In-laws Stink!
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2003
Location: Chesterton, IN
Posts: 8
In-laws Stink!
I know I posted about this before, but! My sister-in-law & my mother-in-law STINK. I am having "issues" (ha ha) with my sister-in-law. She is treating me as though I'm non-existent. She keeps pestering and pestering and pestering my husband to drink. My husband & I had a wonderful talk about his drinking & it went so well. I honestly don't mind a few beers now & then, but when he goes to a football game, he comes home absolutely wasted. My sister-in-law calls and says to me "is MY brother home". She calls during the day when she knows he's at work, so I don't know why she's calling except to tell me that I need to tell my husband to do this & that for her. I have been polite & I have been nice to his family but now I have been pushed so far over the line that I can't be nice anymore. According to my sister-in-law, everything my husband & I own belongs only to my husband - even things that I brought into the marriage. According to her, my husband makes ALL the decisions and if I say no, she will go behind my back to my husband and harass him until he says yes.
My mother-in-law is constantly asking us for money, which really bugs me because we don't have much. We're renting a townhome, while hubby's sisters have their own homes & jobs. We want to save for a house but how can we when his mother is always asking for money? He won't tell her no, he buys into her sad story crap even though I pointed out to him that she has a fat savings account AND a nice fat I.R.A. she could dip into. Her trailer is paid off & she gets $1000/mo from the govt.
I don't know how to talk to my husband about all of this. If I bring up his mother, he gets very defensive, even though she didn't raise him & she's never given, only take, take, take. She's 63, in good health but acts like she's 85 and ready to die any day. The woman refuses to clean her own home because she says she's so tired or she's too old or she's in so much pain (pain from what, we don't know).
How do I stand up for myself with these two AND get my husband to back me up on it?
Thanks!
My mother-in-law is constantly asking us for money, which really bugs me because we don't have much. We're renting a townhome, while hubby's sisters have their own homes & jobs. We want to save for a house but how can we when his mother is always asking for money? He won't tell her no, he buys into her sad story crap even though I pointed out to him that she has a fat savings account AND a nice fat I.R.A. she could dip into. Her trailer is paid off & she gets $1000/mo from the govt.
I don't know how to talk to my husband about all of this. If I bring up his mother, he gets very defensive, even though she didn't raise him & she's never given, only take, take, take. She's 63, in good health but acts like she's 85 and ready to die any day. The woman refuses to clean her own home because she says she's so tired or she's too old or she's in so much pain (pain from what, we don't know).
How do I stand up for myself with these two AND get my husband to back me up on it?
Thanks!
Nature Girl
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 60,328
earthgirl
My suggestion is to not take their calls. If you have call display, you can see when they call and just don't answer. When your husband is home, let him answer if he wants but you don't have to unless you choose to.
This takes you out of the middle. This takes you away from being the victim. What he discusses with his family can remain between them and there is no reason for you to have to play their game.
As for the money, there's not much you can do about that unless you have your own account. But perhaps you could suggest to your husband that your own financial needs are being sacrificed. Aside from that, you can't do much there either.
The thing is that you DO have choices on how you live your life. You just have to decide what is important for you and set boundaries to protect that. If you haven't already been to an Al-Anon meeting, do yourself a huge favour and go. It can save your life - I know it saved mine.
I hope this helps a little, and that you can find the strength to stand up for yourself - regardless of what anyone else thinks.
Hugs
Ann
My suggestion is to not take their calls. If you have call display, you can see when they call and just don't answer. When your husband is home, let him answer if he wants but you don't have to unless you choose to.
This takes you out of the middle. This takes you away from being the victim. What he discusses with his family can remain between them and there is no reason for you to have to play their game.
As for the money, there's not much you can do about that unless you have your own account. But perhaps you could suggest to your husband that your own financial needs are being sacrificed. Aside from that, you can't do much there either.
The thing is that you DO have choices on how you live your life. You just have to decide what is important for you and set boundaries to protect that. If you haven't already been to an Al-Anon meeting, do yourself a huge favour and go. It can save your life - I know it saved mine.
I hope this helps a little, and that you can find the strength to stand up for yourself - regardless of what anyone else thinks.
Hugs
Ann
Member
Join Date: Aug 2001
Location: That's what I'd like to know.
Posts: 2,416
Hi Earthgirl.
