Same stuff, different day....
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2008
Location: Northern KY
Posts: 168
Same stuff, different day....
I haven't been here in awhile and I need to vent.
I've got everything just about ready to go for next month when I'm outa here, help, money, bills paid up, renters are out end of this month...everything's as ready as it can be. I'm still a little nervous about having my kids change schools, my son is doing so well in his class(he's special needs and a good class can be hard to find), but I think he'll be okay at the new school.
Everything is going pretty well for me, minus AH. I'm doing great in school, got on the Dean's list despite the home situation, I have a new job that I start Wed, kids are doing awesome, so no complaints there.
Just that darn AH, it's always the same sh$t...different day. We went out last night, I footed the bill (I offered) and we were having a good afternoon ,despite his desire to drink to have his good afternoon. I had to go to the restroom and I swear I wasn't going even 5 minutes hardly, come back to the table and OMG he was in the world's worst mood! He used the F! word more times than I could count and was doing it loud enough I know the folks near us all heard. He berated my daughter because he thought she was being selfish and wouldn't help keep my son occupied. He was mad because we were all through eating and he was on his first plate. Mind you, he'd offered to feed our son and I did try to take over so he could eat. I offered to let him get his food first actually and he declined. When he said was saying how selfish our daughter was and how she just ate a $40 plate of food and he was just trying to eat his first, said he'd not take the kids out with us again (yep again saying it loud enough anyone near could hear him) I'd had enough. I said you're joking, you really think SHE'S selfish!?! He threw a napkin on his food, said he wasn't going to sit there and eat with three people watching him. So, we left.
As we were walking out he grabbed my purse strap, I told to quit because I really didn't want to talk to AH. He yelled at me in the middle of a big crowd and said he just needed to take a p$ss and I didn't hear him telling me quietly.
He finished peeing and I took the kids and went to the vehicle. Of course on the way home he mockingly apologized, said he was sorry that I regretted marrying him, how maybe he needs to drive because I was doing a bad job, he made a point of throwing his remaining beer out the window since we were going to get pulled over(insinuating I was driving like I was drunk), that he'd never do this again(going out as a family) and some other nonsense. He said some other stuff about having to bow down and beg for forgiveness like he always does and all I ever do is say sorry. Everything he said carried that mocking tone, kind of trying to ag things on and make me blow up. I just kept my mouth shut, he ended up falling asleep. The tension in that truck was THICK. I never argued with him, really there's no point. He was drunk and anything I said would of just not mattered.
Today, he called to talk to me and acted like NOTHING ever happened. I wasn't particuarly chatty and he asked me what was wrong? Last night when we first got in the truck he acted like he couldn't figure out what was wrong then either.
Frickin insane. He's right, never will I subject my kids or myself to a dinner out with him. My daughter, she has to be the most caring kid when it comes to her brother. She's about the farthest thing from selfish in regards to him(hey she's 10 so yeah there's some level of selfish involved, lol). My son was being a virtual angel last night.
I think he was the one being selfish, hateful, he ruined the evening.
Next month won't come fast enough. I hate the thought of my kids growing up in this type of house for the remainder of their lives. I can only imagine what my daughter would end up doing if I stayed. She's strong willed, I believe her level of revolt towards her dad's behavior would be very bad to say the least.
Did I mention on the way there he brought up that we used to go to the bar all the time to hear this band play way back? I've been to the bar twice, I told him that and he just said I didn't remember the other times? Maybe he has me mixed up with another woman......
And yeah I know I'm going to hear some rather blunt comments regarding this...it's the kind of things that I need to hear.
I've got everything just about ready to go for next month when I'm outa here, help, money, bills paid up, renters are out end of this month...everything's as ready as it can be. I'm still a little nervous about having my kids change schools, my son is doing so well in his class(he's special needs and a good class can be hard to find), but I think he'll be okay at the new school.
