been an interesting day
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Join Date: Mar 2009
Posts: 28
been an interesting day
yup, sure has. like WOW this is like doing speed. In a way going on to speed in reverse, guess cause alcoholic is a depressant. all day i sort of felt like i had done some meth. mostly the jitters, had them a bit yesterday, but today at first, it has like the good coffee ones i get at times, as the day went on it got worse, dang.
So this is the start of day 4, of how many i do not know. I do hope there is an end number to it. Some people learn from mistakes, some don't. The man who is back in prison for the 3rd time for doing armed robbery, this man has not learned to change. If money=drinking, then this man is an alcoholics, taking to much at once and perhaps hurting others in the process. This is in contrast to the honest hard working man that get is money the right way. he is the responsible drinker. I see me self as the guy that did something and got sent to the local jail, not take care of a ticket and let it turn into a warrant and is doing his time learning his lesson. At the end of his time walks out chastened and humbled. vowing to never stray and be sent to the prison of alcoholism. I hope i have learned to take care of things before they run out of my control.
Also gave a lot of thought as to the how and why i ended up here. looked at my past drinking a bit, also my peers, my "family". In our community, we are people that "work hard, play hard" We will work all night to make art, then, party all night to celebrate it. In this community we tolerate a bit of what is binge drinking. alcoholics and alcoholism is not, if you become known has a drunk and alcoholics soon no one wants to deal with you. how ever the occasional indiscretion is tolerated. In fact one of the big and better bars is Hair of the dog. More than once i have ended up making out late at night with the most unlikely persons. Perhaps this is how i became open to this happening to me. with this experience perhaps i have learned. If drunkenly makeing out one night after having a bit to much, quickly, pay the fine of stop drinking. If it begins to happen to often give up driving/stop drinking
Went to the beach for sunset took a long walk, Thought about a lot of things, the girl,what i maybe should have done, if i had told her <blank> perhaps she would not hav fell for another. Also gave a lot of thought to how i ended up addicted to alcoholic. search to find the tipping point, I know there will never the "one" drink that pushed me over. Yet try and find the time and place when thing began to go wrong. understand the who what why and when of it. so the next time i begin to see if i can do what ever i need to do. So at the start of day 4, have seen the sunset I can say this beyond any doubt, It is less than a year ago, In April of last year my now x girl and i took a trip, was 4 days, I know i did not feel anything like i have the past 4 days. Damm that was good. this is what i wrote to her about it the other day
"That mid week drive down the coast, dinner in Monterey, morning coffee while we watched the sea life frolic in the water, stopping to check out the tide pools along the way to Hearst cassle. The time we rented the convertible to go check out the meteor shower. We spent the night looking at the stars and holding each other, hearing the coyotes howl just before sunrise."
Ok so i know it was after this. Perhaps it started when the land laddie started messing with me? that was a lot of stress, the 3 day notice, i fell that make have been the start, You know looking back i can see this coming on. And I have learned, One mistake was sitting alone at home this past winter, did not see it at the time, no at the time it was ok make a drink, it is storming out side, time to start dinner. Should have known better, kept thinking, "ah next week i'll stop" and it turned in to months and more and more. It also caught be a bit off guard. In that a few times when going over a hard spot i drink a bit much a few days in a row, with ending up like i am now. That i was not hung over in the morning, no i was hit a bit clue less about how this snuck up on me, then again not the number of bottles, and how much, ya know, in just messed up. and i am 2 things i was not be for, older and wiser.
thanks for reading
Belinda!
So this is the start of day 4, of how many i do not know. I do hope there is an end number to it. Some people learn from mistakes, some don't. The man who is back in prison for the 3rd time for doing armed robbery, this man has not learned to change. If money=drinking, then this man is an alcoholics, taking to much at once and perhaps hurting others in the process. This is in contrast to the honest hard working man that get is money the right way. he is the responsible drinker. I see me self as the guy that did something and got sent to the local jail, not take care of a ticket and let it turn into a warrant and is doing his time learning his lesson. At the end of his time walks out chastened and humbled. vowing to never stray and be sent to the prison of alcoholism. I hope i have learned to take care of things before they run out of my control.
Also gave a lot of thought as to the how and why i ended up here. looked at my past drinking a bit, also my peers, my "family". In our community, we are people that "work hard, play hard" We will work all night to make art, then, party all night to celebrate it. In this community we tolerate a bit of what is binge drinking. alcoholics and alcoholism is not, if you become known has a drunk and alcoholics soon no one wants to deal with you. how ever the occasional indiscretion is tolerated. In fact one of the big and better bars is Hair of the dog. More than once i have ended up making out late at night with the most unlikely persons. Perhaps this is how i became open to this happening to me. with this experience perhaps i have learned. If drunkenly makeing out one night after having a bit to much, quickly, pay the fine of stop drinking. If it begins to happen to often give up driving/stop drinking
Went to the beach for sunset took a long walk, Thought about a lot of things, the girl,what i maybe should have done, if i had told her <blank> perhaps she would not hav fell for another. Also gave a lot of thought to how i ended up addicted to alcoholic. search to find the tipping point, I know there will never the "one" drink that pushed me over. Yet try and find the time and place when thing began to go wrong. understand the who what why and when of it. so the next time i begin to see if i can do what ever i need to do. So at the start of day 4, have seen the sunset I can say this beyond any doubt, It is less than a year ago, In April of last year my now x girl and i took a trip, was 4 days, I know i did not feel anything like i have the past 4 days. Damm that was good. this is what i wrote to her about it the other day
"That mid week drive down the coast, dinner in Monterey, morning coffee while we watched the sea life frolic in the water, stopping to check out the tide pools along the way to Hearst cassle. The time we rented the convertible to go check out the meteor shower. We spent the night looking at the stars and holding each other, hearing the coyotes howl just before sunrise."
Ok so i know it was after this. Perhaps it started when the land laddie started messing with me? that was a lot of stress, the 3 day notice, i fell that make have been the start, You know looking back i can see this coming on. And I have learned, One mistake was sitting alone at home this past winter, did not see it at the time, no at the time it was ok make a drink, it is storming out side, time to start dinner. Should have known better, kept thinking, "ah next week i'll stop" and it turned in to months and more and more. It also caught be a bit off guard. In that a few times when going over a hard spot i drink a bit much a few days in a row, with ending up like i am now. That i was not hung over in the morning, no i was hit a bit clue less about how this snuck up on me, then again not the number of bottles, and how much, ya know, in just messed up. and i am 2 things i was not be for, older and wiser.
thanks for reading
Belinda!
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