conception of God, not necessarily the God of any religion.
I have already made a total hash of posting about step 3 in the secular forum so I will bow out now and just read others views, lol.
As for the "as we understood him" part, I take it mean it doesn't have to be the same God as anyone else's not that we actually understand God. So, it can be our personal conception of God, not necessarily the God of any religion.
I have already made a total hash of posting about step 3 in the secular forum so I will bow out now and just read others views, lol.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2007
Posts: 1,697
The "as we understand him", or "as I understand it,him"...whatever..used to bother me a lot. Because I had no understanding, nor did I think it was possible to have an understanding in the same way I understand that 1+1=2, or even uderstanding or theoretical topics (ie, quantum mechanics).
It's a good question to ask ~ and I was told to look back to the book. It clearly states that it is more about 'conception' than understanding...also, at step 3, it says our conception can be inadequate, incomplete. Frankly, I was confused more than anything.
At the same time, I was hopeful and felt that this whole "spiritual" realm was really wide open ~ no one was going to tell me what to believe and I was to find out what "god" meant to me..by going out and being willing to learn and grow. To start over, setting ideas aside ~ those which are true are going to stay true.
My understanding is of no understanding...but it is still very real, and very powerful.
It's a good question to ask ~ and I was told to look back to the book. It clearly states that it is more about 'conception' than understanding...also, at step 3, it says our conception can be inadequate, incomplete. Frankly, I was confused more than anything.
At the same time, I was hopeful and felt that this whole "spiritual" realm was really wide open ~ no one was going to tell me what to believe and I was to find out what "god" meant to me..by going out and being willing to learn and grow. To start over, setting ideas aside ~ those which are true are going to stay true.
My understanding is of no understanding...but it is still very real, and very powerful.
Member
Join Date: May 2009
Location: Land of Cotton
Posts: 3,433
The following is from the "How It Works Commentary" ... hope this helps.
www [dot] barefootsworld[dot]net/aaworkstep3.html#howitworks
STEP 3: Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care and direction of God as we understood Him.
(There are three words here that are important to understand. For a long time, I thought that the Third Step said that I turn my will and my life over to the care of God. But it doesn't say that. What it says is that I MAKE A DECISION to turn my will and life over to the care of God. So the first word that needs to be understood HERE is the word DECISION, which is defined as "making up one's own mind." Let's say my car breaks down. Although the DECISION to get my car fixed is a vital and crucial step, that decision alone does not get the car fixed. I will ALSO need to take the actions necessary to get it fixed. For any decision to mean ANYTHING, it ALWAYS requires further action. If I decide, or make up my own mind, to turn my will and my life over to the care of God as I understand Him, that decision alone will not turn it over. I will have to take the actions necessary to turn it over. The first three Steps are designed to bring us to the point where we become WILLING to turn our will and our lives over to the care of a Higher Power, Steps Four through Nine are HOW we turn our will and our lives over [because Steps Four through Nine reveal and remove the blocks that prevent us from actually doing so], and the last three Steps are how we KEEP our will and our lives turned over to God indefinitely. After a period of time though, our ego [self-will] begins to reassert itself again; and because of our "human-ness", we fall short in maintaining perfect spiritual focus in all of our thoughts and activities. That is why I believe, even if we have worked the Steps to the best of our ability once, we will need to eventually begin the Steps cycle again and again. The other two words that are important to understand are the words WILL and LIVES. I've always thought that the words "will" and "lives" were concepts way over my head and were way too large to relate to or comprehend. But then it was explained to me that my "will" is my thinking and what motivates me, and that my "life" is all the actions that I've taken up to this moment. That explanation made the words a little more down to earth and easier to comprehend. So I now understand the Third Step as saying that I decide to take the actions necessary to turn my thinking, my motivations, and my actions over to the care of God as I understand Him. Since it's been said in many different pieces of spiritual literature that God is Love, it can also be said that the essence of all this is that I need to always be motivated by love, I need to always try to have loving thoughts and always try to take loving actions. Also, what motivates me drives my thinking and my thinking directs my actions, so I need to go deeper than just acting my way into right thinking. If my motivation and thinking is GOD-directed, I will make the right decisions [whether it seems that way at the time or not], and the actions taken will inevitably be healthy. But if my motivation and thinking is SELF-directed, I will mostly make the wrong decisions [even though I may not realize it at the time], and the actions taken will inevitably be unhealthy. Quite possibly, the single most important statement about Step Three can be found at the top of page 64 where it says, "Though our decision was a vital and crucial step, it could have LITTLE PERMANENT EFFECT unless AT ONCE followed by a STRENUOUS EFFORT to face, AND to be rid of, the things in ourselves which had been blocking us." So it's saying this Third Step decision will have little permanent effect unless we immediately follow it up with an intensely active effort to work Steps Four through Nine, because where we face these blocks is in Steps Four, Five, and Six and where we get rid of them is in Steps Seven, Eight, and Nine. And what we're being blocked off from is the ability to turn our will and lives over to begin with. So after working the six middle Steps, then and ONLY then, will we be able to turn our motivations, our thoughts, and our actions over to our Higher Power with any kind of consistency. In the Big Book, this Step is described on pages 60:3 - 64:0. The directions for taking Step 3 are on pages 60:4, 62:3, and 63:2 - 64:0. The results of taking Step 3 are given on page 63:1 and the last line of 63:3.)