Everything is going pretty well for me, minus AH. I'm doing great in school, got on the Dean's list despite the home situation, I have a new job that I start Wed, kids are doing awesome, so no complaints there.
Just that darn AH, it's always the same sh$t...different day. We went out last night, I footed the bill (I offered) and we were having a good afternoon ,despite his desire to drink to have his good afternoon. I had to go to the restroom and I swear I wasn't going even 5 minutes hardly, come back to the table and OMG he was in the world's worst mood! He used the F! word more times than I could count and was doing it loud enough I know the folks near us all heard. He berated my daughter because he thought she was being selfish and wouldn't help keep my son occupied. He was mad because we were all through eating and he was on his first plate. Mind you, he'd offered to feed our son and I did try to take over so he could eat. I offered to let him get his food first actually and he declined. When he said was saying how selfish our daughter was and how she just ate a $40 plate of food and he was just trying to eat his first, said he'd not take the kids out with us again (yep again saying it loud enough anyone near could hear him) I'd had enough. I said you're joking, you really think SHE'S selfish!?! He threw a napkin on his food, said he wasn't going to sit there and eat with three people watching him. So, we left.
As we were walking out he grabbed my purse strap, I told to quit because I really didn't want to talk to AH. He yelled at me in the middle of a big crowd and said he just needed to take a p$ss and I didn't hear him telling me quietly.
He finished peeing and I took the kids and went to the vehicle. Of course on the way home he mockingly apologized, said he was sorry that I regretted marrying him, how maybe he needs to drive because I was doing a bad job, he made a point of throwing his remaining beer out the window since we were going to get pulled over(insinuating I was driving like I was drunk), that he'd never do this again(going out as a family) and some other nonsense. He said some other stuff about having to bow down and beg for forgiveness like he always does and all I ever do is say sorry. Everything he said carried that mocking tone, kind of trying to ag things on and make me blow up. I just kept my mouth shut, he ended up falling asleep. The tension in that truck was THICK. I never argued with him, really there's no point. He was drunk and anything I said would of just not mattered.
Today, he called to talk to me and acted like NOTHING ever happened. I wasn't particuarly chatty and he asked me what was wrong? Last night when we first got in the truck he acted like he couldn't figure out what was wrong then either.
Frickin insane. He's right, never will I subject my kids or myself to a dinner out with him. My daughter, she has to be the most caring kid when it comes to her brother. She's about the farthest thing from selfish in regards to him(hey she's 10 so yeah there's some level of selfish involved, lol). My son was being a virtual angel last night.
I think he was the one being selfish, hateful, he ruined the evening.
Next month won't come fast enough. I hate the thought of my kids growing up in this type of house for the remainder of their lives. I can only imagine what my daughter would end up doing if I stayed. She's strong willed, I believe her level of revolt towards her dad's behavior would be very bad to say the least.
Did I mention on the way there he brought up that we used to go to the bar all the time to hear this band play way back? I've been to the bar twice, I told him that and he just said I didn't remember the other times? Maybe he has me mixed up with another woman......
And yeah I know I'm going to hear some rather blunt comments regarding this...it's the kind of things that I need to hear.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Stumbling toward happiness
Posts: 4,706
You won't get any BAD blunt comments from me, haze.
You see now what you'll be escaping - what you will no longer have to put up with a month from now.
You've got a plan.
You've got the determination (if only to get away from the ick)
Sorry you had to go through that but just like with some other recent posters (see Blessed4x's posts about her "freight train" of guidance from HP) anger has a purpose sometimes. Without it, we'd be much more likely to stay in that sh*t forever, imho.
You're doing the right thing! Hang in there.....tick off those days to freedom...
You see now what you'll be escaping - what you will no longer have to put up with a month from now.
You've got a plan.
You've got the determination (if only to get away from the ick)
Sorry you had to go through that but just like with some other recent posters (see Blessed4x's posts about her "freight train" of guidance from HP) anger has a purpose sometimes. Without it, we'd be much more likely to stay in that sh*t forever, imho.
