Ann

You are reading from the book The Language of Letting Go

Acceptance

Surrender to the moment. Ride it out and through, for all it's worth. Throw yourself into it.

Stop resisting.

So much of our anguish is created when we are in resistance. So much relief, release, and change are possible when we accept, simply accept.

We waste our time, expend our energy, and make things harder by resisting, repressing, and denying. Repressing our thoughts will not make them disappear. Repressing a thought already formed will not make us a better person. Think it. Let it come into reality. Then release it. A thought is not forever. If we don't like it, we can think another one or change it. But to do that, we must accept and release the first thought.

Resistance and repression will not change a thing. They will put us at war with our thoughts.

We make life harder by resisting and repressing our feelings. No matter how dark, how uncomfortable, how unjustified, how surprising, how inappropriate we might deem our feelings, resisting and repressing them will not free us from them. Doing that will make them worse. They will swirl inside us, torment us, make us sick, and make our body ache, compel us to do compulsive things, keep us awake, or put us to sleep.

In the final analysis, all that we're really called on to do is accept our feelings by feeling them, and saying, Yes, this is what I feel.

Feelings are for the present moment. The more quickly we can accept a feeling, the more quickly we will move on to the next.

Resisting or repressing thoughts and feelings does not change us or turn us into the person we want to be or think we should be. It puts us in resistance to reality. It makes us repressed. Eventually, it makes us depressed.

Resisting events or circumstances in our life does not change things, no matter how undesirable the events or circumstances may be.

Acceptance turns us into the person we are and want to be. Acceptance empowers the events and circumstances to turn around for the better.

What do we do if we're in resistance, in a tug of war with some reality in our life? Accepting our resistance can help us get through that too.

Acceptance does not mean we're giving our approval. It does not mean surrendering to the will and plans of another. It does not mean commitment. It is not forever. It is for the present moment. Acceptance does not make things harder; it makes things easier. Acceptance does not mean we accept abuse or mistreatment; it does not mean we forego boundaries, our hopes, dreams, desires, wants, or ourselves. It means we accept what is, so we know what to do to take care of ourselves and what boundaries we need to set. It means we accept what is and who we are at the moment, so we are free to change and grow.

Acceptance and surrender move us forward on this journey. Force does not work.

Acceptance and surrender - two concepts that hurt the most before we do them.

Today, I will practice accepting my present circumstances and myself. I will begin to watch and trust the magic that acceptance can bring into my life and recovery.

From The Language of Letting Go by Melody Beattie ©1990, Hazelden Foundation.

Ann

How hard this was for me, I thought acceptance would be to condone or to give up hope that anything would change. How wrong I was.

My sponsor taught me the three A's...Acknowledgment, Acceptance and Action.

First I had to face the truth, then accept that it was what it was. Action followed, meaning to use my recovery to do whatever was needed for me to move forward. Detach? Set boundaries? Remove myself from the situation? Let go of what was not mine to own? Usually one of these was the action I needed to take.

Hugs

outtolunch

Thank you for the reminder, Ann.

HurtingDad

Thanks Ann, I enjoyed reading that. It's now printed and hanging where I can read it.

Still working on it, but it gets a little easier every day.

NeedingHelp7

Thankyou for posting this today Ann. I found with me, that I had to be the strong one for sooooo long that many feelings were repressed. To put on my happy strong face for the children, for the courts, and for the whomever. To make sure things were as unchaotic as possible, to shut my mouth every time I was angry was the hardest thing to do. I ignored my feelings by doing this and repressed them, only to feel worse later because these feeling weren't coming out, they then were only becoming bottled up inside me. I didn't realize how much pain I had in me until the past month. I have now began therapy. Sometimes my cries are so deep and so painful. The loss... 2 teens out the door due to thier struggle w/ drugs (thankfully they are doing better but I miss them so much), an AH gone (and he's now almost a sociopath), and our dog died last June. All this in the past 5 yrs has taken more of a toll on me that I thought. I was to be the strong one, now I'm probably the weakest. I have a hard time accepting what is. I know this is the reality, and I have to go on.

I have one baby bird left in the nest. The rest have flew the coop, gone to experience this great big world. And I sit here and wonder what my journey is now?

I surrender all.

Jody Hepler

I love the way this is expressed. Thank you for posting, Ann.

This is the process I used to let go of my ASs and their addictions - and find recovery for myself. To get on with my life - to get a life. As Nike says, "just do it" - as my sponsor said when I told her I was so fearful, "do it scared".

Today it reminds me of using this process on anything in my life - like financial/job insecurity. It is what it is. I can't control the thoughts that come into my head, but I can control how long they last.

Thanks to you - my day is getting better already!

Love in recovery,
Jody Hepler