Motivation to quit
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2008
Posts: 5
Motivation to quit
The title pretty much sums it up: how do I motivate myself to get help and stop drinking?
Backstory (I'll try to keep it brief, but no guarantees): I moved into my own apartment this past September, and at the age of 23 this was the first time I ever lived alone. I had been a pretty heavy drinker before this, but I kept it to the weekends. As soon as I moved in, I was immediately extremely lonely, and I'd be sitting on the couch feeling as if the walls were closing in on me, so I started drinking to cope and ended up getting blackout drunk every single night. (writing that last sentence, I can't help but think about that Simpson's quote "To alcohol, the cause of, and solution to, all of life's problems)
No one knows about my problem with alcohol. In fact, this is the first time I've admitted it to anyone other than myself. I don't really have a strong social life or support structure; I have three people I'd consider friends (as opposed to a number of acquaintances), and as far as family goes I talk to my mom for about 5 minutes a week and visit them about once every three months. I'm in my senior year, and in January I started working full time for the university I attend. While I'm functional when it comes to working, I've been screwing up royally when it comes to classes. Drinking is almost like a full time night job, so there's really not room for anything else in my life right now. Honestly, I don't even care since my tuition gets taken care of as a staff member. When I accepted the position, I figured I'd finish up in the summer (originally slated to graduate in the spring, but I can only take classes part time). Now, I don't know when I'm going to graduate....or even if.
As I'm typing this, there are four empty boxes of wine behind me. These were all drank over a course of 10 days. I'm literally poisoning myself on a nightly basis, and I wouldn't be surprised if the amount of alcohol I drink every single day would be enough to kill or at least hospitalize someone who wasn't a regular drinker. This is absolute insanity. However, come the late afternoon I'll be putting a dent into box number 5 (which I started last night). I need to stop. I know what I have to do too: make a doctor's appointment to get some anxiety medication so I won't freak out when I'm sober and make an appointment to start seeing a psychologist. But I can't bring myself to do it. Part of the problem is, what then? I can't picture a life without alcohol. Case in point: one of my friends is in the peace corps in Africa, and he's coming home the end of June. Drunken debauchery and a great time will ensue, and I don't want to miss out on hanging out with one of the few people I consider a friend. I quit for a week in late October (hence my two posts here), when my drinking started to scare me. Due to the Phillies being in the playoffs/world series, my fraternity's house reopening, and halloween, opportunities for social drinking were just too many.
AA is not really something I would plan to attend for 3 reasons:
1) I have a really hard time talking about my problems and opening up to people; a psychologist would be hard enough, a room full of strangers seems impossible
2) I'm not sure if I really agree with their way of doing things
3) AA meetings are all in the evenings for obvious reasons, and it's a bit dodgy to walk around alone at night where I live.
Like I said before, I know I need to quit, but I just can't find motivation to do so. Help? I have a feeling the answer is something along the lines of "you have do find motivation yourself and just take the plunge while you do" but I needed to vent. So if you actually read all this, thanks.
Backstory (I'll try to keep it brief, but no guarantees): I moved into my own apartment this past September, and at the age of 23 this was the first time I ever lived alone. I had been a pretty heavy drinker before this, but I kept it to the weekends. As soon as I moved in, I was immediately extremely lonely, and I'd be sitting on the couch feeling as if the walls were closing in on me, so I started drinking to cope and ended up getting blackout drunk every single night. (writing that last sentence, I can't help but think about that Simpson's quote "To alcohol, the cause of, and solution to, all of life's problems)
No one knows about my problem with alcohol. In fact, this is the first time I've admitted it to anyone other than myself. I don't really have a strong social life or support structure; I have three people I'd consider friends (as opposed to a number of acquaintances), and as far as family goes I talk to my mom for about 5 minutes a week and visit them about once every three months. I'm in my senior year, and in January I started working full time for the university I attend. While I'm functional when it comes to working, I've been screwing up royally when it comes to classes. Drinking is almost like a full time night job, so there's really not room for anything else in my life right now. Honestly, I don't even care since my tuition gets taken care of as a staff member. When I accepted the position, I figured I'd finish up in the summer (originally slated to graduate in the spring, but I can only take classes part time). Now, I don't know when I'm going to graduate....or even if.