You're doing the right thing! Hang in there.....tick off those days to freedom...
Member
Join Date: Jan 2006
Location: behind the viewfinder...
Posts: 6,278
So why would you want to go ANYWHERE with this man? Maybe you should go out with your kids and leave the spoiled baby at home. It would cost less, not only financially, but emotionally. I have learned that I don't have to spend any of my money or time on people who treat me badly--whether I am still living with them for another month or not.
L
L
Member
Join Date: Jan 2009
Posts: 1,888
Holy smokes!! And I thought my ABF could turn on a dime faster than a pro figure skater! It is amazing how they go from 0 to nasty in a hearbeat.
I think you handled the evening with grace. You had your children to look out for and avoiding his efforts to egg you on to try to start an altercation was a good way to keep a bad situation from getting worse.
You know I bet if you were suddenly handed a microphone and given the crowd's attention in that restaurant you could have polled everyone there and found they would all agree he was acting like a complete a**hole.
And a big WAY TO GO!! for you getting all your ducks in a row to separate from him. (I'm working to do the same.)
Start working on your contact boundaries and how you plan to handle his attempts to quack at you when you've left, if you haven't already.
Stay strong. The time is going to fly by, I just know it is!
Alice
I think you handled the evening with grace. You had your children to look out for and avoiding his efforts to egg you on to try to start an altercation was a good way to keep a bad situation from getting worse.
You know I bet if you were suddenly handed a microphone and given the crowd's attention in that restaurant you could have polled everyone there and found they would all agree he was acting like a complete a**hole.
And a big WAY TO GO!! for you getting all your ducks in a row to separate from him. (I'm working to do the same.)
Start working on your contact boundaries and how you plan to handle his attempts to quack at you when you've left, if you haven't already.Stay strong. The time is going to fly by, I just know it is!
Alice
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2008
Location: Northern KY
Posts: 168
Originally Posted by GiveLove 
You won't get any BAD blunt comments from me, haze.
My daughter was invited to spend the night at a friend's this weekend, turns out the invite was so my daughter could have some time AWAY from AH. They know about our situation through me and her son, I felt like crap because the reality is hitting me full on.
It makes my stomach sick, my anxiety level to skyrocket, my blood pressure to go up, it gets me everywhere, there's no where that I can get away from his issues. It's like AH's problems swallow you up and before you know it you forget what life should be like.
scarey
Member
Join Date: Jan 2009
Posts: 1,888
Now why would you feel like crap?
Because someone else knows there's something beyond your control tearing up your life and the lives of your children and they want to help? Now that's something you should not feel bad about. You have caring friends extending their hospitality to your daughter to give her a break from a difficult situation. Now you have one less person's wellfare to worry about this weekend.
It's a blessing. Don't do your HP a disservice by feeling bad about a blessing.
As for feeling like crap for having to spend another weekend around an A? Now that I can relate to...UGH!
One more day to knock off the calendar right? Friday down...then Saturday...then Sunday...see you're almost out!
Because someone else knows there's something beyond your control tearing up your life and the lives of your children and they want to help? Now that's something you should not feel bad about. You have caring friends extending their hospitality to your daughter to give her a break from a difficult situation. Now you have one less person's wellfare to worry about this weekend.
It's a blessing. Don't do your HP a disservice by feeling bad about a blessing.
As for feeling like crap for having to spend another weekend around an A? Now that I can relate to...UGH!
One more day to knock off the calendar right? Friday down...then Saturday...then Sunday...see you're almost out!
Member
Join Date: Jun 2007
Location: Arlington, VA
Posts: 4,290
Originally Posted by inahaze
there's no where that I can get away from his issues. It's like AH's problems swallow you up and before you know it you forget what life should be like.
After you are in your new place, you get to remember what life should be like, and make it the way you want it to be!
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
