Glenna9802

AH is reading my posts, which he denies, but told me I come here "blogging to get sympathy."

Apparently, I also have a ****-poor attitude, am an abusive person, and don't have my head screwed on straight.

You all have been a wonderful support to me, which I obviously can't avail myself of anymore except in the most generic of ways. I will still be lurking, however, and wishing the best for all of you here...Lots of love...Glenna

P.S. Goodbye M.

:ghug

tallulah

Glenna.

I am worried about you. :ghug

catlovermi

(((Glenna)))

Remember, you can choose not to let him isolate and control you. You always have choices.

You can choose not to be subjected to abuse. Degrading and control are abuse.

And, there are always resources to go to, if you are willing to speak out, and take action, and get help.

You always have choices.

With concern,

CLMI

JoBloggs

Glenna. You can be someone else - take on a new disguise on SR! I often come here at the craziest times in my rollercoaster life and I can't imagine not being able to. Take care of you. X

Freedom1990

As CLMI has already said, you always have choices.

I don't know why you've chosen to allow AH to become your higher power again, but I will say my heart is heavy and I'm scared for you. I also miss seeing you post.

I hope you find your way again, and in the meantime, I'm going to turn you over to my HP.

:ghug :ghug :ghug

Taking5

Change your screen name here on SR.com, and don't give any indication of where you or located. Or better yet, lie about where you are located. You can still post here.

GiveLove

Glenna, do not let him take this source of support from you.

Write to the mods (their names are found at the bottom right of the first forum page), explain your situation, and they will explain how you can maintain your privacy.

This is controlling behavior, and he has no right to rob you of this.

resentful wife

Agree with everyone else. Change your name and password if you think he knows it, PM those you you want to have the info and who you would like them to tell as some of us post in other areas and I doubt that he can read every thread LOL. Most important is to make sure you always log out and delete history and even cookies and temp memory if you think he would look that far.
He's still treating you like crap and you should be able to have some where to come to for support.
Abusive and controlling men don't like it when we find something that we can use and enjoy without them being the source of it, giving it to us , or giving their approval first.
Your in control of you, hopefully you'll use it.

Sending hugs and kisses to make it all better

Linda

Tarheel

Glenna,

Please, please listen to GiveLove and the others! This is YOUR support system and as your support system we can help you figure this one out.

Take care of yourself!!

TH

sailorjohn

Sorry you had to find out this way, you may want to cancel your old account/user name, start a new account with a different user name. And don't tell anyone that you don't want to know.

LaTeeDa

That kind of behavior is NOT recovery. I hope you realize that. ((()))

L

laurie6781

I agree with everything said.

Now some questions for you? Do you really want to live like this? This man is an A and apparently want to 'control' you.

You are better than that. Change your name and password. Clean the history, cookies, temp files, every time you have been on here.

This is NOT good for you. I am sure your sponsor, when you share this with her, will have some further things to discuss with you.

PM an administrator and tell them the name and password you want to use and they will change it for you.

We are here for you.

Love and hugs,
\

kermit

I'm on the same page, get a new screen name, you need us as much as WE need you.

freya

OK...I think I'm about to get really unpopular here....but honestly, this is blowing my mind.....and the thing I keep thinking here is "Who the h*ll cares????????" If he's willing to sink to the level of disrespecting your privacy and trying to prevent you from having a support system and a life that doesn't revolve around him....then who the h*ll cares what he "thinks" or does anyways? I mean, seriously, why would you even consider giving anyone who had the sick arrogance and audacity to behave like this any more control or influence over you than he already has????

Are you doing anything wrong by posting here? Are you making things up or telling lies about the AH? Are you gossiping about him or discussing his bad behaviors for no other reason than the 'dis' him and puff yourself up or just for the drama it provides? Or are you talking about what you need to talk about in order to process what you need to process to figure out what you need to do to take care of yourself?

I'm gonna go out on a limb here and assume, just for the heck of it, that you've been truthful and honest in your postings. So, he reads them and he gets all bent out of shape and pissed off and tries to intimidate you from posting. What does that really say about him and about this entire situation????? It says that he can't stand the truth about himself because he knows perfectly well that it's an ugly, pathetic, embarrassing mess. And, of course, his, perfectly alcoholic, solution to that problem is....

.....to stop you from telling the truth!!!!!!!

I hate to be the one to break it to him (assuming he's reading, of course), but I really fail to see how that addresses the bottom line issue here, which is that his behavior is an ugly, pathetic, embarrassing mess. In fact, all it would seem to have the potential to accomplish is to enable the ugly, pathetic, embarrassing mess to continue and to make sure you crawl deeper down there into it, wallowing around right along-side him.