As I'm typing this, there are four empty boxes of wine behind me. These were all drank over a course of 10 days. I'm literally poisoning myself on a nightly basis, and I wouldn't be surprised if the amount of alcohol I drink every single day would be enough to kill or at least hospitalize someone who wasn't a regular drinker. This is absolute insanity. However, come the late afternoon I'll be putting a dent into box number 5 (which I started last night). I need to stop. I know what I have to do too: make a doctor's appointment to get some anxiety medication so I won't freak out when I'm sober and make an appointment to start seeing a psychologist. But I can't bring myself to do it. Part of the problem is, what then? I can't picture a life without alcohol. Case in point: one of my friends is in the peace corps in Africa, and he's coming home the end of June. Drunken debauchery and a great time will ensue, and I don't want to miss out on hanging out with one of the few people I consider a friend. I quit for a week in late October (hence my two posts here), when my drinking started to scare me. Due to the Phillies being in the playoffs/world series, my fraternity's house reopening, and halloween, opportunities for social drinking were just too many.
AA is not really something I would plan to attend for 3 reasons:
1) I have a really hard time talking about my problems and opening up to people; a psychologist would be hard enough, a room full of strangers seems impossible
2) I'm not sure if I really agree with their way of doing things
3) AA meetings are all in the evenings for obvious reasons, and it's a bit dodgy to walk around alone at night where I live.
Like I said before, I know I need to quit, but I just can't find motivation to do so. Help? I have a feeling the answer is something along the lines of "you have do find motivation yourself and just take the plunge while you do" but I needed to vent. So if you actually read all this, thanks.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2006
Location: Colorado Springs, CO
Posts: 2,391
Welcome.
I don't have any answers for you, except when I was really desperate to quit AA worked for me. I had reached the point that I was willing to anything to not drink.
Keep coming back. You are not alone.
I don't have any answers for you, except when I was really desperate to quit AA worked for me. I had reached the point that I was willing to anything to not drink.
Keep coming back. You are not alone.
Guest
Join Date: Mar 2009
Posts: 249
Hi and welcome. I can relate to your post because I was also drinking every night when I first moved in to my apartment, i gotta tell you man it is not the way. I guess you really have to find your own motivation/trigger to quit drinking. Mine was that alchohol was slowly wrecking my life and while drinking I never had the energy or drive to go out and try new things. I was basically just living the same day over and over and that is not the way life should be lived.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2006
Location: LA - Lower Alabama
Posts: 5,068
Well, you are wrong about AA meetings being at night, especially in a large city. My group meets at 6:30am every morning.
However if you don't have the motivation it doesn't matter. Maybe you can make a list of all the bad things alcohol does for you? There is a great book, Under the Influence, which motivates a lot of people.
I will tell you this, I sure as hell wish I had been motivated to get sober in my 20s instead of waiting until my 40s.
However if you don't have the motivation it doesn't matter. Maybe you can make a list of all the bad things alcohol does for you? There is a great book, Under the Influence, which motivates a lot of people.
I will tell you this, I sure as hell wish I had been motivated to get sober in my 20s instead of waiting until my 40s.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: MA.
Posts: 1,719
Pemulis,
Welcome to SR...
I am happy you found us...
I would suggest finding a doc, and being truthful about your addiction...I also suggest finding a good support group, SR, has been my life saver...In addition, you may want to check out AA...It does work for some folks, and you may find it in a positive way...
You are not alone with your feelings, truth is we don't have to be alone...Many of us wanted some motivation, especially since most of us were drowning our fears with alcohol, or simply just not wanting to FEEL any emotion uncomfortable...
Keep posting...:ghug
Welcome to SR...
I am happy you found us...
I would suggest finding a doc, and being truthful about your addiction...I also suggest finding a good support group, SR, has been my life saver...In addition, you may want to check out AA...It does work for some folks, and you may find it in a positive way...
You are not alone with your feelings, truth is we don't have to be alone...Many of us wanted some motivation, especially since most of us were drowning our fears with alcohol, or simply just not wanting to FEEL any emotion uncomfortable...
Keep posting...:ghug
Member
Join Date: Apr 2008
Location: massachusetts
Posts: 2,216
Hi Pemulis and welcome to SR!