www [dot] barefootsworld[dot]net/aaworkstep3.html#howitworks
STEP 3: Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care and direction of God as we understood Him.
(There are three words here that are important to understand. For a long time, I thought that the Third Step said that I turn my will and my life over to the care of God. But it doesn't say that. What it says is that I MAKE A DECISION to turn my will and life over to the care of God. So the first word that needs to be understood HERE is the word DECISION, which is defined as "making up one's own mind." Let's say my car breaks down. Although the DECISION to get my car fixed is a vital and crucial step, that decision alone does not get the car fixed. I will ALSO need to take the actions necessary to get it fixed. For any decision to mean ANYTHING, it ALWAYS requires further action. If I decide, or make up my own mind, to turn my will and my life over to the care of God as I understand Him, that decision alone will not turn it over. I will have to take the actions necessary to turn it over. The first three Steps are designed to bring us to the point where we become WILLING to turn our will and our lives over to the care of a Higher Power, Steps Four through Nine are HOW we turn our will and our lives over [because Steps Four through Nine reveal and remove the blocks that prevent us from actually doing so], and the last three Steps are how we KEEP our will and our lives turned over to God indefinitely. After a period of time though, our ego [self-will] begins to reassert itself again; and because of our "human-ness", we fall short in maintaining perfect spiritual focus in all of our thoughts and activities. That is why I believe, even if we have worked the Steps to the best of our ability once, we will need to eventually begin the Steps cycle again and again. The other two words that are important to understand are the words WILL and LIVES. I've always thought that the words "will" and "lives" were concepts way over my head and were way too large to relate to or comprehend. But then it was explained to me that my "will" is my thinking and what motivates me, and that my "life" is all the actions that I've taken up to this moment. That explanation made the words a little more down to earth and easier to comprehend. So I now understand the Third Step as saying that I decide to take the actions necessary to turn my thinking, my motivations, and my actions over to the care of God as I understand Him. Since it's been said in many different pieces of spiritual literature that God is Love, it can also be said that the essence of all this is that I need to always be motivated by love, I need to always try to have loving thoughts and always try to take loving actions. Also, what motivates me drives my thinking and my thinking directs my actions, so I need to go deeper than just acting my way into right thinking. If my motivation and thinking is GOD-directed, I will make the right decisions [whether it seems that way at the time or not], and the actions taken will inevitably be healthy. But if my motivation and thinking is SELF-directed, I will mostly make the wrong decisions [even though I may not realize it at the time], and the actions taken will inevitably be unhealthy. Quite possibly, the single most important statement about Step Three can be found at the top of page 64 where it says, "Though our decision was a vital and crucial step, it could have LITTLE PERMANENT EFFECT unless AT ONCE followed by a STRENUOUS EFFORT to face, AND to be rid of, the things in ourselves which had been blocking us." So it's saying this Third Step decision will have little permanent effect unless we immediately follow it up with an intensely active effort to work Steps Four through Nine, because where we face these blocks is in Steps Four, Five, and Six and where we get rid of them is in Steps Seven, Eight, and Nine. And what we're being blocked off from is the ability to turn our will and lives over to begin with. So after working the six middle Steps, then and ONLY then, will we be able to turn our motivations, our thoughts, and our actions over to our Higher Power with any kind of consistency. In the Big Book, this Step is described on pages 60:3 - 64:0. The directions for taking Step 3 are on pages 60:4, 62:3, and 63:2 - 64:0. The results of taking Step 3 are given on page 63:1 and the last line of 63:3.)
Member
Join Date: Jun 2006
Location: LA - Lower Alabama
Posts: 5,068
My problem with step three is that it says to turn our will and lives over the care of God 'as we understood him'... but I don't understand him, at least not at this point in my life.
problem with authority
Join Date: Nov 2007
Location: Washington, DC
Posts: 870
The Buddhist concept of Not Knowing was helpful to me with Step Three. A life run on self-will and "what I know" failed me. It was time to begin putting my trust in and receiving guidance from what I don't know and what has yet to be revealed.
Pausing is a big part of this. Asking. Listening. More pausing. More asking. Seeking and sharing a consciousness with something that is beyond my own selfish needs, instincts, and reflexes.