Maybe it's just me, but I think it's pretty simple to come up with a better plan. You keep posting; he keeps reading, if he so chooses (After all, it's a public site in a free country!). Eventually, either 1) you get the support and strength to get rid of him; 2) he gets embarrassed enough to crawl out of your life; or 3) he gets embarrassed enough to actually address the fact that his behavior is an ugly, pathetic, embarrassing mess. In any case, the ugly, pathetic, embarrassing mess is no longer in your life.

So, the choices again.....

1) Get down and wallow around in the ugly, pathetic, embarrassing mess with him.

2) Continue on a course that, one way or the other, can ultimately lead to getting the ugly, embarrassing mess out of your life.

.............hmmmmmmmmmm..........now what would a healthy person do????????

freya

...oh, and, BTW, I have been in this situation with my partner when she was in her dry-drunk and had the friggin' audacity to tell me that I shouldn't be talking to people about what was was going on in my life. It kinda made me laugh that anyone who had known me for more than 5 minutes would even think she might be able to get away with censoring me, but how I finally answered her was: "You don't like the truth about your behavior? Well, I guess it's a good thing that you have total power to change it."

Glenna9802

OMG---was just about to contact the mods to change my identity until I read what Freya had to say, which was an awesome post!! It's true...I haven't done anything wrong. Why should I have to go into hiding? You all are a great support system and one I would like to continue using. I'm not the one who should be embarrassed. Now I really don't know which way to go.

Kimmieh

I would say go the way that gives you the most support and that you feel most comfortable with. While I can totally see Freya's point, you are probably not here to make a statement of sorts ("he has no right to do that and I will resist by still posting under this name"). but to find support and advice. I was in a somewhat similar situation and the idea that he might have been reading everything I wrote made me restrict myself. I changed my user name and all was well.

Whatever works best for you is the best way to go.

Rainbowsend

Glenna,

I had exactly the same thing happen and the same accusations only in my case he joined the board, started replying to my posts and mentioned my childrens names on a public forum.

In agreement that you have done nothing wrong but if you don't change your details will you feel free to post exactly what you think? You come here for you and need to be able to put your point accross without feeling inhibited.

Best of luck whatever you decide.

Ago

Why not towards recovery?

I'da said, you think I said bad things about you on SR you should SEE what I wrote at "the other site"

That should keep him out of your hair for a month at least while he tries to find it.

Any relationship where someone determines what you can do, what you can say, where you can go, what you can think isn't a relationship, it's called "captivity"

Alcoholics and codependents both don't so much get in relationships as "take hostages", it's time to start standing on your own two feet Glenna, he may "steal the car" but you certainly left the keys in it.

Are you still only allowed to see your children once a week at Mickey D's "because of this man"? Is this what kind of life you want for yourself? Is this what kind of life you want for your children?

It's up to you

You have a chance to get sober and get well Glenna, the door is open, the only person that can close that door is you.

You have control over your own life if you should choose to, but if you hand control back over to him, like you appear to be doing, just know, you were free "for a minute" under your own power, and you chose to go back, now you are choosing to let him make your decisions for you.

It's your life, do with it what you will, but please know, we are here for you as is alanon/AA should you decide to avail yourself of the resources offered so freely by people who once walked in the very same shoes you are wearing now, but don't any more.

BTW, the same thing happened to me, I said, Fuggit, let her read whatever she wants, it's not like she hadn't already put a keylogger on the computer already, got all my passwords and got into all of my emails, phone bills etc.

I decided this site was mine. my support. my recovery.

I allow NOTHING to get between me and my recovery, but that's just me.

LaTeeDa

The question about what to do with your SR sign-on is unimportant. The question about what to do with your real life is what's important here.

I seem to recall you posting that you were going back to this man under the agreement that you would both work toward recovery. It certainly doesn't sound like he's holding up his end of the bargain. So, just because you decided to give him a chance, doesn't mean you have to keep on giving it. I doubt you agreed to tolerate controlling behavior and verbal abuse when you agreed to go back. That's the great thing about decisions and choices, you can change them if it turns out not to be the right one.

Maybe it's time to change your choice and change your life?

L

Glenna9802

And this is why I have decided I'm not going to change my identity or stop posting. I'm here for support, nothing else, and I don't have to be ashamed of that.

What I didn't mention before is that I was on the phone with my sponsor on Friday night, and he kept coming outside and interrupting me for various reasons, asking me who it was, and the last time being that I had noodles cooking on the stove and it "wasn't his responsibility" to watch them. My sponsor finally asked me if I had to go. After I hung up, I told him how rude that was, and that's what set off the hour-long tirade against me, my sponsor and SR. He now has decided he doesn't like my sponsor and that she's probably some whiny Al-Anon lady who can't get a man herself (what?).

My story isn't a new one. "If only he would quit drinking, everything would be great." His humility and willingness lasted about a week. Now it's the same behavior---minus the alcohol. He told me I only want him if he caters to me, walks on eggshells and acts like a p***y. Not true. All I ever wanted is to be treated kindly and with respect.