You have been very courageous in posting here and I commend you for opening up! A couple of things come to mind...most people here had "a gift of desperation" which propelled them to seek sobriety. It could have been something dramatic, such as the loss of a relationship, or something less obvious such as the realization that alcohol was slowly killing them. Whatever it was, it fueled their original commitment. After realizing that they WANTED to stop drinking, there remains the question "how". Many have used programs, but some do not. I happen to believe that I drank for reasons and that if I did not attend to those, I would ultimately return to drinking, so I go to AA, therapy and do a ton of self-help reading. Some people use drugs, such as Antabuse or Campral, others just white knuckle it. Pretty much everyone agrees that you have to change your patterns and lifestyle, because they are so laden with associations to alcohol. So, if you drink alone, you need to get out of isolation. The bottom line is that you need to want sobriety, more than you want alcohol and, of course, that is an affirmation that one needs to make daily. It isn't easy to stop drinking, but it is simple. There are lots of ways to skin this cat, but you need to take a hard look at yourself, decide what will work for YOU and do that.
At the very least, read and post here. I guarentee that you will find many people who echo your own thoughts and feelings and that, in and of itself, is so comforting. You are not alone, by any means.:ghug2
You have been very courageous in posting here and I commend you for opening up! A couple of things come to mind...most people here had "a gift of desperation" which propelled them to seek sobriety. It could have been something dramatic, such as the loss of a relationship, or something less obvious such as the realization that alcohol was slowly killing them. Whatever it was, it fueled their original commitment. After realizing that they WANTED to stop drinking, there remains the question "how". Many have used programs, but some do not. I happen to believe that I drank for reasons and that if I did not attend to those, I would ultimately return to drinking, so I go to AA, therapy and do a ton of self-help reading. Some people use drugs, such as Antabuse or Campral, others just white knuckle it. Pretty much everyone agrees that you have to change your patterns and lifestyle, because they are so laden with associations to alcohol. So, if you drink alone, you need to get out of isolation. The bottom line is that you need to want sobriety, more than you want alcohol and, of course, that is an affirmation that one needs to make daily. It isn't easy to stop drinking, but it is simple. There are lots of ways to skin this cat, but you need to take a hard look at yourself, decide what will work for YOU and do that.
At the very least, read and post here. I guarentee that you will find many people who echo your own thoughts and feelings and that, in and of itself, is so comforting. You are not alone, by any means.:ghug2
bona fido dog-lover
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: SF Bay area, CA
Posts: 99,776
I had over six months sober about two months ago and I fell off the wagon for one day. Now I've got fifty some days sober and more determined to stay that way. I've been watching, in parts, a documentary called Rain in my Heart, which follows several alcoholics in the last days of their lives. (there's a link to it on the Alcoholism forum) It's scary as hell and makes me realize "I don't want to die from drinking". Not only that, I don't want to be sick and miserable before I die. I don't want to put my family and friends thru the hell of watching me die.
Go to the Alcoholism forum and watch some, if not all, of that documentary. It scared the hell out of me. I hope it scares the hell, and the desire to drink, out of you.
Welcome home!:ghug3
Go to the Alcoholism forum and watch some, if not all, of that documentary. It scared the hell out of me. I hope it scares the hell, and the desire to drink, out of you.
Welcome home!:ghug3
Never settle.
Join Date: Oct 2008
Location: Under immense pressure
Posts: 1,505
I'm in college, too. Miserable existence, my life consisted of work, occasionally going to class, and the rest of the time pouring just about anything I could get my hands on into my body. For the first semester of that I rocked it out, A's and B's in classes, thought I was doing great. I amazed myself that I could drink like that and still pull it off, "Damn, I must be crazy intelligent!" Then summer came and I kept drinking. Fall semester is when my grades fell through the floor though. I went from a 3.6 GPA to stumbling into grad school on academic probation.
I couldn't do AA; for me there was too much God involved. But that's just me. It works for a lot of people so if you think it will help, try it! I also did not find counseling was the way to go; I hate sharing what's happening in my mind. You will find your way though, just keep working at it, trying different things until something clicks.
I couldn't do AA; for me there was too much God involved. But that's just me. It works for a lot of people so if you think it will help, try it! I also did not find counseling was the way to go; I hate sharing what's happening in my mind. You will find your way though, just keep working at it, trying different things until something clicks.
Your attitude, not your aptitude, will determine your altitude
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Oxnard (The Nard), CA, USA.