Pausing is a big part of this. Asking. Listening. More pausing. More asking. Seeking and sharing a consciousness with something that is beyond my own selfish needs, instincts, and reflexes.
It`s ok to stay sober
Join Date: Mar 2003
Location: Central NC
Posts: 20,902
But what about this decision and what does it imply? Why should it be considered first and taken seriously? Why can it be so difficult?
1.it can be difficult if I have old ideas between me and step 3
2.it is more than just a thinking decision.Thats a little off the beam for me,first off,it plainly states I must stop playing God.I can`t play God and surrender to God.It is a surrender,not just some dealing with God in the future,but dealing with Him right here,right now.At step 3 i surrendered my drinking problem to Him
my experience
1.it can be difficult if I have old ideas between me and step 3
2.it is more than just a thinking decision.Thats a little off the beam for me,first off,it plainly states I must stop playing God.I can`t play God and surrender to God.It is a surrender,not just some dealing with God in the future,but dealing with Him right here,right now.At step 3 i surrendered my drinking problem to Him
my experience
Member
Join Date: Jul 2009
Location: Boone, N.C.
Posts: 5
step three
My sponsor and I said the third step prayer together and I've been saying it every day. I'm trying to get in the habit of talking with my higher power and this prayer is good place to start. It's in the "How it Works" chapter of the Big Book. (pg. 76, I think) It's helped me alot. There's also another prayer that someone shared in a meeting and she was kind enough to allow me to copy it.
Help me today to not put anything into my mind or body that you would not have there. Take all of my relationships in life and make of them what you will. Thy will be done in their life as well as mine. And let me know the truth.
Amen
Help me today to not put anything into my mind or body that you would not have there. Take all of my relationships in life and make of them what you will. Thy will be done in their life as well as mine. And let me know the truth.
Amen
Member
Join Date: Jul 2009
Location: Boone, N.C.
Posts: 5
How it Works Commentay
Wow!!! Thanks so much for that post. I've been struggling with this for awhile! Now... I get it!
I'm ready to do the work now. This time I'm willing to work as hard for my sobriety as I did to get alcahol and dope! (and believe me!!! I was a hard-working junkie)
Thanks so much for that post. I've been struggling with this for awhile! Now... I get it! I'm ready to do the work now. This time I'm willing to work as hard for my sobriety as I did to get alcahol and dope! (and believe me!!! I was a hard-working junkie) Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: Southern Colorado
Posts: 1,167
If you've got a problem making a decision about God at this point, you might want to look back a step or two.
How do you know when you've truely made the decision and jumped that "I Am Responsible for my sobriety and my life and seeking God" hurdle? When you're writing this;
Resentful at: The cause: Affects my:
How do you know when you've truely made the decision and jumped that "I Am Responsible for my sobriety and my life and seeking God" hurdle? When you're writing this;
Resentful at: The cause: Affects my:
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: Southern Colorado
Posts: 1,167
Originally Posted by least 
My problem with step three is that it says ...
but I don't understand him, at least not at this point in my life.
but I don't understand him, at least not at this point in my life.
So I was encouraged to get a concept of God and work with it. Open the door a bit and give God a chance to come in. One simple one I heard a guy mention the other day was that God was the Wind... a Power greater than us... one we cannot control, right?
And... he is (and we are) a sail boat who can choose to trim and adjust his sails to the Wind...I have a concept of God that I like to consider... God does not want me to live in fear or worry. God wants me to act... and "demonstrate His omnipotence" or to "cheerfully capitalize" on these life challenges we face.
Part of why I do A.A. is to obtain Power. That's right. Power... for me. Sounds selfish? Not necessarily so. There is Power here in A.A. Awesome and undeniable Power. If you've got it, use it and spread it around! Let your light shine high on a hilltop... as they say. But when you don't got it... it sort of sucks. But as they say... this too shall pass. In fact, if you don't got it, you're missing it. Demand it. Find a sponsor and do these steps you you will experience this Power.
I finished my 4th Step tonight and the guy who was to hear my 5th step stood me up. No worries. I've arranged to swap 5th steps with someone else this weekend. This has never happened to me before. I have never ever sat on a finished 4th step for even a day. This guy will be having a 7 or 8 year birthday next week too. I would not change shoes with him for anything in the world. I fee sorry for him, not me. He's got 2 or 3 years more sobriety than me too. Maybe I shouldn't have asked him. Thought it would help him as much as me. I even prayed about it. Maybe this is God's way of saying "Find someone else to 5th Step with."
But I also believe doing steps... for me... has everything to do about God's Will. Had I completed my 5th Step tonight, I fully believe I could have said I know God better. Hopefully this will happen in a few days.
God is good. May I be a channel?
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