Memories popping up all over....
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Join Date: Nov 2008
Location: West Midlands, UK
Posts: 107
Memories popping up all over....
Me again, I posted earlier with a court update and how I keep 'bumping into him' not only actually but seemingly in virtually every area of my world.
I was just looking for a document at work and my personal folder found this beauty-
http://img10.imageshack.us/img10/6946/046iat.jpg
It's floored me, made me want to cry. I can see the happiness I felt then. But then I know how the evening ended and it wasn't happy but I'm struggling to keep it all in perspective.
Sorry just wanted to share and wondered how you all cope with finding such reminders?
x
I was just looking for a document at work and my personal folder found this beauty-
http://img10.imageshack.us/img10/6946/046iat.jpg
It's floored me, made me want to cry. I can see the happiness I felt then. But then I know how the evening ended and it wasn't happy but I'm struggling to keep it all in perspective.
Sorry just wanted to share and wondered how you all cope with finding such reminders?
x
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Join Date: Feb 2009
Location: London, UK
Posts: 927
I've had to go through some stuff recently and it was hard.. but it was ok. I think the trick is to feel the feeling and then move on. Don't delete that photo if you don't want to but now you have seen it, put it into a folder where you know it is and it can't be accessed unless you want to access it and you are ready to rather than it pop up at you out of the blue. Do that with everything you come across.
I have loads of things to go through having got my stuff into storage and I am in some ways dreading it because I am going to come across cards and tokens. But what I am going to do is feel what I feel, stick those items in a box and decide what to do with them later.
Just don't torture yourself with them!
Btw... just an observation.. but to me, a casual third party observer.. your eyes have a little sadness or nervousness to them in this picture.
I have loads of things to go through having got my stuff into storage and I am in some ways dreading it because I am going to come across cards and tokens. But what I am going to do is feel what I feel, stick those items in a box and decide what to do with them later.
Just don't torture yourself with them!
Btw... just an observation.. but to me, a casual third party observer.. your eyes have a little sadness or nervousness to them in this picture.
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Join Date: Nov 2008
Location: West Midlands, UK
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I'm feeling the feeling alright today! But then I'm thinking that's only to be expected with the court thing, 2 chance meetings and this on my desktop. I am going to let myself fret until 6pm when my friend is coming round then try to force it all out my mind. Thanks. x
PS There probably was a sadness/nervousness in my eyes, we were at a party and I could never ever relax until we were both home safe, asleep and uninjured in bed. Some party spirit eh?
x
PS There probably was a sadness/nervousness in my eyes, we were at a party and I could never ever relax until we were both home safe, asleep and uninjured in bed. Some party spirit eh?
x
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Join Date: Nov 2008
Posts: 2,582
You are young and cute. Too cute for him. You might not see this right now, but he was lucky to have you.
As shallow as my comments are right now....you are out of his league. He knew/knows that and probably attempted to control you by making you feel obligated to him or putting you down. My ex was 12 years older and did this over the years. I am figuring all of this out now.
As shallow as my comments are right now....you are out of his league. He knew/knows that and probably attempted to control you by making you feel obligated to him or putting you down. My ex was 12 years older and did this over the years. I am figuring all of this out now.
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Join Date: Feb 2009
Location: London, UK
Posts: 927
I have to agree with MissF. He was boxing above his weight when he got you.
As for the picture. It is good to remember happy moments in our life but not so good to pretty up the not so happy moments. That picture is a timely reminder of your unease.
edit: I wanted to add a hug smilie but it wouldn't let me... so here is a *HUG*
As for the picture. It is good to remember happy moments in our life but not so good to pretty up the not so happy moments. That picture is a timely reminder of your unease.
edit: I wanted to add a hug smilie but it wouldn't let me... so here is a *HUG*
Last edited by tallulah; 04-02-2009 at 05:17 AM. Reason: see post
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Join Date: Nov 2008
Location: West Midlands, UK
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I love your shallow comments! Keep them coming ha ha!
He is 10 years older than me, we went to the same Senior School strangely but I went to Uni and lived in London for a bit and actually only met him when I returned home and after my Mum died. I was his 2nd attempt at family life, his first well it as all 'her' fault apparently.......... His 16 yr old daughter won't entertain him now but she visits us and is close to Baby Baby Bearfeet (her half Sis)
Thing is today I don't see it that he was lucky, I feel deeply against all logic that I was the unlucky one to lose him. But I'm hoping that this is just for today, allowing it and then tomorrow it might not feel so bad.
Thanks again. x
He is 10 years older than me, we went to the same Senior School strangely but I went to Uni and lived in London for a bit and actually only met him when I returned home and after my Mum died. I was his 2nd attempt at family life, his first well it as all 'her' fault apparently.......... His 16 yr old daughter won't entertain him now but she visits us and is close to Baby Baby Bearfeet (her half Sis)
Thing is today I don't see it that he was lucky, I feel deeply against all logic that I was the unlucky one to lose him. But I'm hoping that this is just for today, allowing it and then tomorrow it might not feel so bad.
Thanks again. x
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Location: Arlington, VA
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When I first left, I had to put all possible reminders away and pretend they didn't exist. It was necessary for me to gain strength and begin healing. When it was time to go thru the larger amounts of stuff in the house, I was in a much better place to deal with it all with detachment.
Perhaps jsut remove all the "stuff" from where you have immediate access and ignore it all for a while?
Perhaps jsut remove all the "stuff" from where you have immediate access and ignore it all for a while?
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Join Date: Nov 2008
Posts: 2,582
I know you are in pain. I go in and out of it too.
He was lucky to have had an opportunity with you and blew it. He likely blew it with the first "attempt at family" too. His issues, not yours.
You have much to offer the world and have a beautiful baby. Try to look towards the future and think of all the positve things you have today in your life. The best one being baby, next sanity, then an emotional unstable person is no longer there to screw with your head/life. These are all blessings that you have TODAY.
He was lucky to have had an opportunity with you and blew it. He likely blew it with the first "attempt at family" too. His issues, not yours.
You have much to offer the world and have a beautiful baby. Try to look towards the future and think of all the positve things you have today in your life. The best one being baby, next sanity, then an emotional unstable person is no longer there to screw with your head/life. These are all blessings that you have TODAY.
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