Summer2008

Both my sons just left. They had a deadline to be out today but I have to admit it was difficult to let them go. It took every bit of strength I had not to continue to let them stay with me. Tough love is the only thing that is going to help them at this point in their life.

Today is the first day I've really been able to grieve the loss of my relationship with xabf. I've done my best all week to not let my sons see me cry so I have bottled up everything inside.

I have had no contact with xabf since I left last Saturday night. It hurts though because he hasn't even tried to contact me. I told myself if he called I would not answer the phone but I dunno if I would have been strong enough NOT to. It would have been nice to at least know he was thinking about me.

Darn it, it hurts so much. I feel like everything I love I have lost or let go. I keep telling myself to "LET GO and LET GOD"

I'm sorry if it feels like I'm losing control or having a pity party but I just need to know there is someone else around.

Crazy4Him

I know exactly what you are going through. Exactly. I wish I had some great advice but it's all really fresh for me, too. I'm so so sorry you're hurting, but you're not alone.

TakingCharge999

"Darn it, it hurts so much. I feel like everything I love I have lost or let go. I keep telling myself to "LET GO and LET GOD" "

I think that is a huge lesson, Summer. It is true. Everything we love, and everything we hate too, is temporary. That is life. I am trying to zoom out a little too. I do not own anyone. Everything is one moment after another. One person after another. In the end its all between me and God. I do not own anyone. I do not have control over the majority of stuff. I do not even own my life or my body. I will need to let it go one day, too.

Please be gentle with yourself through these difficult times. I struggled when my ex never reached out. When I looked for him, he said "after so much I hurt you, what can I say to make it better? nothing" . Well Sir, there are apologies, and there is honest talk, sober talk, its only that you do not know it. Anyway. Although it does not appear to be the best now, what you are doing IS the best thing. For YOU.

Hope you find something nice to do for yourself today and this weekend. I will find something too.

(hugs)

Barbara52

{hugs} It is difficult and it does hurt. But it will get better. I found that what worked for me at first ( and now when anything is on my mind) was a lot of prayer and learning to truly hand it all over to God. Acceptance and surrender do work.