Posts: 13,947
back to Sober Recovery. I think it takes a good deal of motivation to post on a recovery site. So I'd say your off to a good start
.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2009
Location: CA desert
Posts: 1,599
Hi P,
I totally understand where you are today. You are at a good place, except for the nightly drinking. You have a job, are a part-time student, have a place of your own and are still relatively young. You have a great life ahead of you, except for the nightly drinking. You don't know how much I'd love to reach through this screen and gently take the glass from your hand, and toss the box of wine outside on the driveway and blast it full of holes. You see, if you're a stubborn drunk like me, you may get to live through many more years of alcohol abuse. I'm fifty now and drank for over thirty years. It's impossible for me to describe the innumerable cases of despair and destruction I've seen over the years, but I can partially describe my own. It would take a book, but for now I will simply say I wish someone had cared enough when I was your age to have slapped me upside the head and asked me what the h*ll I thought I was doing. It is not cool to destroy your own life. I know, yet I did. I destroyed my life because I refused to stop drinking, even when I knew alcohol was killing me. Alcohol is a formidable foe, for it plays with us in the quiet recesses of our minds, constantly seeking to lie to us and make us believe it is our friend. It has no life of it's own, so it takes ours. I would go as far as to say the grim reaper probably has a bottle of booze in hand.
Negative motivation rarely works, so consider the up side of the coin. You can have what I briefly described above or you can change all that to a life full of real promise, accomplishment, enjoyment (not the fuzzy booze induced coma we walk around in) and healthy relationships, starting with yourself. You can become proud of who you are, and not grimace when you look in the mirror, and know that you are living the best you can. Alcohol will take all this, and much more, if you allow it.
I totally understand where you are today. You are at a good place, except for the nightly drinking. You have a job, are a part-time student, have a place of your own and are still relatively young. You have a great life ahead of you, except for the nightly drinking. You don't know how much I'd love to reach through this screen and gently take the glass from your hand, and toss the box of wine outside on the driveway and blast it full of holes. You see, if you're a stubborn drunk like me, you may get to live through many more years of alcohol abuse. I'm fifty now and drank for over thirty years. It's impossible for me to describe the innumerable cases of despair and destruction I've seen over the years, but I can partially describe my own. It would take a book, but for now I will simply say I wish someone had cared enough when I was your age to have slapped me upside the head and asked me what the h*ll I thought I was doing. It is not cool to destroy your own life. I know, yet I did. I destroyed my life because I refused to stop drinking, even when I knew alcohol was killing me. Alcohol is a formidable foe, for it plays with us in the quiet recesses of our minds, constantly seeking to lie to us and make us believe it is our friend. It has no life of it's own, so it takes ours. I would go as far as to say the grim reaper probably has a bottle of booze in hand.
Negative motivation rarely works, so consider the up side of the coin. You can have what I briefly described above or you can change all that to a life full of real promise, accomplishment, enjoyment (not the fuzzy booze induced coma we walk around in) and healthy relationships, starting with yourself. You can become proud of who you are, and not grimace when you look in the mirror, and know that you are living the best you can. Alcohol will take all this, and much more, if you allow it.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2008
Posts: 165
There are many reasons to quit drinking, most importantly you get to be healthy, less miserable and live longer. I had also damaged a number of relationships over the years due to my drinking. Luckily, I've been able to repair most, but the drinking is not worth the damage it causes.
Here's another reason. I spent the better part of 24 years being a daily drinker. On average I've spent at least $15 a day on alcohol, minimum. 24 years x 365 days x $15 = $131,400.00, and that doesn't count the money I've spent on cocaine and pot, which would add thousands more to that total. That is a low estimate. I sure would like to have $131K right now.
I can only imagine how different my life would be if I had quit for good when I went into treatment back when I was 25.
Here's another reason. I spent the better part of 24 years being a daily drinker. On average I've spent at least $15 a day on alcohol, minimum. 24 years x 365 days x $15 = $131,400.00, and that doesn't count the money I've spent on cocaine and pot, which would add thousands more to that total. That is a low estimate. I sure would like to have $131K right now.
I can only imagine how different my life would be if I had quit for good when I went into treatment back when I was 25.
Never settle.
Join Date: Oct 2008
Location: Under immense pressure
Posts: 1,505
Originally Posted by AnthonyV 
Here's another reason. I spent the better part of 24 years being a daily drinker. On average I've spent at least $15 a day on alcohol, minimum. 24 years x 365 days x $15 = $131,400.00, and that doesn't count the money I've spent on cocaine and pot, which would add thousands more to that total. That is a low estimate. I sure would like to have $131K right now.