Wow. A whole family of people users. My first thoughts were 1)move to another state 2)tell your husband they've both been complaining to you about his drinking behind his back 3)hire a private detective to dig up some dirt on them and blackmail them into leaving you alone (hire a bodyguard) 4)hire a private detective to dig up some dirt on them and get them arrested (hire a bodyguard when they get out) 5)tell them there's 50 bucks at the bottom of a cliff and the only way to get it is to jump.
Will your husband go to marriage counseling with you? This is a pretty tough issue to tackle by yourself. Criticizing a boy's mother is only going to make you the bad guy. And the sister... urg. I would like to pound one of Dino's wretched sisters into the ground with a pile-driver. She's hateful to him (goes for months refusing to talk to him) and runs her ignorant mouth about things she knows nothing about... but boy... watch out if I say a word against her! The only headway I made was to once praise her to high heavens for something rotten she'd done to him. If I had criticized her , he would have defended her... but under the circumstances he got really steamed and I let him "convince" me what a turd she is. It didn't last... but it was fun. :shakin
I can't wait until this thread gets rolling with the horrible inlaw stories. Dino and I aren't married, but you have my complete sympathy.
Hugs,
Smoke
Wow. A whole family of people users. My first thoughts were 1)move to another state 2)tell your husband they've both been complaining to you about his drinking behind his back 3)hire a private detective to dig up some dirt on them and blackmail them into leaving you alone (hire a bodyguard) 4)hire a private detective to dig up some dirt on them and get them arrested (hire a bodyguard when they get out) 5)tell them there's 50 bucks at the bottom of a cliff and the only way to get it is to jump.
Will your husband go to marriage counseling with you? This is a pretty tough issue to tackle by yourself. Criticizing a boy's mother is only going to make you the bad guy. And the sister... urg. I would like to pound one of Dino's wretched sisters into the ground with a pile-driver. She's hateful to him (goes for months refusing to talk to him) and runs her ignorant mouth about things she knows nothing about... but boy... watch out if I say a word against her! The only headway I made was to once praise her to high heavens for something rotten she'd done to him. If I had criticized her , he would have defended her... but under the circumstances he got really steamed and I let him "convince" me what a turd she is. It didn't last... but it was fun. :shakin
I can't wait until this thread gets rolling with the horrible inlaw stories. Dino and I aren't married, but you have my complete sympathy.
Hugs,
Smoke
Member
Join Date: Jun 2003
Location: Minnesota
Posts: 407
Inlaws -
Do you have any idea what you have started?
After we got married, my ex-mother in law said that she didn't think that we should have sex because my birth control pills might not be strong enough!!!!!
She accused my of giving my 6 year old daughter chicken pox on Christmas Eve ON PURPOSE so that we wouldn't be able to come to their house for Christmas.
Everything we did that she didn't like she would say to me - "this must be your idea because my son isn't stupid enough to do this."
She told me she was unable to come to to my daughter's baptism because she was going to help a friend PLUCK CHICKENS and this was the first Catholic grandchild and they were devout Catholics.
She threatened to kill my dog when he had an accident in my own home.
The best side effect of my divorce was never having to deal with that woman again.
Although I am now married to an A, my current mother in law walks on water as far as I am concerned. Of course comparing her to the first one makes her look like Mother Theresa!!!!!
I think that Ann had a great idea. Only talk to them when you absolutely can't avoid it. If you don't have caller ID - get it! Marrriage to an A can be tough enough without having to deal with your rotten inlaws. Counselling about the inlaw issue with an impartial third party might be of some help.
Hugs - Jo
She threatened to kill my dog because it had an accident in my home.
Do you have any idea what you have started?
After we got married, my ex-mother in law said that she didn't think that we should have sex because my birth control pills might not be strong enough!!!!!
She accused my of giving my 6 year old daughter chicken pox on Christmas Eve ON PURPOSE so that we wouldn't be able to come to their house for Christmas.
Everything we did that she didn't like she would say to me - "this must be your idea because my son isn't stupid enough to do this."
She told me she was unable to come to to my daughter's baptism because she was going to help a friend PLUCK CHICKENS and this was the first Catholic grandchild and they were devout Catholics.
She threatened to kill my dog when he had an accident in my own home.
The best side effect of my divorce was never having to deal with that woman again.
Although I am now married to an A, my current mother in law walks on water as far as I am concerned. Of course comparing her to the first one makes her look like Mother Theresa!!!!!
