Alone and Unsure
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Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: USA
Posts: 1
Alone and Unsure
Today my husband went to an NA meeting to 'support a friend'. Apparently it was enough for him to tell me he has a problem. He has been doing Meth, and I don't know what to do. He had a Meth problem right out of high school, but that was many years ago. He has always been sober with me.
We are both College students. He made that big step and told me what has been going on, but I do not know what to do with my feelings now. When I cried and told him I was hurt, he had to play a victim card. I couldn't be hurt, he just needed me to be there to love him...How do I do that? We have a few young children, and I don't understand how he could do that to us?
In the end, with him getting help now, how does he go through the rest of his life. Meth is illegal...is he going to get in trouble with the law for saying he had a problem? Is he going to get kicked out of school? What is going to happen to my 'Perfect Marriage'?
We are both College students. He made that big step and told me what has been going on, but I do not know what to do with my feelings now. When I cried and told him I was hurt, he had to play a victim card. I couldn't be hurt, he just needed me to be there to love him...How do I do that? We have a few young children, and I don't understand how he could do that to us?
In the end, with him getting help now, how does he go through the rest of his life. Meth is illegal...is he going to get in trouble with the law for saying he had a problem? Is he going to get kicked out of school? What is going to happen to my 'Perfect Marriage'?
Member
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 31,179
Welcome to SR!
I'm sorry, I know you feel like your life has just been turned upside down.
First of all, you CAN be hurt..or angry, or any other feeling you feel. No one can tell you what to feel, sweetie.
I'm a recovering addict (crack) but I also have loved ones who are addicts, so I know both sides of addiction. I'll try to answer your questions, but I recommend reading through other posts on this forum and the "stickies" (the posts at the very top of the forum). You'll get a lot of good information and find out you're not alone.
Yes, meth is illegal. Using it doesn't automatically mean he will get kicked out of school, but people who are addicted to it usually spend more and more time using the drug, and less time doing anything else, so school, family, jobs, etc. are often neglected.
He will not get in trouble with the law, simply by saying he has a problem. He CAN get in trouble with the law by using, selling or having drugs around your kids. YOU can also get in trouble with the law if something were to happen and they were to find out that he was using around your children.
Addiction can not be cured, but we can "recover". I am in recovery. I have not used in 2 years. People in recovery have a "program" where they work at staying clean. We can't just simply stop using. Quitting the drugs arent' the problem...it's learning to live without picking them up again, that's the problem. Addicts can, and do, lead some pretty good lives in recovery, but it is totally up to them.
The best thing YOU can do is focus on you and the kids. We talk about the 3 c's. You didn't cause it, can't change it, can't cure it. His addiction and recovery is his. You can check out al anon or nar anon meetings and get some f2f support, which would help you a lot. You can keep reading/posting here. There are lots of people here who know exactly what you are going through.
I would highly recommend that you watch your finances and, if you can, limit his access to money. Meth can be expensive, and your money can be gone in no time. Many a spouse has come here, thinking "he/she would never do that" and they did. It's better to be safe than sorry.
Hugs and prayers!
Amy
I'm sorry, I know you feel like your life has just been turned upside down.
First of all, you CAN be hurt..or angry, or any other feeling you feel. No one can tell you what to feel, sweetie.
I'm a recovering addict (crack) but I also have loved ones who are addicts, so I know both sides of addiction. I'll try to answer your questions, but I recommend reading through other posts on this forum and the "stickies" (the posts at the very top of the forum). You'll get a lot of good information and find out you're not alone.
Yes, meth is illegal. Using it doesn't automatically mean he will get kicked out of school, but people who are addicted to it usually spend more and more time using the drug, and less time doing anything else, so school, family, jobs, etc. are often neglected.
He will not get in trouble with the law, simply by saying he has a problem. He CAN get in trouble with the law by using, selling or having drugs around your kids. YOU can also get in trouble with the law if something were to happen and they were to find out that he was using around your children.
Addiction can not be cured, but we can "recover". I am in recovery. I have not used in 2 years. People in recovery have a "program" where they work at staying clean. We can't just simply stop using. Quitting the drugs arent' the problem...it's learning to live without picking them up again, that's the problem. Addicts can, and do, lead some pretty good lives in recovery, but it is totally up to them.
The best thing YOU can do is focus on you and the kids. We talk about the 3 c's. You didn't cause it, can't change it, can't cure it. His addiction and recovery is his. You can check out al anon or nar anon meetings and get some f2f support, which would help you a lot. You can keep reading/posting here. There are lots of people here who know exactly what you are going through.
I would highly recommend that you watch your finances and, if you can, limit his access to money. Meth can be expensive, and your money can be gone in no time. Many a spouse has come here, thinking "he/she would never do that" and they did. It's better to be safe than sorry.
Hugs and prayers!
Amy
Member
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: Kansas
Posts: 10,182
Welcome to SR! First of all, I would encourage you to educate yourself as much as possible on addiction. Read all the stickies at the top of this forum.
I am the loved one of addicts, and also a recovering addict myself. My drug of choice was also meth. Look for either Alanon or Naranon in your area to attend for yourself. Alanon is usually more widely available. There you will find face to face support with others who have loved ones in active addiction/alcoholism. It will help you to focus on yourself and your children.
A good starter book for you to read is "Codependent No More" by Melody Beattie. Addicts are very good at shifting the blame for their behaviors, playing the sympathy card, and a host of other behaviors.
I hope you continue to post here, and know that you are among people who care! :ghug :ghug
I am the loved one of addicts, and also a recovering addict myself. My drug of choice was also meth. Look for either Alanon or Naranon in your area to attend for yourself. Alanon is usually more widely available. There you will find face to face support with others who have loved ones in active addiction/alcoholism. It will help you to focus on yourself and your children.
A good starter book for you to read is "Codependent No More" by Melody Beattie. Addicts are very good at shifting the blame for their behaviors, playing the sympathy card, and a host of other behaviors.
I hope you continue to post here, and know that you are among people who care! :ghug :ghug
Restoring myself to sanity
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Georgia
Posts: 1,018
I couldn't be hurt, he just needed me to be there to love him...How do I do that?
We have a few young children, and I don't understand how he could do that to us?
In the end, with him getting help now, how does he go through the rest of his life.
It's not about what he will do for the rest of his life but what will you do for the rest of yours..
I'm glad you found us...please keep coming back..
Hugs
Jen
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