Here's my other motivation: When those police lights came on in the rear view mirror last time I went out partying (as described above)... I was terrified. I knew I was going to jail that night. I have no other record, so potentially a DUI could have been fairly easy to explain (to employers, for example) as one night of stupidity (but there were many, many nights of stupidity when I did not get caught). Use/ possession of methamphetamine? No dice. No way to explain that one. And the cost of legal defense for DUI and possession is $5K on the low end for the DUI alone. And I'm a grad student! That's almost half my income for the year.
Forward we go...side by side-Rest In Peace
Join Date: Jun 2002
Location: Serene In Dixie
Posts: 36,740
Welcome back......
You know what to do...and you have a plan...
so why not put it into action?
IMO...the wine is affecting your brain.
Alcohol is a toxic chemical for anyone useing it.
Alcohol and Brain
...Also...your ideas of AA are not really correct
You don't ever have to share if you don't want.
Not every AA member does exactly the same thing or
agrees 100% with AA's basic text.
The program is in the basic text.
Not all AA meetings are at night.
AA is not the only recovery program available.
We have a list as a sticky in our Alcoholism Forum.
Hope you can find your way....
You know what to do...and you have a plan...
so why not put it into action?
IMO...the wine is affecting your brain.
Alcohol is a toxic chemical for anyone useing it.
Alcohol and Brain
...Also...your ideas of AA are not really correct You don't ever have to share if you don't want.
Not every AA member does exactly the same thing or
agrees 100% with AA's basic text.
The program is in the basic text.
Not all AA meetings are at night.
AA is not the only recovery program available.
We have a list as a sticky in our Alcoholism Forum.
Hope you can find your way....
Last edited by CarolD; 04-06-2009 at 10:10 AM. Reason: Typo
Dismember
Join Date: Aug 2008
Location: The Mitten, USA
Posts: 1,641
Gratitude list. Dedicate sheets of paper to all the things--large or small--that are going well with you. Review it as often as necessary.
For me the hardest part of motivation is recognizing that things really are better off for me when I'm not drinking. I get so focused on not having my stupid alcohol that I forget about all the 1,000 good things I do have. That's my two cents.
For me the hardest part of motivation is recognizing that things really are better off for me when I'm not drinking. I get so focused on not having my stupid alcohol that I forget about all the 1,000 good things I do have. That's my two cents.
Follow Directions!
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: Fredericksburg, Va.
Posts: 9,730
Alcohol looking back on when I was drinking was such a slick foe.
Alcohol convinced me to isolate no matter what! Why? Because I drank when I was alone.
Alcohol made me scared to tell anyone about my problems. Why? Because if I told some one about my problems they might be able to help me with them.
Alcohol made me feel hopeless. Why? Because if I had hope I might just be able to get help.
When I was drinking I avoided everything and anyone that might be able to help me stop drinking because I am an alcoholic!
How did I quit drinking and stay stopped?
Well I did exactly the opposite of what my alcoholism told me to do.
I quite isolating, I went to AA meetings and called people in AA.
I started telling people about my problems, both doctors and people in AA, I asked people for help.
In AA meetings I found hope, I found hope in fellow alcoholics who were staying sober and shared with me how they overcame thier fears and did not drink.
By going to a doctor and to AA seeking help I did everything that my alcoholism told me not to do, and by doing that I was able to find a solution to my alcoholism.
Alcohol convinced me to isolate no matter what! Why? Because I drank when I was alone.
Alcohol made me scared to tell anyone about my problems. Why? Because if I told some one about my problems they might be able to help me with them.
Alcohol made me feel hopeless. Why? Because if I had hope I might just be able to get help.
When I was drinking I avoided everything and anyone that might be able to help me stop drinking because I am an alcoholic!
How did I quit drinking and stay stopped?
Well I did exactly the opposite of what my alcoholism told me to do.
I quite isolating, I went to AA meetings and called people in AA.
I started telling people about my problems, both doctors and people in AA, I asked people for help.
In AA meetings I found hope, I found hope in fellow alcoholics who were staying sober and shared with me how they overcame thier fears and did not drink.
By going to a doctor and to AA seeking help I did everything that my alcoholism told me not to do, and by doing that I was able to find a solution to my alcoholism.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2006
Location: LA - Lower Alabama
Posts: 5,068
Originally Posted by hari001
I know what you are thinking..."Where the hell is Vilnius?". The response is Lithuania, the country with the highest rate of suicide in the world. Why that's we can't fathom,
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