I think that Ann had a great idea. Only talk to them when you absolutely can't avoid it. If you don't have caller ID - get it! Marrriage to an A can be tough enough without having to deal with your rotten inlaws. Counselling about the inlaw issue with an impartial third party might be of some help.
Hugs - Jo
She threatened to kill my dog because it had an accident in my home.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2003
Location: between the lakes
Posts: 60
I have a WONDERUL SIL.....but the rest of the family stinks. When my husband was using we were visiting at my in-laws and my husband borrowed his dad's car to go visit a friend. My MIL doesn't drive and they only have one vehicle. His dad told him when he left that that they had an appointment at 4. My husband returned at 11:00 THE NEXT MORNING. His elderly father has begged a ride to his appointment and we had all kind of sat on pins and needles wondering when he would return.
Now get this: when the errant son found his way home no one said a word. (Except me, of course, who pointed out that ifr he is going to drag me to the hinterlands to visit his family, I will NEVER, EVER again be stuck there without a car in which to leave! I have stuck to that, btw.) They were both afraid to "upset" him and he promptly went up to bed, not to be seen again until the next morning. The incident was never mentioned. Geez, talk about feeling CRAZY! I knew then and there that there was no point in trying to break through this kind of denial!
The sisters and brothers are just as bad. One sees my husband as an easy loan and one resents his "luck" so much that she'll fight with him over anything--even a card game. They all drive me nuts and when they call here I politely inquire about the weather, their garden, and briefly fill them in on their granddaughter (to no avail, they can't seem to remember how old she is!) I offer up NO personal informationa and refer all personal conversation to their perfect son---who has never in his life done a single thing wrong.
When my husband was using we were visiting at my in-laws and my husband borrowed his dad's car to go visit a friend. My MIL doesn't drive and they only have one vehicle. His dad told him when he left that that they had an appointment at 4. My husband returned at 11:00 THE NEXT MORNING. His elderly father has begged a ride to his appointment and we had all kind of sat on pins and needles wondering when he would return. Now get this: when the errant son found his way home no one said a word. (Except me, of course, who pointed out that ifr he is going to drag me to the hinterlands to visit his family, I will NEVER, EVER again be stuck there without a car in which to leave! I have stuck to that, btw.
) They were both afraid to "upset" him and he promptly went up to bed, not to be seen again until the next morning. The incident was never mentioned. Geez, talk about feeling CRAZY! I knew then and there that there was no point in trying to break through this kind of denial!The sisters and brothers are just as bad. One sees my husband as an easy loan and one resents his "luck" so much that she'll fight with him over anything--even a card game. They all drive me nuts and when they call here I politely inquire about the weather, their garden, and briefly fill them in on their granddaughter (to no avail, they can't seem to remember how old she is!) I offer up NO personal informationa and refer all personal conversation to their perfect son---who has never in his life done a single thing wrong.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2003
Location: Chesterton, IN
Posts: 8
Thanks for all of the advice. I have been not answering the phone, since I have caller id. I dread Christmas coming up, when we'll have to go over to his sister's but I know there's just no way out of it. Right now he is drinking again & eating all the "bad" foods (high cholesterol). When he's drinking & eating like that, he's a human garbage disposal. He also refuses to talk to me about anything to do with the household bills, etc. when he's drinking. And he's not drinking every day, only at football games. That's how much his personality changes! But I will keep hanging in there & I am grateful to have this forum!
Member
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: North Vancouver, British Columbia
Posts: 1,714
Originally posted by earthgirrl
I dread Christmas coming up, when we'll have to go over to his sister's but I know there's just no way out of it.
I dread Christmas coming up, when we'll have to go over to his sister's but I know there's just no way out of it.
Queen of one liners
Join Date: Jan 2003
Location: walking beside you! Not in front of you.
Posts: 658
IN-LAWS......
One liner keep repeating it over 500 times daily....
JUST BECAUSE THEY SAY IT DOESN'T MAKE IT SO!!!!!!!
Drinking........
You didn't cause it
You can't control it.
You can't cure it.
Please give yourself the greatest gift in the world;
Try Al-Anon meetings and keep coming back.
Love and prayers..
One liner keep repeating it over 500 times daily....
JUST BECAUSE THEY SAY IT DOESN'T MAKE IT SO!!!!!!!
Drinking........
You didn't cause it
You can't control it.
You can't cure it.
Please give yourself the greatest gift in the world;
Try Al-Anon meetings and keep coming back.
Love and prayers..
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